I don’t know if I can be of any help but saw you haven’t got a reply yet and didn’t want to do nothing. I have no experience of pre school extra funding, but in my experience of form filling in work and for my DS and frail parents, I would say the most important thing is thoroughness. Think about what you have to do on a regular basis, so a ‘day in the life’ style account. So, the care or supervision required at mealtimes, breakfast, then for getting dressed, teeth cleaning, including particular issues, eg meltdowns - what you then have to do, how frequently it happens. Outline risk - so, even when you may not be actively engaged with him, what do you have to be careful of, what activities. The extra care re home environment to reduce danger, or meltdowns, or the things you do that actively improve the environment for him, re noise, lighting. You are telling them all the things you do for your DS, all the adjustments, all the extra care, supervision, all the risks you need to anticipate, all the things you do to improve his responses, his moods. It’s not negative is it? It’s an account of your love for your little boy, of all you do to help him. Don’t do yourself down. Include all the extras you do that maybe you hope will help him open up, communicate better. You’ve also got to see this as a means to an end to be honest. You need this funding, your DS needs this funding and you won’t get it if you underplay the extra care your DS.
As for the letter re the ASD assessment, I’m sure if your nursery are supportive, you will get an assessment. I had to struggle to have my DS reassessed now at 12 years. What I would suggest is again you are thorough and include all the behaviours that indicate ASD, but not just the bare behaviour, but how that affects either your DS, or yourselves. So, with my DS (I know that at your DS’s age this probably won’t apply, but just to give an idea) because of his word retrieval issues and strange speech, most of his peers see him as “weird’ and “uncool” as a result he becomes upset and distressed because he has no friends. It could be for example that you are unable to leave your son with babysitters, or possibly anyone else in case of meltdown etc..Do you have to do things a certain way to make things easier for him. Are play dates with other children problematic. I think the structure of your letter sounds fine.
I do understand that you do not want to sound like you’re listing symptoms. I used to see it more as explaining my child, so I wouldn’t just list “extreme sensitivity to pain” - Id give an example of when he was stung by a wasp, and screamed so much, I had to text both neighbours in case they thought he was being attacked. I’d not list “sensory issues” but described his meltdowns when he saw the indents made by the tops of his socks on his skin. I was painting a picture of my DS. I also listed the amazing, unique way he had with words, and how he saw pictures in his head when a piece of music was played, and sobbed uncontrollably when he saw that the flowers in a vase were dying. These are all a little “odd”, but they are not negative. Give as much information as you can. My DS did not get the support he needed, and we’ve had to really battle for him. You need to tell them everything about your DS, all his ‘quirks’, because you need the assessment. Where I am there is a huge waiting list for assessment. If they can reject an assessment request, they will. I don’t know about your area but I wouldn’t take the risk.