Insensitive HV

[jenk1]

HV came to see me today, i was expecting her as i had a go at the SENCO and Early years HV a couple of weeks ago for not accepting Paeds findings that DD has indications of ASD.
So she came today and told me that nursery and the other hv had phoned her so i started laughing, she didnt like that, i said what have you been sent round to see if im deluded as to what i think about my daughters difficulties?
she said well they dont see this social and communication problems that you see, so i said well paed and psych see them.

she then said when i told her that we have a wheelchair on order
"what on earth for, she can walk look at her" so i said "she,s 3 on friday, she gets very tired and she,s outgrown her pram and i cant keep carrying her everywhere"
she said we will regret it cos once dd has a wheelchair we will never get her out of it

how insensitive and rude, how dare she imply that we are getting dd a wheelchair unecessarily.

i want to punch the woman.

we have cried/agonised over whether to get her one and she says that, also i dont trust her, she is obviously agreeing with the senco and early years hv over dd and i feel my trust has been broken.
am i being paranoid?

forgot to add she has CP, mainly in her legs and she gets tired very quickly.

she sounds a cow. What on earth are a SENCO and HV doing disputing a peads findings? TBH I'd ask to see the paed again, or a clinical psych if you have one on board and explain the difficulties.

Can you move nurseries?

What a witch.

One answer is not to see them (SENCO, HVs etc). Explain to your paed that they are not remotely supporting you and ask that all contact is made by letter via your paed and copied to you.

that sounds grim. doesn't sound there's much point you having anything further to do with your HVs if they are so unsupportive.

Sorry to hear you have a witch of a HV,

You have my sympathy jenk1, the hv sounds awful.
I have dealt with many different professionals over the years who have worked with my ds2 and have had some crappy experiences as well.

I'm now as brief and business like as I can be with them. One of my pet hates is sitting in a meeting with a group of them and being referred to as 'mum'. Hello? I have a name
I really don't like that I feel I must try not to show emotion in front of them as well because somehow what I have to say becomes less valid because I'm being an 'emotional mum', it is an emotive subject and I'm only human!!

What really annoys me is they float into our lives once every couple of months and we are with our children near enough constantly and yet they think they are right and we are wrong!! (obviously I'm not saying they are all like this}
Its maddening on top of all the other stresses we have to go through! Its hard not to get disheartened by things like this but try and stay strong and good for you for standing your ground. If you feel your dd needs a wheelchair then that is your right as a parent to request one, you don't need to justify it!

DH has been thinking about what the HV said yesterday, he came in at the end and caught a couple of minutes (not the wheelchair part)
he said he,s writing a letter today requesting a new HV and he,s putting the reasons why.

oh no that about 5 letters we have on the go now, i think i need to lie down.

who would we complain to about her?

TIA

I think writing a letter to the practice manager at the health centre the hv is based at would be the first step or contact your local primary care trust for advice

DH has written to the head of the primary care trust.

His letter is along the lines of "Im disgusted at the HV,s comments regarding my daughters need for a wheelchair and her contradicting everything jenk said about our daughters problems"
he also states that he knows she has spoken to the SENCO and the early years hv and that they are saying there is no problem with dd in nursery, he said she has broken our trust and that he requests a new HV.

i am sat here shaking, im scared, me who writes letters left right and centre, i think its because ive known the HV for a long time and she comes into my house, ive even questioned whether we are right to complain but im sure we are.

Hi Jenk, what an insensitive woman. Ditch her, you don't needa HV anyhow. I haven't let one near C since she was a baby and the HV said 'I've never dealt with a spastic before' (DD has severe CP)
Usually they don't tell you anything you don't already know!
HoneyBlue, know what you mean about being called 'mum'. I always object. Usualy tell some 20yo SHO that I'm not his mum, that he can call me Dr W (have PhD), Mrs W and one day, when he's know me for ages he might be allowed to call me S. DD's paed never even writes 'mum' in his notes now after I explained my feelings. Got him well trained now. Also managed to get the SW team to stop referring to non-disabled children as 'normal' in my hearing by saying 'normal? Are you saying C isn't normal? What do you mean?' rant rant rant
Grrr, I get so fed up that we are seen as 'just parents' and therefore thick and a nuisance.

Absolutely right Bobalinga, we are seen as a nuisance and its infuriating! My ds2 is an outpatient at Great Ormond Street Hospital and they refer to me as 'mum' in their correspondance, and its the way they refer to me that drives me mad, like 'mum' says his condition has worsened but he was ok in clinic today etc. Argghh! Like I'm lying or exaggerating!

What really gets me though is that I feel parents and carers of children with sn are more together, stronger and resourceful than the lot of them! We have to be! Amongst his other conditions, my ds2 has nocturnal epilepsy and I haven't slept for a whole night in years, I'm literally functioning on half empty all the time and yet I get by and am in the final year of my degree and a mum of 2 and yet they talk down to me like they could do what I do!!
You have inspired me to do a phd myself now Bobalinga, just so I can tell them to call me 'dr' instead of 'mum'!! What a great idea!

Don't feel bad about complaining jenk1, your hv has a duty of care towards you and she was out of line. It is your right to expect more than this. I have made many complaints myself and I know its hard but you have to stand your ground. Good luck and let me know how you get on! If its any consolation I stopped seeing my hv when ds2 was a year old, I never found her helpful at all.

I think HV (or mine at least) is of little use when dealing with sn.
After months in SCBU ds2 was home but not feeding - stopped sucking. So I contacted my HV, to ask advise, she openly told me she had very little experience of very prem babies & couldn't help, so we were left to try & feed a starving baby who was unable to suck.
Didn't hear from her again until she phoned & asked for ds2 to go for his hearing test, I explained he'd been done in SCBU & besides had no head control & so wouldn't turn to sound anyway. She insisted, we went for the test, of course he failed.
Since then I have contacted her to fill in DLA forms, as she doesn't know him she has no opinion of him so just writes pretty much what we tell her about him... So they have their uses.