DS with ASD starting school Sept 2018 - I am feeling overwhelmed

[Hurricane74]

Hi

My son has a diagnosis of ASD and is due to start school next Sept. We are in discussion with the LA about an EHCP and have a Joint Assessment Meeting for early December. I had hoped he would go to a mainstream school and see how it goes, with the option of a school with an autism unit or a SS is things don’t work out. But now am feeling very doubtful a mainstream school could meet his needs. We had a report from the LA yesterday based on observations of him at preschool and it makes such sobering reading. It puts his developmental age at 8-20 months for most areas (he is 40 months) and his understanding and listening skills at 0-11 months. (His moving and handling skills are almost age appropriate). His main issues are social anxiety, sensory issues around noise and his lack of understanding and speech. Has anyone experience of a child with similar issues managing in a mainstream setting? If so, what kind of provision did you ask for and receive? Thanks for reading.

Great news dimples
I've just caught up on the thread after Xmas and new year. My boys are back in school now.
We are waiting on further assessment appointments at the moment, should be this month. He's had a play observation and I had kind of thought we might get diagnosis then but they want to do a detailed developmental questionnaire and then we'll have a feedback session.
He was eager to go to school this morning which was nice to see. I guess he must have missed it.

That's great Mamapants that he wanted to go back to school.

Great they are going to assess dimples and that your ds wants to go to school mamapants

Oh God, went to see what I thought would be our first choice school today and now I'm not so sure... And also got told by a mum there about a new school just out of borough which sounds like it could be great, but we are probably too late to visit.

Gaaarghhh! Why do I do this to myself?

Schools are so tricky aren't they.
We have found an unit which seems perfect but only six places. But that is what we want right now. The lady at his preschool unit seemed in agreement and I know she carries a lot of weight so fingers crossed. Hoping she wasn't just being agreeable and does actually agree!
We are only really looking at one mainstream, which is where big brother goes. I still need to arrange a visit there but feel we know the school well. They arent perfect though but none of them are round here.

I think that's the problem mamapants. We are actually lucky that there are a lot of good schools including a lot of new schools around us (because the population of school aged children is growing so fast in Hackney) - but it makes the options very complicated and it's hard to make a choice between these very different schools with very different characteristics, and try to work out which one will fit DD best.

I worry that I partly like the out of borough one because I haven't visited (as you tend to get a few cons as well as the pros when you visit don't you?) ... but on the other hand it has a lot to recommend it and one of the mums we met said it was by far the calmest school she visited, which I think would be a huge plus for DD...

Keep trying to remind myself that they are all decent schools and there is no reason to think we can't make any of them work... but still... Gaarrghhh!!!!

On the plus side DD was so excited and happy to go back to her pre-school today. I keep worrying that she will fall out of love with school (I used to cry every day when I was at primary!) so every term that she is still happy and excited to go back is amazing!

I guess that's it - most of my options are perfect. The one I have chosen is probably too academic for my boy but hopefully he will have 1:1 and his cousins and Auntie are there so I am hoping that will help him with anxiety ...

That should have read -'not perfect'!

Well, the out of borough school just agreed to show us around - how amazing and lovely of them. So now I can be bewildered and confused based on actual information, rather than based on no information ... that's better, right?

It's so hard to tell though isn't it dimples? It's not obvious that DD has any learning difficulty but I haven't really tried very hard to teach her anything yet so... erm... yes, picking the right school definitely feels like more of an art than a science! Having cousins and an auntie there have to be a massive plus though!

So hard to tell LightTripper. I held off putting in my school choices in the hope that the nurturing, inclusive school of my dreams would materialise on my doorstep! In the end I decided that they all had their pros and cons but from a practical and social point of view my first choice seems the best.

My son has been assessed by the Council's Ed Psych as having v v low cognitive abilities but she advised that tests on 4 year olds are not hugely reliable. I keep hoping that he really underperformed in the tests as he tends to shutdown when put on the spot but I am also aware that I could be in denial (I know he has learning difficulties but as to the extent of them).

Just catching up with this thread. It's so hard all the unknowns atm. I find it hard to imagine Ds in any school within 9 months from now! We are in a difficult situation where we had meetings with a school and they were v positive so we set on it and now they have read his EHCP they are turning around and saying they have significant concerns (our LA are unwilling to tell us what these are specifically at this point) .....we were very open from the beginning so it's a bit of a shock and I'm worried I'm about to have to start the process from scratch somewhere else :( also never a nice feeling that somewhere is basically saying they would rather not have your child / can't cope with their needs.

That's tough Chasingmytail. It's v hard when they have not told you what the reasons are - how can you assess if it is suitable or how their concerns can be dealt with

I hate that: when you try to be very open and are rewarded with negativity and rejection :-(

Luckily I guess we are not in an EHCP situation yet, so schools don't have the chance to be negative. But I know when we get there it will be a different story!

How is everyone? We've finally sent in our primary application phew! We're also waiting for the results of the council's needs assessment for EHCP. It's been pretty stressful but we've agreed a top 2 and they are the one's we'll look at if we get an EHCP.

On the home front we're still trying to get DS out of pull ups for poos but he's completely resistant. He's been very emotional about the return to nursery so we're spending a lot of time managing his emotions and anxiety which is exhausting. I have no clue how we'll cope with starting school.

Hi everyone, hope you are all ok.

How are things going with the school choice **Chasingmytail? I am sorry it hasn’t been more straightforward. Our local school had concerns about taking DS. It wasn’t great to hear it but in some ways I was glad they were open rather than finding out six months down the line it wasn't the right place for him. Could you go and chat to them to see if things can be resolved?

Sorry to hear your LO has been a bit emotional recently **SueVide. Hope things settle down soon.

We finalised our school applications. Our preferred school which is a mainstream with autism unit have been out to visit DS at preschool to see if they can meet his needs. Not clear at the moment when we will hear if they will take him. It is really oversubscribed. I am ok about our second choice school if it comes to that though as it is more local. But they haven’t seen his EHCP yet so may not be straightforward. Part of me just wants to know where he is going and then I can get on with making the most of the next few months before he starts.

Got a date for our EHCp planning meeting, it's in March.
We'll get some forms to fill in soon apparently.
Going to set up a meeting at DS1s school soon to talk to Senco and class teacher.
Was waiting for dates for rest of assessment as didn't want to book up too many days but they don't seem to be coming so just going to go ahead and book.
Been referred to OT, but think we'll probably get rejected as he can feed himself OK, even if it is mainly with his hands.
Want to get back on potty training after stopping before Xmas. If he's going to mainstream I think still being in nappies will affect how other children see him more than the lack of speech.

Ours is in too!

Because (at the moment at least) the concerns with DD seem to be mainly social, we've ended up going for a bit of a left field choice: a brand new school (started in September). It's closer to where we work than where we live, but we may still get in as it was undersubscribed last year and doesn't have an Ofsted yet or even its own building. I know it doesn't sound ideal but I loved the teachers and the work they were doing, they have really excellent ongoing feedback for all children (sending pictures of what they are doing in class more like a nursery), and if she got in it would mean that DD would always be one of the older ones in her school, and would be in a school building that would have lots of spare space, at least to start with. But we are quite far away: if we don't get that one we've gone for another school which is also fairly new (so some of the same benefits of not having the really huge children there and not being so rammed, at least to start with, still apply - plus they teach English and Maths in groups of 15 so that seemed really good for DD). Third is the one our local SENCO recommended: I just didn't love it as much when we got there, they only actually have 2 ASD kids there (so not that much experience) and I didn't love the way that the one in reception was being handled (I felt it was a bit patronising, I'm probably being oversensitive but you need to feel comfortable don't you?) Although it's only single form entry they had everybody out in the playground together, so the smaller kids had to hang around the edges a bit to avoid getting squashed.

Sorry, bit of an abrupt ending! Anyway, hopefully we will get one of those three. If not we are likely in a religious school (we are not) and it's a bit bigger, but still in a really nice building and the play areas are separated by age group, so she still isn't hopefully being too overwhelmed by bigger kids at break times. It is Ofsted outstanding and the building is great but quite densely packed so we didn't like it as much as the others...

Still feel very uncertain which one will be best with DD. Sometimes I feel she will be fine with the actual learning part (she is so interested in the things she is interested in), and then other times she is so in her own world that I worry it will be hard for her to be expected to break out of that and do whatever the rest of the class is going.

But I guess no parent has a crystal ball.

We have a meeting booked in now at another school with a unit attached but it is not very close. However if it is the best place that's the most important. We are having a bad week and I long for the idea that he could find somewhere where he is happy and also that is thoroughly able to cope with all his needs so I'm not living on the edge all the time waiting for the next problem or the phone to ring. However as far as the unit goes I am interested to see how much time the students are able to be in the mainstream classes and how much in the unit. I think it's really important for our Ds to be surrounded by peers to learn from so I'm not keen on the idea he would be removed from this environment too much.

I think I've been a bit naive, I didn't realise the school could look at the EHCP and then say they can't take you. I guess it makes sense if they really feel it's not the right place and like you say better to know now than in 8 months time. Do they give you specific reasons for not wanting to accept? I guess that's a bridge we might come to once the EHCP process gets going.

Lighttripper I like the idea of the new school. Sounds smaller and more manageable.

The nursery have applied for our EHCP. I have been speaking to other local parents and have heard lots of horror stories about our borough so that's something to look forward to!

Bad couple of days here - thought we has turned the corner with potty training just before Christmas but the last couple of days has seen multiple accidents. At least I know he can do it. We had a week with xero accidents in December so hopefully this is just a blip....

When I collected him from nursery they said he had been 'challenging' all day. He screamed all the way home on the bus and then took off a welly and threw it (which would have it another passenger if I had not caught it).

Sorry you've had a bad couple of days dimples. I find everything goes out the window with my ds when he's anxious. Hope tomorrow is better.

Thanks livpotter. We managed a peaceful bedtime so fingers crossed tomorrow is better. I am lucky that at least he's a good sleeper. I have a bad back and I think that is unnerving him - he keeps asking if I've 'broken down'!