Holding down a job and looking after a child with special needs (in particularly autism)

[runikka]

Hi there

I just wondered how many of you mums look after your child and also hold down a job.

I feel that I am really struggling at the moment but on the outside appreciate that I have it good. I am an office manager and do the accounts for a company. I work part time in the office three days a week and then evenings (equivalent to 40 hours a week). I earn a good salary and do have plenty of time with both children. However, I feel I am really struggling and the main problem is guilt.

Daniel, as you may remember me posting, is on the autistic spectrum. He is normally a very happy smiley little chap but I guess in recent weeks we have seen more evidence of his diagnosis. In particular being freaked by changes at home (new flooring) and extremely insecure/anxious.

We are waiting for portage at the moment but are making little headway on the waiting list and feel time is slipping when we could be doing something more beneficial for our son. The problem for me is I feel I have little time to concentrate just on Daniel and to implement anything that might bring on his speech/interaction/general communication. At the moment we just live each day with little progress. He does attend nursery and the first team will shortly be starting with him there.

We also have a little girl and I just feel that my working is counter-productive of us really achieving any progress with Daniel.
It is just everything I have read indicates that spending as much time as possible on activities to encourage learning and communication, in our case speech, is the best (should I say only) chance of overcoming autistic traits.

Sorry for the ramble. My question is are there any other mums who feel the same. I just feel so torn.

Best Wishes
Kirsty

I onw what you mean- 3 children- difficult to give ds1 the time. We now run a part time ABA programme after school and at weekends. But I don't do the ABA- we employ tutors- it means he gets the necessary input (that would be impossible for me to provide). The more hours of ABA you put in, the better (if we were doing it all again, I would start an ABA programme at 2- as much as I could afford), but it doesn't have to be 39 hours a week iyswim.

I'm trying to say that yes time is slipping away, yes doing as much as you can language wise is key, but it doesn't have to be done by you- other people can do it. It sounds daft but it took me a long time to realise that (and other people are far better at it than me- and it means I can be 'Mum" to ds1, rather than therapist).

I completely agree with Gess. Whatever "intervention" you choose (or combo) it does not have to be done by YOU. You can use the same strategies etc as appropriate. I would stick to working and use the money to pay other people to do it. Its much more effective, not just a cop out. I have several friends who have worked and have children with SN and it can work well because you concentrate on doing the important things that need to be done by a parent. Teaching/therapy is best done by others when its formal and by you informally. By that I don't mean other people know best, its just a better set up.

Runikka, I have over the last 4 years felt very torn - I think it is a natural feeling even with nt children, but certainly with ds2 I have at times wondered if I am failing him by not spending more time working with him on various therapies.
But I am glad I have kept working, I have reduced my hours (had to accept a demotion) but i think it has stopped me becoming consumed by ds2's sn (don't mean that to sound dramamtic)but I know I like to have something outside of normal family stuff to get stuck in to.
Gess is right therapy does not have to be done by you, ds2's Childminder does more OT exercises with him than we ever have & playschool really concentrated on speech therapy.
It isn't always easy but it can work, stick with it.