wonderful interaction with other families at the park in the school holidays........not!

[hk78]

hello

thought i would share/vent yet another school holiday/packed park experience.

went with dd's the other day, tried really hard to sit at the edge and not interfere as this is what dd1 now wants (she's 8, hemiplegia)

(and dd2 nt)

so as usual, due to other kids and their totally ignorant parents, it lasted about 5 minutes.

dd1 got to the top of this slide, then had the 'cheek' to slow down slightly at the top as she needs a lot of time to get her leg round etc.

so all the other kids, of all ages (including 'old enough to know better' age) start climbing round her, over her, under her, pushing, moaning,shouting etc etc. so the more this happens, the more she 'freezes'.

and i tried really hard to keep out of it, let her do it herself etc. (obviously watching like a hawk all the time and ready to pounce any moment!)

but the thing that really, really makes me feel, well...violent, tbh, is the parents!

you might say 'kids can't be expected to know any better' (although i'd say some of them could, they're old enough to sense when someone is struggling)

but all the time this is going on, the parents of these brats are standing right there! now they are old enough! i'm not expecting them to know exactly her condition or anything of course, but come on....as an adult, you can sense when there is something not quite right with a child can't you? and as an adult, you step in and say 'do you need help '

or you could say to your own child something like 'give this girl a bit of space' or 'a bit of help' or 'be careful, wait your turn, don't push" i don't know, anything just to give your child a good example in how to treat other human beings, but no! that is beyond these people, they are too busy making sure their little darling gets to go first, last, everything.

every time we go anywhere and it's busy it end up like this! what is wrong with people? i am sure that before i had dd's, i wasn't that stupid/arrogant, and i'm no saint or anything.

anyway, i was a bit pmt and had enough, so i went over, hauled my big booty to the top of this little kids slide, made eye contact with dd1 and no-one else, and in a really loud voice (shout) said 'oh dear you have been stuck there for 10 minutes and all the other children are just pushing you out of the way and their mummies and daddies are all just watching them do it. that's not nice is it, let's make sure you get your turn shall we?"

as soon as they realised they were going to look bad, it was like the parting of the red sea: all the mummies stepped straight in and moved their children. but they couldn't do it when dd1 was sat there struggling, only when i embarassed everyone? (including myself yea yea) how sad.

i am not ashamed to say that i enjoyed it immensely and it relieved a great deal of tension, and dd1 had a smile on her face during it too

(if she had been upset at all obviously i wouldnt have said anything but i know she feels the same because she's always telling us!)

and all the time, dd2 was standing patiently at the bottom of the slide, bless her!

anyway, we had one go each, then thought it was time to make a smooth exit before i got lynched or something

and these are the people who probably pity us because we have special needs children? i'd rather be one of us!

(and i'll drive miles to find a nearly-empty playground, it's so worth it!)

and hence why we only visit parks at 5pm or later.

its sad but i just can't afford a jail term

lol mamazon, what a good idea to visit parks after 5pm (not much later than that though or the weirdos start coming out-although, that is still better than those parents lol)

you are too right about that jail term

Message withdrawn

i am all for 'embarrassing' people who can't have the decency to behave respectfully to others. Whether your dd had special needs or not - there is no need for the other children to shove past, climb over etc. They wait their turn - end of story.

I am always saying something to other children who cannot behave nicely in playgrounds - my big bugbear is climbing slides the wrong way when they can see other children waiting at the top to slide down. I always say something.

We are pretty lucky -there are a couple of play grounds near us that are not that busy and so we manage to have a good time.

Sorry to hear you had a time to start with and good on you for saying something.

we only do quiet parks (read empty).

Much sympathy. I posted earlier on anther section moaning about a father in McDonald's today wincing when ds1 was scremaing. Yes he's loud when he screams, but it should be obvious that there's something going on (he's almost 8, nonverbal, severely autistic). Why f** wince? Arsehole.

There is a new roundabout accessible to wheelchair users in one of my local parks. Was lovely to see it, and the severely disabled boy just having a wonderful time going round, with his family and other children.
Some people are rubbish though, it's true.

Well done & they should be embarassed it is just rude & bad mannered to push & shove sn or not.
I usually can't help myself & have to say something but just recently ds1 (7) has beaten me to it, a while back he turned on a crowd of kids shoving to get balloons & upsetting ds2 & shouted JUST WAIT then calmly escorted ds2 back to our table with balloon & a big grin.
Don't let the rude people win, your dc's are entitled to enjoy the park.

i'm torn between the loud voice and yet feeling really miserable that it's happening and just slinking off.
my nt dd just 2 was testing the acoustics of the art gallery in a park we were at - i was clearly leading her out when a women winced , very dramatically said it was giving her a headache and put her hands over her ears. i think my dh was a little shocked by my subsequent tears in a dark corner of the park - i think it was the poor me factor of having to now shrug it off with my nt kids - suppose it should have made me realise it happens with all kids. sorry babbling!

HK78 - good approach. It sounds like your daughter still needs you to do this for her sometimes. Horrible for you to witness.

Do you think there is sometimes a sense of JUST NOT KNOWING what to do in these situations among people, rather than maliciousness or not caring? Is there a mistaken belief these days that you mustn't draw attention to someone with a disability of any sort??

The other parents were wrong not to intervene but I'm wondering if some of them wanted to and didn't know how, given how they reacted when you stepped in.

Hope you have a better experience for the rest of the holidays.

That sounds really crap hk78 but i think you did well by staying in control of the situation and rescuing your dd at the same time.

My dc are 8 and 6, the youngest has sn and i now avoid parks, indoor play areas, etc. like the plague. And its not because of the kids its the parents.

i live in London, a diverse, multicultural city and yet the intolerance we have endured has been quite breathtaking, you need an incredibly thick skin when your child has sn i have realised! Luckily his dad has skin like a rhino and goes everywhere with him but even he has had his patience tested on a few occasions.

Before i even knew what it was like to parent a child with sn i know i was never as ignorant as some of the people i have met!!

Try and enjoy the rest of the holidays and put that incident to the back of your mind.

mymatemax well done your ds

Well done, I'm so glad you stepped in and what a great example to set your dd, that she has just as many rights as anyone else.

ooh feeling a lot better now, thank you for a lot of support again, it has made it 'go away' a bit just writing it all out on mumsnet!

tobysmumkent, lol at wiping the dew off!

mymatemax your ds sounds great, i love it when kids do that

aloha that playground sounds great, where is that?

honeyblue you are right, the kids you could possible forgive but it's the parents! and i feel the same in the school playground (back to that next week, ho-hum)actually i find indoor play centres a bit better, if only because at least if they fall/get pushed, everything has safety netting! but still nightmare: went to one the other week, all was fine until it got a bit more busy then as soon as kids realise she's different they start picking on her and they don't even know her. bullying goes on inside the tunnels etc. where adults can't see, god what is wrong with these kids,why are they so full of hate already ?

londonmamma i take your good point, most people do not mean to be malicious (if they were, it would be so much easier to know how to deal with them)and it's true that nowadays, everyone is suffocating with pc claptrap so they don't want to draw attention to disability etc.:

but i do find that, even with nt dd2, it is just a general tidal wave of ignorance, bad manners, pushiness and shoviness (is that a word? oh well i've just invented it )
that the country seems to be disappearing under!

as eidsvold has said, sn or not, you can tell your kids to wait their turn, respect others etc. but 99% people don't seem to want to now.

think i'll go and live on a desert island where dd will just be 'herself' bless her. she is fine most of the time because she is still not aware of most of it, but she often mentions things other kids at school have said/done and i do need to lock myself in the bathroom for a cry. (feel like i'm throwing her back in the lions den come monday morning!)

actually, scrub that: all those others can go to the island and we'll all have the playgrounds to ourselves!