Son may be excluded. Any advice?

[Blahblahblahhhhhhh]

Ds 7 is undiagnosed with asd. On waiting list atm but it's all taking so long.
I digress. Today I get a phone call from the dep head who is also the senco asking me to come in and pick him up ect.
He has been violent. Difiant. Uncooperative and has destroyed other kids work. She thinks it's because we went away for the weekend . His routine was off. And wants to exclude him non permanently. I dont know what to do. I feel so alone. I have no other parent to talk too who has children like this. And I feel in over my head.
The weekend away was a 40th Birthday present to butlins so not exactly sunny Acapulco . kid friendly and he had a great time. We haven't been away in holiday for 3 years now. This was a real treat. But now it seems.it's sent him back 50 steps and I can't help blaming myself.
I hate the thought of him being at home during the day. The holidays were bad enough and almost killed me..
I work 4 evenings a week so I get some respite their.
I don't expect any replies but I just wanted to rant.
Thank you for reading.

I empathise op, it may be that the school are not meeting your child's needs. , he became anxious and overwhelmed and it manifested in this outburst. Schools never look inward for solutions and ask what they can do to improve matters, my son is ten and hf asd, school are useless , give him red cards for processing delay when he cant follow an instruction. My son holds it together at school and lets it out at home. As parents we think and avoid potential triggers for outbursts and school seem to relish providing triggers. They treats asd kids as neurotypical and it doesn't work.
I would try and appeal the exclusion and ask for additional support for him it sounds a bit harsh

Thanks for the post.

Don't forget. It's in your schools interest for your child to do well. NO SCHOOL wants exclusions on their records- these are permanantly there and shout 'bad behaviour' to anyone looking.

Usually this isn't bad behaviour but a last step. When children get anxious and continually escalate it can be difficult to ensure their safety and the choice is a spot exclusion.

There should have been a meeting after where strategies were discussed. If this happens... try this... or...

It will be useful to discuss this with the SENCO. Don't worry about no diagnosis, if you have a need it should be being met. :)

make sure you get the paperwork.

I love the irony of believing that the behaviour is down to messed up routine and then deciding to us a sanction that messes up the routine still further. In our experience fixed-term exclusions are not a good way to manage behaviour in a child with an ASC as they increase stress.

I think school are talking a load of crap. It was nothing to do with your weekend away. It was to do with them obviously not meeting his needs, he became overwhelmed and a melt down ensued.

If they are going down the exclusion route make sure they are following correct procedures. All too often children with SEN are excluded illegally.

www.ipsea.org.uk/what-you-need-to-know/exclusion-from-school

If your son does not have an EHCP make an application for an EHC Needs assessment.

www.ipsea.org.uk/what-you-need-to-know/ehc-needs-assessments/asking-for-an-ehc-needs-assessment

Isn't it an illegal exclusion if the school request you pick them up during the day and hasn't been done officially?