No diagnosis. How to communicate with DS?

[greenballsoffire]

I have my suspicions that DS (just 5) has ASD traits. But will not get a diagnosis.

He is extremely intelligent, good eye contact, very popular, very sociable, great language, ahead on milestones always

BUT

He has extremely long and violent tantrums
He seems to confuse things (sensory eg needs wee and he thinks he's thirsty, nice smells he might think are yuk and bad smells nice etc)
He cannot cope with change to routine - tells me off or misbehaves eg we were late for school and assembly started... he wouldn't sit down for it till he'd been to classroom to hang up coat, bag and then got angry at not playing before going and refused to go
He reacts to any pain as if it requires an ambulance - there's no scale, everything goes straight to maximum reaction and screaming
I notice he takes things literally and reacts with tantrums when I try to explain what's meant

I don't know how to communicate with him... I don't talk literally naturally and when he is reacting it does look from the outside like he's just being spoilt or naughty refusing to listen but I'm not sure he actually is... I suspect he may really not understand and acts up as he's anxious

I have a big event coming up and I'm terrified how he will behave...

I'm getting frightened he will just become "the naughty kid"

Please does anyone have any good resources or ideas on how I need to phrase instructions?

He's had things I thought he'd grow out of but it's not happening... he presents like a 7 year old yet emotionally his behaviour and reactions would be appropriate if he was 2-3 and in comparison to the rest of him... they seem like spoiled/naughty drama king

Sorry apologies if should not post here but I just thought some posters might be quite experienced and knowledgeable in how you should communicate with this type of child

I really don't expect a diagnosis but I do feel he isn't naughty for the sake of it but confused

The book "the explosive child" might be what you're looking for.

Ooh thank you will look that up now

Was it ”Too Loud Too Bright Too Fast Too Tight” zzzzz?

Try and introduce scales of things for his feelings and experiences, it takes ages, but right now he's experiencing things as either superb or disastrous with nothing in-between.

It's quite common for kids on the spectrum to have an emotional age that's about two thirds of their actual age, so when you're dealing with him, try to keep that in mind.

Also, look up PDA strategies, some of them may help.

Do go for assessment because you'd be surprised at the amount of professionals who can see beyond an initial "mostly NT" presentation and discover the areas he's struggling in. He's very young at the moment, dx can take a long time but you will be much better prepared for the future if you start raising the concerns in your post with your GP now.