HELP. not sure what else to do

[totallyspent]

DS started Reception. Has ASD. probably PDA, extremely demand avoidant. He's at MS and on a settling in plan where he's doing 1/2days. When I pick him up it is very tricky getting him home -through a park luckily- but lots of coaxing and stand offs. I have another DS in year 2 who we have to collect at home time. Getting DS2 there part way there is fairly easy, just time consuming. But he is off the scale as soon as we approach the school. Maybe because of the crowds? He won't walk, takes his shoes off, rocks on the ground. It takes a combination of threats to leave him there (which he doesn't mind at all until I'm a fair distance away) or dragging him up. He's a big boy too so it's v difficult. I know the threats to leave him are counter productive as it adds to his anxiety but I cannot get him to move when I'm next to him. I'm increasingly late picking up my DS and I'm at my wits end. Today was epic because once I collected DS1, he kept taking off his wellies, throwing himself on the ground, refusing to walk. I'm trying to persuade him up but that makes him dig his heels in. I've tried lots of bribes but they've been worn thin now. E.g. Bubbles, promise of his iPad at home. It took ages to get him home and when he was walking, he was barefoot and running through painful looking stones/sticks/wet leaves. In the end I had to shove his boots on him and drag him up by his wrist and frog March him home. Towards the end he used his weight to stop walking so I had to carry him
Kicking and screaming. I had a word with the school and they agreed to speed up his full day start because we think it might be the stress of having to return to the school for another school run. We've also introduced pictures to prepare him for the school pick up of DS. At loss what to do. I felt bad for grabbing his wrist and matching him home but the alternative was to let him roll around in the wet mud/leaves for god knows how long. help!!! Any suggestions?!?!!

He has a lovely 1:1 at school and by all Accounts doing really well. Very relaxed, everything at his own pace. It's just getting to and fro school at the end of the day.

Can you drive or put him in a buggy?

I can't drive unfortunately. He's too big for the buggy. Unless I get a specialist one. I'm thinking maybe reintroducing the scooter but he often scoots off into the distance. Unless I tie myself to it and keep a vicelike hold on him. On reflection, after the trauma of today, I think the reason he acts up is because he gets tired.

Does he have an EHC Plan? You might be entitled to home to school transport.

I still put very large DS 5 in our Phil and Teds pushchair, it exceeds the weight limit but the chassis is so solid. Could he be hungry?? I think they get massively hungry after any time at school and I am worried a little about this with DS as he's used to quite a bit of snack grazing at home mid morning. Fruit really but often a whole round of toast about 10am, he's not a big eater, but I think he'll be starving when he finally starts his half days

Thanks for all your great suggestions! I'm worried about the buggy because if he's not in the mood, he can easily struggle out of the straps and get out. Or cause buggy to tip over trying. I suppose the trick is to get him in when calm and willing. I DO think he might be hungry, today he was ok (ish...) when I picked him up after lunch. And it was after the mega meltdown (once we got back after DS1 hometime), that he ate a massive dinner.
ZZZZ That tow along looks great, will look into that.
He does get an EHCP...
I never anticipated the walking would be such an issue. Stupid really, he used to play up when collecting DS1 after nursery. I think if the weather was nicer I'd be more open to slowly strolling along and waiting for him to get up but when it's drizzly, cold and muddy then I feel so powerless and crap by letting him root on the ground. Obviously, there are tons of parents and kids walking by
The other day (just after his 1/2 day) I could tell he was so tired but he couldn't allow himself to leave the park. We had lunch in the park cafe and then was wandering around for ages. he was refusing to leave despite me encouraging him to (I could tell he was bored at this point and wanted to go home but he couldn't transition) in the end he was just curling up on the ground.

Thanks ZZZZ and everyone! He was much better today, I came armed with snacks and drip fed him along the way. Took us close to 1hr to get home but no tears or tantrums. Well, a mini one because the squirrels kept running away from his enthusiastic feeding, but nothing like the scale of yesterday! I was feeling rather bleak about the whole thing because it feels like he is becoming more and more unmanageable...But I guess we'll hit a point and then hopefully things will improve.
DS1 has ASD too but he is high functioning and relatively easy to manage. I think it was a shock (still is) that DS2 is autistic too. His traits came on quite late so it was very hard to wrap my head around it.

You've described my life. One dc in school who also has asd. Our youngest is only in school for 45 minutes a day (also has asd) and is awful at walking. We've resorted to her buggy on the school run as she hates the walking and finds crowds exhausting.

I was in a very similar situation last year with my NT DS2. DS2's school finishes 10 minutes before DS1's, and the two schools are a couple of streets apart. DS2 would stand still, sit or lie on the ground, take his shoes off, scream and shout. If I tried to carry him he would hit, scratch and arch his back. A snack and a drink would slow him down because he would stand or sit still to eat it. I tried a bike and scooter but he would refuse to ride it so I ended up with a child refusing to walk and a bike to carry or wheel along. I had the same concerns about him tipping a buggy that he was too heavy for. We were always late to pick up DS1 who has ASD. He would be in tears because he was so anxious about being the last to be picked up.

Now he has started in reception he seems a little better. His class room doors open a couple of minutes earlier which gives us more time and he lets me carry him now. I feel your pain. It will get easier.

Well we have to pick up DS1 soon. I've drawn him a picture but he's refusing to leave the house. He's just urinated on the floor deliberately. I downplayed it and cleaned it up without fussing but
I've got 20mins to persuade him. Praying the contraband will work. Sweets, crisps sugary drink.

There are a few trikadoo for sale on ebay at the moment.

I survived to tell the tale! It was actually ok in the end. We left the house with my enormous bag of snacks and I managed to eek out the promise of his lollipop till we collected DS. This was touch and go because most times he will just explode with rage at the idea of holding out for his desired object. I gave him a skittle every 20metres interspaced with salt n vinegar crackers.
Great idea about the tickets! He'd love that. He's a funny one about activities. Depends on his mood. If he does like something he expects the carbon copy of what happened last time otherwise he'll start raging. Or he'll get absorbed and refuse to move on. I do get a knot of stress in my tummy because he can be so unpredictable. Or rather, he is predictable by exploding at the slightest hint of obstruction. I have just started reading the explosive child but it's tricky to apply what I've read so far, because DS has quite severe speech delay so communication is v difficult. He gets so frustrated when I struggle to understand him, yet is not interested in using pictures to communicate. He communicates by screaming, shouting, throwing things and roughing up his sister...

Zzzzz - if you don't mind me asking, how did you go about singing with DS to improve his speech? Was it to a particular tune, rhythm?

Just collected DS after lunch and had another hellish stroll through the park. The snacks are wearing thin and I had to carry him home again because he was face down on the pavement. But when he got in screaming blue murder he urinated again through his clothes and threw a really heavy toy at my head. Which effing hurt! I was so shocked, I just stared at him quite calmly and said 'oh dear. ouch, thank you very much' Not sure this is the correct response but I was so bloody shocked. What do most people do when this happens? Ie when ur DC lobs stuff at you?!? To be fair, he rarely throws things AT me but I think he was quite shocked too. So fed up with all this. I wasn't even angry. Just defeated and deflated.

thanks Zzzz! He's started to hum tunes himself so I think this will catch on. Come to think of it, I used to do this (a bit) when my DCs were babies but just fell out of the habit