6yo boy with PDA

[jenjen73]

My DS has suspected Aspergers and also meets a lot of the PDA criteria. I am at a loss with him at the moment, we had a very difficult summer and going back to school (y2) has given us some repute but led to no real change in mood.

In a nut shell, we struggle to get him to do anything and everything. Typical weekend involves moping around the house in his pjs until we somehow entice him to get changed (usually before lunch). He often seems bored but is resistant to all our attempts to cheer things up. Eventually, we may succeed in getting him out - a brief trip to the garden centre or visit grandparents for an hour (often with iPad!) The incentive for which is that he can put pjs on when he gets home! Sometimes he really enjoys going out (e.g. Walks were he can go off and explore stuff- pick up sticks and stone etc) and the sense of having achieved something with our day can be amazing. But weirdly, he will sulk and refuse to do the exact same thing (or version of) when we suggest it again the following weekend. And so on it goes.

I find it quite depressing spending so much time at home and having to cajole him for a snatched half hour of life hear and there. It really comes to something when even a treat (e.g. a no pressure trip in the car to the local ice cream farm) gets knocked back.

I'm not sure why I'm posting to be honest. Think I just need to vent!

• HERE and there
• walks WHERE he can go Oh dear - sleep deprivation taking its toll!

We rely on routine, routine & more routine (an activity class, same lunch every Sat), and prep a day or two in advance so he knows what we'll be doing. DS would rather go to B&Q (then park after!) with a couple of days' notice than do any spontaneous trip, no matter how thrilling. He doesn't have a PDA profile though, so this may be useless to you.

We have to be up and out for his class on Sat morning and I think this sets us up well for the weekend, because he enjoys it and feels better for the run around, and thrives on the routine. However I can see that won't work at all if your DS would resist doing the activity.

Routines don't seem to make much difference. We do have them during the week but going to school is something he has so far accepted as a fact of life. We often have a little moment of resistance right before we leave but it's almost part of his routine, a final step out into the world. We tried a weekend swimming class once but it really, really didn't work!

He will leap at the chance to go and do something he wants to do - playing with the neighbour or his cousins but I can't think of any other thing he would do without a lot of dragging of heels. And you might think playin with other kids sounds great, but it gets him in a very excitable state and often leads to meltdowns.

I know he needs to be in control and that is sort of fine - I'd happily take his lead if he had any suggestions but he never does. He just wants to shuffle around the house like a caged animal, staring out of th window waiting for a glimpse of the next door neighbour.

Don't cajole. Or ask. Or offer.

If he's accepted school he's capable of accepting other things. My 5 year old is severely pda and every single tiny little thing has been hard work, still is. But the 'option' and pleading never worked.

If it's got so bad he won't leave the house, start with what he does leave the house for, school. One day a week, collect him but do something small and nice on the way back. Don't ask him. Don't talk about it. Like the park or even 5 minutes in a shop to get his favourite food. Don't make a big deal out of it. If he resists, wait, relax, wait again.

My child would resist everything, everything!

I'd be prepared for things to take months though. For us we've lowered expectations right down. He used to go mental in shops, park, swimming, out the door, even took 30 mins regularly to get him into his car seat.

Even on days in, I vary it, literally have a timetable for me, that breaks up his day into upstairs play, downstairs, chores, tv, garden, music and dancing around the kitchen, books etc. The crucial thing is I never show him or tell him, or ask him to do a single one of these things. I just casually do it myself.... like I never say 'let's go to the garden', I open the door and get the balls out, kick them around, he's out in a flash. If I asked him to do it though, he'd scream no!

Hard work, pda.