Having a second child with first one diagnosed with ASD

[sresree]

Hello All,

I have a 4 year old son diagnosed with ASD couple of months. His autism is diagnosed as severe but he is verbal and is capable of learning. I am his full time teacher. I left my job a year back to support him. My plan is to go back to work once he starts full time school (a setting where he will be happy and thriving and learning). Now my husband is forcing me to have a second child. But I am very unsure about it. This is mainly because me and my husband never had a good relationship. His idea of parenting is also different and thinks its entirely mothers responsibility to take care of the children. He is supporting me and my son financially (food and shelter) as I have quit my job. But he is threatening me that he will leave us if I do not agree for a second child. I too would like to have a second child but I feel its impossible with my husband. The possibility of second child also with special needs terrifies me. I may never be able to cope up with life. I am not sure what to do about this. I had discussed this matter with my husband many times but he never seems to understand. He says he is ready to change but I seriously doubt is that is ever going to happen.

Regards
sresree

I think you need to post on the relationships board

Forcing you to have a child is pretty vile.

What happens if you can't go back to work? What if ds doesn't settle, can't cope in the setting or its only for half a day - there's many parents on here who have found work impossible.

Why would u have another child with someone u don't have a good relationship with

Statistics are against you. Any subsequent dc are much more likely to also have ASD. 2 of my 4 dc are diagnosed with ASD & ADHD.

The bigger issue is your dh.
Let him prove he's changed, possibly then consider if you want to have another dc.

The reality is school brings about another set of equally draining & exhausting issues. It only changes as they get older, its not easier.

"Statistics are against you" isn't a very kind way of referring to autistic children/people.

Thanks everyone for the replies. I am in a difficult position either way. Anyways I will decide whatever is better for my child and me.

Polter it might not be nice but it's true and relevant to the question. I also think that it does not get easier as they get older (this goes for all children SN or not), instead you get new difficulties and challenges.

Statistics are indeed true.. my first born son was diagnosed with autism when I had a newborn who has since subsequently been diagnosed. Would I have had another if I had known my first born was autistic - no, did I have any idea when I conceived my second child - no. Walk in my shoes before you judge as it's not been an easy road. Personally I'd think long and hard before considering to have another child however your husband insisting you do is more a concern if I'm honest.