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SN children

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Original poster

Does anyone find that having a normally developing second child really highlights the problems your first one had at that age?

44 replies

colditz · 02/04/2007 20:24

Ds2, aged nearly 1, took the phone off me today and started mimicing my pitch and tone "Abba dadada babammmmm" into it. i was gobsmacked, rang a frind, and apparently this is all perfectly normal!

Ds1 didn't do this. nothing like this. Ds1, aged 4, has only just this month started pretending to have phone conversations - he seems to have a big mental block when it comes to communications.

OP posts:

magsi · 02/04/2007 20:29

Absolutely colditz! Our ds1 is 5 now and we have since had 2 others. I remember when our second was born and in her early years. My god I thought (and still do ) she was a bloody genius at times!. It makes you think that if they were swapped round iykwim we would have known really early about his sn. Still, wouldn't change anything for the world

lourobert · 02/04/2007 20:36

I can imagine that its a very bitter/sweet time......!

Original poster

colditz · 02/04/2007 20:37

Yes exactly - there was always something about ds1's non speech that I couldn't put my finger on, and now having ds2, I realise that ds1 never ever copied me. He was very late to talk, very unclear to talk, everyone kept telling me, "Oh, he's a boy, they are all lazy" (ggrr)

but I knew something wasn't right, and only now can I say what.

OP posts:

gess · 02/04/2007 20:39

ds3 (aged 2) is streets ahead of ds1 (almost 8) in everything (hmm except toilet training- everything else though). I always think its terribly unfair. That it's so hard for one, when it should be so easy.

giddy1 · 02/04/2007 20:48

Message deleted

Original poster

colditz · 02/04/2007 20:51

giddy

OP posts:

Socci · 02/04/2007 21:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Troutpout · 02/04/2007 21:09

I can remember my mum giving dd a new toy at 5 months old...she looked at it ...but then looked at me first as if to say 'what do you think of it?'
I was gobsmacked
Also remember her pointing for the first time...made me cry

Troutpout · 02/04/2007 21:12

At the same age ...i was blissfully unaware of anything being different about ds.
so yes...dd really highlighted stuff i had missed.

Original poster

colditz · 02/04/2007 21:15

With ds2, it's the fact that he will march on his fat knees pat all the great toys, to see whgo has just walked through the door, or to come and poke something into my mouth

Ds1, always, would rather have had the toys. he was so slow to NOTICE us as his family, he noticed now, but even now he is sometimes switched off and when exp comes to see him I have to tell him to go and see daddy.

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TeeCee · 02/04/2007 21:25

Yes absolutley but so far it hasn't been upsetting or anything which I thought it might.

I just kept freaking at things DD2 was doing. Tiny things most of the time. Like when I peeled her trousers off she automatically lifted her leg up to get the trouser all the way off. She was about 6 or 7 months old, I was so shocked. She was walking properly at 10 moths and never crawled again. She did the phone thing too and replaced it in the cradle properly. She was picking up blueberries and feeding herself at 6 months. Turning the page of a book, 1 page at a time. So many things.

It took me months of endlessly showing Lottie how to climb down stairs. Eve did it on her own straight away and has never really had to be shown anything twice!

I thought I'd find that really hard, but actually it's really made me appreciate Lottie even more than I did before and I find their huge differences such a cause for celebration. It may not always be that way but at the moment I love that DD2 seems to me to be super-baby and I am even prouder than ever of Lottie's acheivments etc.

I absolutley feel very lucky to have the experience of raising a child with and a child without SN's.

TeeCee · 02/04/2007 21:28

Oh, just read everyone else's posts slowly this time and hope my post doesn't come across as all smug cheery.

lourobert · 02/04/2007 21:30

GOd- im welling up now!!!!! The thought of my 2nd coming along scares the HELL of me. Im excited that one day I might get the chance to do all the things Id thought id be doing with my 17 month old son but i can see how that time will always make me a little sad.

Teecee- your post about appreciating Lottie more captured it all for me i think.

lourobert · 02/04/2007 21:31

It certainyl doesnt come across as smug just a proud mum....!!!

Aloha · 02/04/2007 21:32

Well, ds is being utterly brilliant and wonderful at the moment, and is coming on in absolute leaps and bounds, but it has stunned me how dd has loved imaginative play, and how quick she has been to walk, feed herself, undress and dress herself, jump, run, climb and all that malarky. And she's so fearless, where ds, who has sensory issues, is scared of heights and fast movements and all sorts of things.
But she has been fantastic for him, socially, physically, everything. And they love each other. Ds reads to her, and to walk into the room to see them cuddled up, him reading to her, is wonderful. I told them today 'I am such a lucky mummy, I have such wonderful children', and I absolutely mean it. Had a wonderful weekend with all three from 15 to two, and all fabulous.

ScummyMummy · 02/04/2007 21:33

Oh Aloha. How lovely.

Socci · 02/04/2007 21:33

This reply has been deleted

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Aloha · 02/04/2007 21:36

Went a bit mad with the wonderfuls! But really, it has been great. And she is fantastic for him, and, I hope vice versa. But, yes, I would have noticed his difficulties even earlier if dd had been born first. Went to London Zoo today and it was so enjoyable with them both.
Ds was so keen to get in and have his picnic. 'We could sit over there in that park bit with the flowers. That would be pleasant, wouldn't it?' he IS Fotherington-tomas!

Aloha · 02/04/2007 21:37

Dd is fantastic on the phone - has conversations and is only two. Ds is rubbish!

Troutpout · 02/04/2007 21:37

You are right Teecee.It does make you appreciate your child with special needs more.
Also...i cut my self some slack at the same time i think...it was good for me too.I guess deep down at the back of my mind i still had a ghost of a feeling that somehow i had caused ds's problems. dd helped me put that one to bed once and for all.It wasn't anything i had (or hadn't) done...it was just the way he was.

Aloha · 02/04/2007 21:40

Yes, that's true. I can also see that dd doesn't need to be taught stuff, she just does it. And I think that we tend to be very hard on ourselves and assume that everything our children such as feeding and tantrums and the speed with which they speak or walk is down to us and our superior or inferior parenting, but actually, loads of it is simply developmental and innate.

TeeCee · 02/04/2007 21:40

Lourobert, I was terrified too but I can honestly say I've yet to have that bittersweet feeling. Lottie is Lottie. Eve is Eve.

Lottie has irrational fears, it takes her a while to master new skills, it's just how it is and I don't think or dwell on it in a negative way, it's just ... it's just how it is. Oh and she's pretty determined with a very strong will who likes to do things her way. That's wonderful daughter no 1.

Daughter no 2 is fearless, climbs onto and over everything and falls off and gets straight up, rarely cries. She appears to be quite bright and fast to learn and determined with a very strong will who likes to do things her way!

lourobert · 02/04/2007 21:41

troutpout. Me and my dp have have teting and we know that out ds's problems arnt because of anything yet I still have doubts in my mind.

Think thats why Im so scared of having another really....!wont be for a while yet though

SpookyMadBunny · 02/04/2007 21:43

Yes definitely. dd2 is 2 1/2 years younger than d1 and is overtaking her developmentally. dd1 is nearly 5 1/2.

Blossomhill · 02/04/2007 21:55

Sometimes I think it's harder when you have it the other way round. I was well aware of dd's difficulties as I had my older ds to compare her to.
Although saying that having an nt older brother has helped dd loads to develop.

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