ASD diagnosis just hit me

[Bazzinga]

4.5 year old diagnosed in march this year. Half expected it though it came a bit somber. No ADOS required.
Had a tough couple of weeks with DD anxieties, reducing the anxiety and now there's an increase in the more 'bad' behaviours. Shouting and hitting etc.

I had a plan (more fool me) knew what kind of Mum I was going to be. Toughed out a rough pregnancy, coped with breastfeeding, weened well. Was always confident in my choices.

Now I'm drowning. I don't know how to handle her behaviours. I have a great NHS team in place that I'm lucky for. But they have limited tools and I hate leaning in them for answers. I feel like I should know what to do. Sometimes I do, I know the theory but the practice is so much harder, I lose my temper on occasion and then feel horribly guilty that I'm increasing the anxiety as I am her safe place.

80% sure my 2 year old DS will end up with a diagnoses too. Outings are hellish. I just want to stay at home the three of us. But then feel judged for that.

I think the reality is just hitting me. I look at her and the mixture of feelings I have are too much sometimes. Does anybody know what I mean?

So not to drip feed. Separated from her dad, he's in denial still anyway so no support

only go out a bit. nowt wrong with that. and yes to outings hellish. holidays too. supermarket trips...

Thank God for Amazon Prime!

We are still mid-assessment with all the uncertainty that brings, so I can't say I know what you're going through but I didn't want to read and run.

FWIW I think everyone's plans change. Or perhaps they should, anyway, as we learn through the mistakes we make and learn more about the individuals we are bringing up - with or without SN. You're no longer a rank amateur at this parenting lark, you are picking up experience and expertise as you go along and that's a good thing.

I struggle to see the positive at the moment. If DS doesn't get diagnosed, we will still have the same difficulties day to day. They won't magically evaporate.

One thing I found enormously helpful was when the HV came round when I was feeling low. She listened to me and help me decide on a Plan. Nothing major, just a couple of new strategies to try, but just knowing what I was going to do made me feel better. Do you have anyone you could use for a sounding board in this way?

Thank you. Yes I have an amazing health visitor who has tons of experience and lots to offer in terms of support.

I feel a bit embarrassed reading my OP back. I was feeling very sorry for myself. I usually get on with it. Back to the status quo this week!