DS with Aspergers giving me the silent treatment

[SugarMiceInTheRain]

Apologies for the rambling thread but have spent most of this week close to tears due to built up frustration. Wasn't sure how to word thread title but just wondered if anyone has any tips for how to deal with it when children just blank you? DS1 (age 11) is very bright and articulate, does well academically and appears to be getting on very well at school, according to teachers and him when he does mention anything about school, but...

at home he barely speaks to me at all - I could be asking him anything at all - what he'd like for dinner/ what he did today/ telling him it's time to go out/ why he's not eating.... and he just will ignore me entirely or look at me sullenly and say nothing. I know it is probably due to his Aspergers but I find it absolutely infuriating. I think it's the fact that he looks defiant when I ask him questions. How do you deal with it? I try to ignore but every so often (eg today) I just lose it. Trying to drill it into him that it's extremely rude to ignore people. Literally the only thing that will make him speak is if I threaten to take away the PS4 or his tablet but I can't threaten that every time I want some information from him can I? I try to make sure he has plenty of quiet time on his own to process the day etc but just feel like I'm banging my head against a brick wall. Find it hard to separate out how much of this behaviour is his condition and how much is attitude/ defiance (it has definitely got worse over the last few months).

Anyone able to advise? Feeling clueless and lost. Have never had extra help for him at school (apart from initial visits from Autism Outreach in the first year or so post diagnosis when he was 6/7) because he performs well academically so there are no professionals who deal with him to talk things over with.

Try non-verbal means of communication. Texting, emails, notes. It does sound like you're expecting too much in the way of small-talk, which a lot of us find really hard. For whatever reason he's preferring not to talk, I'd just ride it out and not make a fuss.

how are you on non verabl communication.

dd does not speak sometimes but will communicate with signs or pointing or eyes or face if I read them correctly.

ds stopped speaking for a month. he used sounds to indicate his choices.

if he is 11 and in Y6 that is a tough year sats wise and the increased pressure may have pushed him over the edge.

if Y7 then the change of routine to secodary may be too much for him.

or sullen teen and asd increasing its effects.

My son does this too .often he will go all day without speaking to me or his siblings.its usually when he has a loymt going on in his mind like returning back to school aftr holidays or lots of homework.even a change like my eldest son going back to uni can make him non verbal.i try not to make a big thing of it.if i ask him questions he hates that and will sometimes meltdowm.i find giving him time and space to process his thoughts makes him less anxious.i hope this helps

My 7 year old can be like this at home. I have to remind myself that he's just doing his own thing and doesn't want the chit chat type conversation I would quite like! However, at other times, he doesn't stop talking like on a dog walk...he talks the absolute entire time After a day at school he's been quite clear about the fact occasionally we are asking too many questions and its obviously overwhelming, so we've learnt to reduce the questions. It can feel like we are demanding information from him I think, When he he just wants to have time to process his day. I do understand how it might make you feel a bit sad when your son won't talk to you though. But I just try and remind myself why and this helps.

I may try texting him when I need to know information though he is yet to reply to a text I send - mainly uses his phone for trying to find out where I am when picking him up from school. He is in Year 7 though has been at his high school for a year already (phasing out an old 'middle school' system where we are) so it's not the change in schools - last year he was remarkably unfazed by the transition to high school - I was amazed at how well he adapted from a one-form entry primary school to 9-form entry high school but he seems to have found his 'tribe' there and teachers were really positive about him in parents' evening and reports.

I don't try to particularly make conversation as I know he sees it as pointless but when I need information or ask him about his preference (eg for dinner) and he ignores me, then make something I think he'll like and get glared at because I'm not a mind reader and he doesn't want it, it's very hard not to shout 'Aaarrggh! I'm not psychic!'

Guess I just have to brace myself for this lasting right through his teens. Was hoping to get another couple of years before the sullen teenager phase. Will try to make less of a big deal about it and just explain if he doesn't tell me what he wants/ what the problem is, he can't be upset when he doesn't get it/ I don't solve it!

Thank you all for taking the time to reply!

No, do say 'aaaarrgghh I'm not psychic', and ham it up, not everything needs to be dealt with seriously, get silly and dramatic. We've had a lot of fun with silly voices and puppets, find ways to make light of it and encourage humour.

Try reducing demands. I have board in kitchen i write the dinners for each day so they know what they are getting.

If I need a specific answer to a question. I literally have to get infront of them, make eye contact and ask the question so I tend to limit that