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Is this separation anxiety?

5 replies

Areyoufree · 30/08/2017 00:02

My almost 6 year old daughter really struggles when she is away from me, and I am unsure whether it is just normal for her age or something that needs addressing. She hates me leaving the house and gets really upset if she knows I am going for a run in the evening - even if it will be after she is in bed. If she can't see me then she will often panic and get really upset - playing hide and seek can result in her becoming very panicky and tearful, for example. Her and her younger brother have just spent two nights alone with their grandparents. She was fine while I was gone, but has been really clingy and emotional since I came back. She lost sight of me for a couple of minutes (we were playing outside the house, and I was on the other side) and started crying, saying that she thought I had gone away. Then at bedtime, she was very upset, and wanted me to sleep next to her.

I know she's still very young, and that children develop at different rates, so am not sure if this is something that requires attention, or whether she will just grow out of it. I guess I am also not sure whether to avoid going away overnight, until she gets more self reliant, or whether she needs to learn that it's okay when I go away, because I always come back.

Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated!

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Vsantanaxx · 30/08/2017 07:49

I cant say if it is normal or not but I do remember being very clingy to my mum for a long time.

She used to work evenings and finish at 11pm and I would wait up until she got home and she was always called to pick me up at sleep overs etc.

She may just be going though a phase but keep an eye on her. I think mine was down to being quite an anxious child , I was always worried something would happen to my mum so id want to be with her at all times to make sure it didn't .. I got over it but I personally would have seeked help if i was the parent as I dont think its normal for a child so young to be anxious.

Hopefully just a little phase that passes :)

Areyoufree · 30/08/2017 20:52

Thanks for that - she is a very anxious child, too. I just don't see this intense need for me subsiding at all - her younger brother used to be very clingy, but is already starting to become more self-sufficient. It's hard to know when to give comfort and reassurance, and when to gently push her into coping without me (my gut instinct is the former, to be honest, but I get accused of pandering to her!).

She seems to find everything so hard, poor little mite. I just need to find the balance between giving her what she needs, whilst allowing her to slowly grow in confidence and independence. Simple, right?

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Annwithnoe · 30/08/2017 21:53

Reminds me a lot of my youngest, the one who supposedly doesn't have SN Confused. She has struggled with being away from me, and while she copes well enough with being in school or going to parties and play dates, she struggles massively with me leaving her. It has literally been years since DH and I spent a night alone Sad Her back to school worries centre on missing me, and how she'll cope if she is feeling lonely etc., and she's such a deep feeler!
She likes to be in the same room as me, and in my line of vision. She's happy enough to run off and play, but really doesn't like it if I'm in the bathroom with the door closed when she comes back. It can be exhausting! Over the last couple of years, I've been building up some boundaries gently for her.
I wonder how much it has to do with the intensity of our home. Both her older brothers have SN. But on the other hand she was breastfed, worn in a sling and co-slept so attachment should never have been an issue.

Areyoufree · 31/08/2017 16:12

My daughter apparently doesn't have SN too. I am not quite so sure, but trying to keep an open mind. It's funny you mention attachment though - I used to worry slightly about her not being securely attached, as when she was younger (around 12-18 months) she never cried when I left the room, which I seemed to remember is a sign of being securely attached (I have an entire a level in psychology, don't you know!).

Oh, and she's eldest, so had a very intense start! It's kind of intense now, though...

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Areyoufree · 31/08/2017 16:14

Ha! Unintense start is what I meant to type (and did. My wretched phone autocorrected it not once, but twice!)

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