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Extreme moods & explosive outbursts

6 replies

user1571563444 · 20/08/2017 15:09

I hope it's ok to post here. We are struggling with extreme moods from my DS aged 6 - often triggered by something small that doesn't go his way, like if he drops a bit of lolly on the ground and so can't finish it (while his sister doesn't drop hers and so gets it all, so he sees it as not fair). This can trigger a negative mood and downward spiral in behaviour - recently these have been getting more and more extreme and can last for hours. He hits his sister, me and his Dad, is rude verbally and resists attempts to help him. Laughs in our face, and says he doesn't care about any punishment. It's not like a tantrum - feels like he's decided to go into a bad mood and then can't get out of it. Rarely shows remorse. Often sounds like a rude adult when he speaks.

By way of background, he's been tricky since a baby. Latish developing social skills. Aged around 3 we had a multi-disciplinary assessment privately - ruled out ASD but assessed as pre-dyspraxic and somewhat hypermobile. Following that assessment he had physio and OT for about 18 months or so. Now doing v well at school in all areas (apart from sport where he's slow and uncoordinated), considered very bright and sociable and a lovely boy by his teachers.

I don't really know what to do with him - he's so utterly horrible when he's in these moods. He knows we can't control him and relishes his power. We've had behavioural difficulties in the past - seem to go in stages. I've read most books going, done an (excellent) parenting course. Just started reading The Explosive Child, hoping it will help.

Do you think I should take him to see a child psychologist/psychiatrist/therapist - I don't know what to do? He is capable of being charming and helpful. I think I'm just letting of steam here really, I feel so sad and desperate about it.

OP posts:
user1571563444 · 20/08/2017 15:10

Should add we've recently moved house which won't have helped matters but the moods pre-date the move.

OP posts:
user1571563444 · 20/08/2017 19:53

Bump

OP posts:
Marshmallow09er · 24/08/2017 18:28

Hello

Just catching up on threads after a holiday and didn't want to leave you unanswered.

What you have just described is very like my DS (ASD; PDA profile).

I liken it to a very delicate seesaw, keeping him in a 'just right' and calm state. When he's like that he's able to cope far better with things he perceives as unfair (having had returned from seaside holiday your ice lolly example feels very familiar) - so it's an intricate balance of ensuring he's well fed, not overstimulated, not bored (a big issue for DS as he defaults immediately to tormenting DD when he is). If we praise DD he can't cope at all as he feels like that means we are not proud of him; or if she can do something he can't (e.g. A handstand) he absolutely can't cope and will lash out at her.

The feeling of things being unfair is very tricky to manage; it's what I find the hardest.

The Explosive Child is excellent.
Even with a diagnosis I can't say I've ever found more useful advice on how to handle this kind of behaviour other than that.

However, it might be worth you pursuing another assessment for your DS if you have concerns. My DS presents the same at school as at home so in a way that made our life slightly easier for diagnosis / support (but not for DS as school remains a huge stress for him, despite being academically able)

user1571563444 · 29/08/2017 17:24

Thanks Marshmallow! I can definitely relate to keeping him 'just right' - and that also applies to my own management of him. If I get exasperated, he just feeds off it.

I am going to wait till he starts school later this week and see how the behaviour settles down. It's been a bit better over the last few days where we've focussed on making sure he's not overloaded with visitors etc.

Am still reading the Explosive Child - it sounds good although I haven't managed to put it into practice yet. I definitely think avoiding power struggles would be a good thing.

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Usernamealreadyexists · 30/08/2017 18:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

user1571563444 · 30/08/2017 20:16

Thanks Username! That's a good idea - also may distract as well!

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