What do you say?!?!

[eidsvold]

Last night got a call telling me that db and sil had had a new babe - Sienna Jade 8lb something...
brother comments to mother that the baby had a large head?!?! this babe is much bigger than last baby....

mother's instant response is :

'The baby doesn't have Down's syndrome, does she?!?!"

Brother's reply:

'I hope not!!"

Well now I know how my family feel about dd and the slight chance that no 2 due Nov could also have Down's syndrome....

I was too stunned to say anything then but later I felt like saying if that was the only worry then there really isn't a problem is there?!?!

Have no idea what to say to either of them except that perhaps they need to read up about Down's syndrome and sort themselves out before they have more contact with dd cause I don't want that kind of attitude around her - she will get enough from the rest of the world without getting it from her family!?!?!

Just made me feel very sad

i think it might just be the shock at the moment of haveing a new baby give them time to calm down a bit and then eplain to them that they do needto be very careful what there saying because a child got ears and a child got feelings and most definately a child is not stupid i know its upsetting the way they reacted but you cant expect to change the world at once you just need to work on them one at a time i would though have a word with your mother about it and voice your worries because it might be better her talking to them if possible hth i know its not nice somethings people say

sorry eidsvold you have had to have this type of opinion in front of your face off your own family. I'm afraid we have had the same off our family about both my sisters condition (cystic fibrosis) and my daughters development problems. I would say something to your mum though, that you were hurt. But as M2J says it may just have been a spur of the moment thing because his daughter had just been born and it was over-excitment and worry maybe at the same time?

Your daughter is gorgeous please dont take it to heart but please get it out in the open or the next comment will wind you up more

Families! The in-laws have been known to come out with crap like this. SIL in pregnant with her first and her dh has already informed me that "we used to think we wouldn't mind an A (insert ds1's name) but now we know we definitely don't want an A". Oh right off baby shopping are we? Good grief.

It hurts, it's horrible and I've heard it enough times now to know that next time I am definitely going to say something. Not sure what- but I think you should say something otherwise they'll think its oK to carry on saying this sort of crap to you. Perhaps just stick to something simple like "this is my dd you're talking about".

Sorry I realise that did not make sense - the mother who my db spoke to was- my mum - baby's and dd's grandmother...
tomorrow dd and I are going to visit mum and I thought I would just point out that it was insensitive and it was dd that she was talking about and that it was hurtful and it made me not feel excited and happy about being an aunt again...

m2j this is my db and sil's second babe so really they have been there, done that.... I am sure my sil would not feel that way - it was my db that said it not her.

thanks for the ideas though the the courage to say something - figure it can't keep happening - people should know better...

Eidsvold- i've just read this and wondered how you dealt with it. It is hard enough to hear these sorts of comments from complete strangers- but when it comes from your own!!
I still have members of close family referring to dd as a "Downs" and that is bad enough even with no harm meant.
You are so right, dd should not have that sort of attitude around her. I have started reading the DownsEd Issues & Information and it has been stressed so much in the first few modules that these are people /children who happen to have Down Syndrome and that any negativity towards them is so easily picked up on. It also goes on to say that these children with DS find it very difficult to communicate about their feelings which can often be shown in behavioural problems. It might be worth getting your "family" to read a book such as this with these points highlighted in a very bright colour!!!

I had the same thing, DS and DD1 both have Cerebral palsy but at the same time as my sister was 4 months pregnant, the doctors were questioning the dignosis. So my sister got it into her head that her child was going to have CP or something similiar. Then when the baby was born, her feet were twisted, BIL freaked and said "has she got CP??????" Midwife said "CP starts in the brain, not the feet"
Then when he phoned me he started on about her feet and how worried he was that she might have CP, even though my mum and Misdee had said not to say that to me. Like I needed that at 2am!!

I hate the expression "We don't care what we have, as long as its healthly" My kids aren't perfect but I wouldn't change them, but that expression makes me sick, as I always think that people will put them back.

I remember someone asking me what I want when pregnant with DD2, I just replied "I don't care, as long as it lives"

Ouch. Thoughtless, thoughtless, thoughtless . What is it about pregnancy and having babies that turns so many people so selfish and awful?? Agree with others that you really should say something, eidsvold, to your mother at least. Hope your relationship with your new niece won't be tainted forever..

told my sil what was said and she was horrified that brother and mother said it.... sil adores dd. SPent some time with them last week as they were visiting - brother looked after two 2y.o. girls whilst sil and I went shopping for a few hours... he was worried how he would cope with dd but realised that she was easier than his own to look after!! Pleased - he took to dd - first time he had seen her.... so a breakthrough there.... new niece is gorgeous - made me want no2 to be born sooner so I could have all those cuddles - but managed to get lots of cuddles with new babe... she is a month old and gorgeous...

thanks so much for all your replies - no doubt something we will have to deal with on a continual basis with lots of people....