Head ignoring everyone else's advice - Grrrrrrr!

[coppertop]

I wasn't going to bother posting this as September is still a fair way off - but it's still annoying me so here goes!

The Head of ds1's new school (where he'll be starting in September) has attended the last couple of meetings about ds1's pre-school IEP and his transition to school in September. I'm pleased to say that ds1 has really made the most amazing progress while at pre-school. His speech and language is really coming along well and the SALT has told us that his language will actually be better than a number of his classmates in Reception. He still has a number of sensory issues but is learning to work around them. He's even starting to like elements of messy play and will now put his hands out to break his fall when he trips over. He still has problems due to his autism eg needing the same routines, needing to know exactly what is going to happen next, very fixed ideas about the way things should be etc.

The whole of the Reception class will be starting off attending school for half-days only but by the 3rd week they will all be attending full-time - with the exception of ds1. I liked the idea that there would be no pressure on him to start full-time before he was ready and that he would be able to settle in at his own pace. The problem is that the Head has decided that ds1 should spend the whole year attending for half-days only as legally he doesn't have to be in education until September 2005 as he has only just turned 4.

The Early Years team have already told her that ds1 will have very few problems with being at school. The area SENCO for pre-schools has said that it would be better for him to go full-time as soon as he is ready so that he can get used to the school day. Otherwise ds1 will start to believe that school only happens in the mornings and it will be difficult to change the way he thinks. The SALT has also said that he has more than enough language and spontanaiety to be able to cope, and that he will be getting extra SALT at school.

So far the Head is sticking to her guns. I naively thought that this was out of concern for ds1's welfare. However it has since been pointed out that the school only receives limited funding for Reception children in general. In addition, as ds1 doesn't need a statement his extra support will come from the school's own budget. I'm at the thought that ds1 may end up missing out on his education just because of funding issues and can't help feeling that this is discrimination.

Incidentally ds1 has since spent 2 mornings at his new school. The first morning was spent with the current Reception class and the teacher told me that he had coped and behaved better than some of the children who had been there all year. He got on with the same work that the 5-year-olds were doing and did it well. For the second visit he spent the morning with the children who will be in his class in September. This time I went home and left him there and again he did really well. The teacher has said that in her opinion he will be absolutely fine at school.

The professionals working with ds1 have pushed for a meeting at the schhol towards the end of September and each have told me that I should stick to my guns about ds1 going full-time when he is ready and that they will back me up.

I can't believe that I'm already and ds1 hasn't even started school yet!

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Coppertop - just out of interest did you consider waiting another year before officially starting school? It's just that I have 3 friends whose children started school 'young'. All 3 of them said they wished they had waited the extra year before their children (all boys) started primary school. The cut off for Scotland is being 4 by the end of February and school starting in the August. All 3 friends had sons with birthdays in February. One of them went on to have 2 more children after an eight year gap and had another son with a February birthday. She was adamant that he would not start until he was over 5, even though she was told he was more than ready. She says she has seen a big difference in how he has adjusted compared to his brother. All 3 friends found that it was the level of immaturity their sons had as they progressed through school and especially being young entering secondary education. One friends son had particular issues behviourally but he was eventually diagnosed privately as dyslexic at the age of 11yrs! None of their children had apparent learning needs identified when starting school, but 2 out of 3 had real behaioural issues which their parents put down to their age really. I just always think that 4 yrs old is really young for any child to have to adjust to school life so I am genuinely interested on your thoughts about starting so young. Sorry for being nosey!

Mears - For a long while I seriously considered not sending ds1 to school until he was 5yrs old. He had very little language and very few social skills. Most of the time he was completely oblivious to the other children at his playgroup so didn't even have any friends that he would miss if he started later. Even at 3 years old I didn't think he would be ready for school at all and even considered Home Ed for a while.

As he got a little older the decision was made even more difficult as we realised that although he was way behind in some areas, eg language, fine-motor skills and social skills, he was also way ahead in other areas. Did we keep him at playgroup where he would be with younger children with similar social skills but where he might eventually get bored with activities aimed at a younger age group? Or did we send him to school where he would be ahead of his classmates academically but would stand out because he was the youngest and also still in nappies?

In the end we decided to go for the school option because we've realised that ds1 copes much better with a fixed routine and structure. His playgroup has a good routine and is well-structured but he is only there for 2.5 hours each day. We try to keep the rest of his day structured but it's not easy when we also have ds2 to consider. Basically we decided that the school would be able to provide him with the things that we couldn't. In addition ds1 has now got his own little group of friends who will be starting school at the same time. Not only is he used to them but they are also used to him and his ways and generally know when he is happy to play and when he really needs to be left alone.

It took us a long time to reach this decision and work out what would be best for ds1. If his personality had been different or if I felt that he wouldn't cope I would definitely have opted to keep him at playgroup for another year. I hope all that makes some sense!

Twiglett - When we have ds1's review/IEP meeting in September I'm hoping that she will listen to the opinion of ds1's teacher and let ds1 go full-time. If not I will be asking for "attending school full-time" to be added as one of ds1's IEP targets. This way the school has to say what they are going to do to help him achieve it. We've also been advised by our SALT (unofficially) to get the Head's opinion in writing if she is still refusing to allow ds1 to go full-time at the end of his first month there,

Dinosaur - That sounds like us too. We've been told by the people working with ds1 that the school had been seriously overestimating ds1's difficulties and that they basically panicked at the word "autistic". The teacher has now changed her mind after her 2 mornings with ds1 and I'm hoping that her opinion will make a difference.

Coppertop, I can't really add much to what other people have said apart from my sympathies, and maybe the idea that it would be good to try and get the Head to at least agree to review the situation at Christmas?

What I really wanted to add was this. You know how I've told you how many autistic-type traits my ds had when he was younger, that have now gone? Well, the difference in his personality after starting school was just so marked. It was clear that he really thrived on the stable routine. His nursery, like your ds's playgroup, did have routines, but not all the same children were there each day the way they are at school, and everyone arrived and left at different times. I think he just loved knowing exactly what was going to happen each day and it's not exaggerating to say that it just transformed him, really. I would place bets on being at school for the whole day being a real help to your ds and bringing him on. I know what mears means, ds was the youngest-but-one in his year because I chose not to keep him back, but I don't regret it and it sounds to me as though it may well be the right decision for your ds too.

Sorry to ramble!

Coppertop, have you considered contacting the disabilty rights commission - it seems to me that the head is discriminating against your son because of his disability. I know that they do not have to provide full time education until your son is five but if such education is being witheld from him because of his disability, surely it is unlawful discrimination?

You probably know this, but here is their website .

Go for the meeting at the end of September and push then. You'll be amazed how attitudes can change within weeks. I was dreading our last meeting becuase the previous one had been all about a "more suitable" placement for him and lots of "if he's going to be a xxxxxx school boy then..." and then at the meeting all that seemed to be forgotton and the school were full of ideas about things to start doing with him etc etc.

Thanks for your reply copperetop even though it is actually nonew of my business .

I think what my friends found that school was a disppointment because the longed for fulfilling of child's needs fell well short. 2 out of 3 of the children had real behavioural problems throughout their primary school years which they did not start off with. I have the same issue myself in that it has always seemed to me that children who are advanced in certain subjects are left to tread water until the others catch up. In the mean time, your child has been totally turned off. That ofcourse is my experience only and I should not let it cloud the issue of education in other areas. Hope it all goes well for you.

Coppertop- is it possible that the head either has no experience of ASD or hasn't met a huge number of kids with it and is assuming she knows how it works from her experience of one or two other children? I really, really, really think that many people fail to comprehend the fact that every child with ASD is different. She may have the very best of intentions but need to learn more about YOUR unique little boy. I truly hope that cynical financial calculations are not playing a part in this equation and really think it's more likely to be based on a stereotype of what a child with autism needs. Totally understand why you're fuming but I reckon one course of action is just to let ds breenge on in there and disabuse them of their stereotypes and then gently but firmly inquire about his full time place.

There is another boy at the school who has AS, although he wasn't diagnosed until he was about 8 years old. I've also been told that there are a couple of other children who are believed to be on the spectrum but who haven't yet been given an official dx. AFAIK ds1 is the youngest child with autism that the school has seen, as the other children transferred to this school after having problems elsewhere. I'm hoping that you're right and that he will surprise the Head as much as he surprised the teacher. Knowing that everyone else involved in ds1's case agrees with me will certainly make it easier to stand up to her if she does decide to keep him on half-days after he is ready to cope with full days. I can't help thinking that she is also making the most of the fact that ds1 can already do a lot of the stuff that the class will be expected to know by July 2005. She has already hinted that it won't matter if he's not at school full-time as he is already ahead.

Ds1 sounds similar to your ds, tamum. When he's got a fixed routine to his day and knows what's meant to happen next he is a different boy. Fingers crossed that the Head will realise this too.