Family get together

[elliejjtiny]

Big extended family get together today, about 50 people, barbeque, Pimms, kids running around, big garden with pool etc. I worried about going but didn't want to be anti social and older DC really wanted to go. My youngest is 3 and has probable ASD but no diagnosis yet. So dh is watching older ones in the pool while I follow youngest and stop him as he tries to climb in the fish pond, lock himself in the toilet, open the garden gate and investigate the barbeque. Meanwhile mums of 2 year olds sit and drink Pimms and chat while their toddlers play nicely and sensibly together.

I ended up grabbing dh as youngest ran past him and had a quick conversation about leaving. And we did, having been there for less than an hour and with the older DC whinging and me wishing we'd not bothered to come. Will this get easier as he gets older? I don't think dh had a much easier job tbh although at least he got to eat something which is more than I did.

Wibu to never go to anything like this again and just stick to sn events where the calm sensible toddlers are in the minority and most parents are like me and trying to cope with an impulsive ninja. I sometimes forget that his behaviour isn't the same as other children his age until we go to things like this and see children much younger doing things that my little boy can't.

Apologies for the rant, don't really need replies, just needed to vent my frustrations and be around people who understand.

Hope you feel better today

Hi I really understand where you are coming from. My older DC (6) has high functioning autism and we get invited to lots of big events. I usually try to go but need to have long talks with him about being nice to children etc before hand. But I defo get you about having to keep an eye on him, I always worry he may get overwhelmed, hit another child, say something inappropriate etc..

Tbh I'm not sure if this will get better or worse with time, I do however decline invites at times when I feel he is generally overwhelmed in life as what's the point in putting him through extra stress plus stressing myself out and all of us having an unenjoyable outing!

Would he have any interest in watching a cartoon or playing a game on an ipad at these events? We got our children some nintendo DSs which we give to them when we want a break. We bring them out to do some exercise first and then give them the screens so we all have a chance to relax.

And not all NT 2 and 3 year olds play nicely together. I always had to keep a close eye on my NT son as he was a bit wild. My friend has two NT boys aged 4 and 6 and they are always into everything - she couldn't sit back and relax if she was at a gathering like the one you were at. Sometimes you feel worse if you're around a group of very well behaved children. It makes your child seem very different.

My son with ASD is 7 now and becoming much more managable. I am currently in a soft play - I no longer need to follow him around constantly watching his behaviour. I just talk to him several times about how he must behave and he rarely steps out of line.

I totally get you. Last year, it was my great uncles 80th birthday party type thing at this house. I was invited, but I said that I probably won't make it as OH was working that day and not sure I could manage my two on my own (5 and 1 at the time). My DS has autism.

Sooo, my mother tries to encourage me to come but stating that she will help with the children. It is needed, my great uncles garden looks over a valley - there's a small fence but that wouldn't stop DS who has Autism.

Anywhere, we get there my Mum was already on the wine and didn't help with the children at all. My DS was in and out of the house playing with the washing machine, the sliding doors and the hoover etc - he likes these things. He also kept running around to their front drive which is on a busy ish road. He also kept slamming opening and shutting their summer house doors - it was glass doors and nearly ripping into the valley. All while my DD wouldn't let me put her down. It was an extremely hot muggy day which didn't help.

All while the other guests, their children etc sat around and relaxed drinking wine and eating. I didn't have a single sip of drink or bite of food as I didn't have the time...

It's not easy is it 😭

Thank you. Sometimes I just need to chat to other people who get it. I'm not sure if he would play with an iPad, he's not really interested in TV but he loves music. He mostly likes things that have buttons and dials like washing machines and hoovers.