Selective Mutism and school

[sunflowervalley]

Just needed to vent really.

My little boy is in year 1 at school and has selective mutism.
He does'nt talk at all in school,only when I go in and do sliding in sessions with him will he say a few words but only when a select few adults are around and certainly not in front of his classmates.

I just find the whole school attitude towards it is he is no trouble and gets on with his work and that's that.

We are in the process of getting a statement for DS so will wait and se what happens.

But the teachers and headmistress still have no grasp on what selective mutism is despite numerous leaflets etc they have been given.
They still say unapproriate things in front of DS and obviously have'nt read up on it at all.

On the rare occasion DS has spoken in front of his teacher there is no response from her.
I don't except her to jump and down but i don't think she realises what a big step for DS it is when he does talk.

i know I am his mum so I am emotionally invovled but surely you would think the school would make time to at least know the basics of selective mutism when it is so impotrtant to DS that they get it right.

I feel I am banging my head againest a brick wall .

I know that teachers are busy and they have other children to look after but I worry for DS whilst in school that they are looking out for him.
The other children are always asking me "why does'nt ** talk in class?" or
"Can ** talk?"

I wondered whether it would be a good idea for the teacher whilst DS is'nt in the room to explain to the other children that he can talk and does so non stop at home ,but he finds it difficult at the moment to talk in class.

Maybe someone on here has some experience with SM and could give me some advice,thanks.

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I don't have any direct experience, although DS1's best friend at school is selectively mute. But I just didn't want your posts to go unanswered. I'm sure there have been other posts on here about selective mutism, so don't be embarrassed to keep bumping!

BTW, does your DS have a friend in his class who could be his advocate, encourage him to speak, explain to other children that he can speak at home etc etc? This is the role that my DS1 has played in relation to his little friend, and it seems to have been appreciated by the teachers and by the other little boy's mum.

Thanks Dinosaur for your reply.

He has a litle boy he knows well who lives nearby but DS also has a speech delay and when this little boy has heard him talk he mimics him in a babyish voice,so obviously not the right choice.

He does have playdates outside school but stil does'nt talk too much as I know he is aware of his delayed speech and fears not getting it right,he is quite a perfectionist.

It is very difficult for him and is heartbreaking,when I leave in the mornings at school he just shuts down and won't even talk to me to say goodbye.

Selective Mutism is rare and normally children with SM don't have a speech delay as well so DS has the added pressure of both to deal with.
One compounding the other.

From what I have researched there seems far more awareness of SM in the USA and Canada.
I have problems getting hold of books on the subject and even DS's GP has no idea.

I think the children in his class do answer for him as I witnessed at a party he went to and they just replied"that's ***,he does'nt talk"

Therefore re inforcing to DS it's ok not to talk.

I don't know what to do for the best?

Oh, your poor DS .

Wish I could say something useful, but I just don't know enough about it myself to be really any help (two of my DSs have autistic-spectrum-type special needs, but that's not much help!).

You say you are getting a statement for DS - is there a SALT working with him at the moment? If so, can't she devise some strategies for school to use?

I agree with you, it is unacceptable for the teachers just to duck the issue and not even try to educate themselves about selectve mutism.

There are a couple of speech therapists on here - Moondog is one - so do keep bumping.

Thanks Dinosaur,appreiciate it

DS was seeing a SALT but was unsuceesful as he did'nt talk in the sessions.
she did a home visit once and he was talking to her then in his own surroundings so she could evaluate his speech a bit from that.

But resources don't allow her to do home visits so she has put the speech therapy on hold until his SM is progressing,which could take awhile.
There is a SALT that goes into DS's school but she has chosen not to put DS into those sessions.

You say two of your DS's are on the autisic - spectrum-type special needs.
At what age where they diagnosed,if you don't mind me asking?

When DS was 2 a friend of MIL's meeting him for the first time asked if DS was autistic.
At the time we said no and I never forgot that.
Maybe he saw something having 4 children of his own and working with children with special needs in South Africa that we did'nt.

DS was our first child at that time and looking back at old videos of him his speech does seem delayed,but we had nothing to compare it with.

DS1 was dx'd at 3.5.

DS3 has a preliminary dx of social communication disorder, and is currently being assessed, but I will be very highly surprised indeed if we don't get an autistic spectrum disorder DX. He's 2.8.

They both developed quite differently to each other but one thing both had in common was speech delay. But they both had lots of other behavioural traits that were quite apparent, too.

It is such a shame that the SALT wasn't able to do some more home visits with your DS.

Just looked online for stuff on selective mutism and there seems to be some good material available. Is there a SENCo at theh school wwhom you can enlist to help you?

Have no experience with SM but just wanted to say that I feel your frustrations with teachers at school. It is difficult when you are emotionally envolved. It sounds a good idea to educate the other kids to maybe be a bit sensitive when your DS is around. The trouble is by doing that is that it might 'single him out' where some of the other more 'outspoken' kids are concerned ifkwim. My son is 5 and is 2 days at ms and 3 at sn. He has cp and cannot talk. He has a little computer to talk with. I have had many issues with my sons time at ms. I have given them loads of leaflets and information about his type of cp, but lets face it, it is probably only read once and put to one side because they have so many other kids to worry about. Even if the other kids do understand about him not talking, kids will be kids and they are never very subtle!!. Only last week I was walking down the school drive with DS1 who was standing on the buggyboard. His 'best friend' () was behind him and I heard him say to his mum "Joseph is a baby because he still wears nappies". I don't even think he meant it nastily, but it just goes to show that the kids don't understand do they?
If I were you I would constantly stress to the teachers (even if it did get on their wick!) that if DS does say ANYTHING to praise him like mad. You never know, even some of the other kids might pick up on this and do the same
I am sure that if/when your ds gets a statement his needs will be understood better and taken more seriously. It sounds like some 1:1 would be a good idea for him. Someone to shadow him and encourage him all though the lesson and more importantly, when he does speak, he would get the praise he deserves EVERY time!!

Hi sunflowervalley,
We had a meeting for my dd who is almost 7 (in year 2 now at school). They think that she has selective mutism at school, but so far aren't doing a lot about it. They had sent a letter to the speech therapist in the hopes of getting a diagnosis (?) for sure, but she's off sick, so I don't know if it will happen this year.

We've known that she was quiet since she entered the playgroup at age 3, but had no idea she was this quiet! Her year 1 teacher said she was very shy, but now in year 2 we've been told that she only speaks to about 3 adults and 2 children, but when she does it's in an extremely slow and quiet voice... and it takes a lot for her to even speak in the first place. She only does speak if asked a direct question and never initiates on her own.

Anyway, onto the help bit. She's been put into a small group within her class which gets extra attention from a special worker. They do games together and writing stories and things like that. It's supposed to get them to become really excited about something, like winning a game, so that they then say something. I'm not sure it's actually working though as she's still not speaking and she's now stopped talking to the grown up at the after school club who she would talk to.

I think her teachers and the head are very supportive though and are trying to do the right thing even if they're not sure what that is yet! Is there any way of talking to the school's education psychologist (? we're in Scotland so maybe a different system) to see what they think of it all. When we had the meeting it was the head, 2 psychologists, a nurse and someone else who I can't remember the title of. They had all the notes on my dd and provided most of the info.

Surely your ds's teacher could be making more of an effort though? I agree with you that she should show more excitement when your ds gets up the courage to actually speak to her.

Sorry if this isn't really of any use, but it's just our story that we've going through at the moment and is very new to us.

Hi Sunflower.
I'm a salt and even though this isn't my field i am really surprised at how little salt support you have had.
Did the salt actually talk to the staff?

I'd start kicking up a bit of a fuss tbh.
I'll do yuo a link to two good organisations who deal with comm. problems in children...

ICAN

AFASIC

dd (now 5) has selective mutism, but is really improving. Cooking supper right now, but I'll come back later andread the thread properly and tell you about our situation

Thanks everyone for your replies

Will come back to the thread later and read through properly once I've got my two settled.

Thanks everyone so much for your replies and links.

The SENCO at DS' school did'nt get involved at all until she came to the meeting to discuss the statement.
I don't even know if they have the SM resource manual in school,need to find out.

The SALT feels we need to concentrate on the SM at the moment so there is no speech therpy sessions at all for DS at the moment.
So it is down to me with the sliding in sessions to move DS forward.

They have'nt even orgainised a special room for us in school to do the sessions and often I get there and DS's teacher has forgotton it's our sliding in day and we have to go and find somewhere ourselves which is out in the open and not what is recommended in the SM manual.

The SALT DS was seeing did'nt come to the meeting about the statement,another SALT who had'nt seen DS for two years was there and stratergies for thr teachers was not discussed.

I have been in touch with SMIRA and found them really helpful.
They helped me a lot in regards to DS who is having trouble toilet training and informed me their can be a link with SM and toileting anxiety.
I always thought their was more to it than DS just being awkward he is frightened of the toilet and gets very anxious when we discuss it.
The GP and childrens services though disputed this and said it was advice from a website and people who have never seen DS.
That is true,but Maggie Johnson wrte the SM resource manuel and is highly knowledgeable on the subject.

I will check first thing after the easter holidays that the school have the SM manual and if not if they could get hold of a copy.

thanks again everyone