ASD?

[Skinnydecafflatte]

I'm hoping you can help? I'm a childminder and look after a child who I'm a little bit worried about. I'm not sure if he is showing traits of ASD and I don't want to mention to his mum/nan yet (main carers) in case I'm barking up the wrong tree hence asking for help on an anonymous forum.

He's 2.8 months old and if I list some of the things that concern me perhaps you can tell me if I have grounds for concern? I look after another boy who is 6 weeks older so I see marked differences.

• He can count and say colours and learnt these early. He could look through a book and tell me the numbers correctly at about 2.2 months. He can name animals, fruit, other groups of things but doesn't respond yes or no to questions. Doesn't speak in sentences, even short ones but will repeat phrases such as 'oh no', 'what happened? Otherwise babbles at a great rate of knots which is not at all understandable.

• doesn't seem to understand danger, will just bolt if given the chance, I can't trust him to walk by the buggy. He would run and run, without a backward glance. Hates having to hold hands most of the time i.e. In a car park, will have a meltdown and fall to the ground and won't stand.

• will play very contently by himself mainly with cars or a set of vehicles (associated with a tv programme). Can play like this for ages. Doesn't want to take part in games.

• if doing a craft he doesn't seem to understand instructions, just freestyles.

• gets very frustrated if he doesn't get his way and will scream and 'meltdown' i.e. Another child takes a car he was playing with at playgroup. He's very territorial over certain toys at playgroup, usually spends most of it sitting on a ride-on car and then plays with other toys whilst sitting in that. A child tried to play at the toy kitchen he was playing at and he got frustrated and just started ramming him with the ride-on.
• when I tell him off such as doing something dangerous/violent I feel like he doesn't get it? I explain what he did wrong but feel like he doesn't understand at all what is going on at all or thatbhe has done anything wrong. I managed to stop him jumping on the sofas all the time by repeatedly saying no and removing him but other 'bad' behaviour isn't as easy to crack.

Also doesn't seem to understand consequences i.e. I don't give 'pudding' unless they've eaten their main course (or a reasonable amount). As soon as he sees a yoghurt or hears the word, he won't eat any more of, say sandwich or dinner. Doesn't understand that if he eats his main then he will get it. Just screams for the pudding from that point onwards.

• he's not very affectionate, other children I look after will happily sit on my knee, come for cuddles and sit and read a book, play a game.

He will take me by the hand and lead me to an activity if he needs help, otherwise there's not a lot of interaction. Will run to his mum when she arrive seemingly excited but then will run away again almost straight away.

• at Playgroup's it's taken a very long time to get him to sit down whilst singing time is happening. All the other children would sit but he would want to run in circles (which then encourages the others to join him). If I collected him and sat him with me in my lap he would just scream and cry. Took over a term to make him sit down and take part.

• isn't very independent i.e. doesn't aim to do much for himself such as take coat off, shoes off. Other child i have is much more of a 'me do' child, wants to buckle himself in pushchair, wants to walk rather than be in the buggy.

On the other side though he naps really well the majority of the time, as soon as I say nap time he practically runs up the stairs. He's a happy boy if he gets his own way, laughs a lot, enjoys it when my children are around (7 & 4). He doesn't seem to bothered by routine/structure (although that is the only way he seems to learn things, i.e. has learnt as soon as he comes indoors he needs to take his shoes off).

I did discuss this with a fellow minder but my other concern is, is he just 'over indulged?' He lives with his mum, his aunt and his Grandma. They all adore him but I wonder if they discipline him when needed? When I told his mum he was pushing a child a playgroup she was just 'oh dear', there's no sense of her thinking he shouldn't have done it. I would have been a bit embarrassed in her shoes. She seems to try and placate him if he gets upset diffuse his temper rather than dealing with the problem.

I feel awful for saying this but as it's not my child, I can't ask for a professional opinion and I also don't want to say anything if I'm wrong.

Thanks for advance for any help/advice

Obviously none of us know him, and no-one can say if he is, or isn't, but your combination of concerns do point to you being right to raise it. I think the language issue itself could be a good starting point. Explain what you mean to his Mum / Grandma, and go from there.

Do you have any kind of a developmental profile you could share with them, to back up what you are saying ?
If not, look on the iCan website or Talkingpoints website, as they have a good Sp&L development one you can download.

I personally think that, as you are a Mum of 2, if something doesn't feel quite right to you, then you should mention your concerns!

Better to mention concerns (subtley/gently) and proffesionals disagree, then to not mention anything and later down the line the parent question why not!

• ( I responded as some of the things you wrote remind me of some the concerns I had when my Son was of a similar age. He is now 4.5 with a diagnosis of Autism.)

Xx

He sounds slightly similar to my son who was diagnosed with ASD at age 7.

You sound very nice for being concerned and wanting to help. Lots of people clearly had thoughts about our DS but then said very little. I think our childminder thought there were issues but she never said and when I told her about his diagnosis recently she brushed it off with "oh all kids are a bit different"!

If I were you I'd focus on his language development and say to his parents that his speech is slightly unusual for his age. Suggest they ask their GP for a hearing check for glue ear and to call the local Speech & Language service for advice too - sometimes you can get a drop in session at a Children's Centre. I'd stress that glue ear/language issues are very common and worth checking early.

Once into the SALT service they will hopefully look at his social communication as well as speech issues. If they're lucky he will have glue ear which will clear and his social and emotional development will come on.

If I had a £1 for all the times I was advised to use traditional discipline.... (which makes things much worse btw)..... in a way it's understandable as poor parenting can manifest in a child in a similar way to symptoms of ASD. However if he were neurotypical he should be able to respond to your "regular" parenting techniques. Unfortunately regular parenting and traditional discipline doesn't work on an ASD child - as you've experienced yourself. Your friend hasn't, so will not understand which is why she's said he over indulged.

If you can, put aside your annoyance at anything that appears rude or inconsiderate. instead of telling him off be as calm as you can and explain what he's doing is not OK but tell him what you want him to do. Eg keep the water in the cup; only put your bottom on the sofa - feet on the floor etc. Keep instructions clear and brief. Expect their to be trouble at playgroup when other kids get close so don't let it happen - get in early and mediate/teach expected behaviour (and expect to have to repeat). Planning and prevention of problems is essential for kids who might have neurodevelopmental delay. Designating a safe space in your setting might help too. A snug area he can retreat to for peace if he feels overwhelmed with a nice blanket and teddy or something. It can be handy for avoiding or recovering from meltdowns.

Good luck