Can't do this anymore

[wevecomeonholidaybymistake]

I'm sitting here in tears after being attacked by DS yet again.
My crime? I turned the PlayStation off after repeated count downs and warnings.
The house is trashed, I'm bleeding from him digging his nails up my arms, I'm bruised and feel a total and utter failure.
What am I meant to do? He accepts no consequences to his actions, nothing is ever his fault.

I can't do it anymore. I'm shit.

No idea what to do- you ok though? It's a nightmare :(

He's still ranting away. Least he's finished battering me for now.
DH away so I'm dealing with it on my own, usually we can share the lickings.

Kickings.

How old is your son?

He's 10.

That's very hard as he will be big and strong enough to really hurt you. Have you had any help?

I find with my son that trying to get to him to understand his actions is pointless. I try to prevent rather than cure when it comes to physical behaviour. I have to decide what is my absolute limit (for example, when does the iPad HAVE to go away, in our case, it's as my son needs to go to sleep as he understands that even he can't play in his sleep).

I think your first priority here is keeping yourself safe. You are not failing, you are in an almost impossible position. Sorry I haven't been very helpful. I get hit, sworn at and spat at and it is as depressing as hell.

I've had no help. I'm so scared that one day he's going to really hurt me.

Thanks for listening, it's a lonely road at times.

It is sadly. I got a referral to Palms for my son (the Camhs version for children with SN). I'll be honest in that I found the woman who came to work with my son as much use as a chocolate teapot (think asking a seven year old who can't read to choose which word best describes how he feels, I told her four times he cant read or write!!!), but I have heard others say good things.

Similarly, there are some courses out there about managing aggressive behaviour which I definitely did find useful.

I think you need to talk your situation through so that you can have the time and space to explore what might help your son. Palms could definitely help with that.

That sounds really tough. Have a look into NVR - Non Violent Resistance training for you. It isn't a magic wand but it should help you improve the relationship with your son and reduce problems. Take care and good luck

This woman offers courses or coaching: here

If you haven't read it already, please read Ross Greene's 'The Explosive Child' and have a look at his website 'Lives in the Balance'. Whereas NVR sees the violence as a form of control and has a very attachment theory based focus (which could be counterproductive for an autistic child), the Ross Greene stuff is very much about cooperation, collaboration and skills development. NVR appears to address what you see, where's RG addresses underlying lagging skills.

It's clear countdowns and warnings don't work and just increase your ds's anxiety (I would put money on the anger being an expression of anxiety), so you need to find a way to reach a compromise with him. Have you ever looked at PDA style techniques? The PDA Society and The PDA Resource websites have good stuff. It's all about reducing non-essential 'demands' so your child has spare capacity to cope with essential demands.

I would also think about how you frame demands. Instead of the negative 'no more PlayStation' try a positive goal like 'when you've finished we can do this other very interesting thing you like doing'. Or ask him to show you how to play!

Read The explosive child. He was calm then bang!
I can try something and it works one day and not the next.
It's all very well saying ask him to show you how to play, but sometimes it needs turning off! He has a sibling and life cannot revolve around him constantly.
He's seen Cahms about his anxieties but they don't know what to do with him now.

I think some safe handling training would really help.

I just needed someone to listen to me moan last night. I can't discuss it with friends, they have no idea.

Thanks for linking to the Lives in the Balance site. Very interesting polter