will I ever sympathise with others with NT Children?

[anniebear]

Or will I be like this forever

I go on a lovely small forum (to do with me seliing childrens books) But I often can't comment on some of the ' un book' threads

Lack of sleep is a huge one obviously that other people talk about. But I feel the urge to shout at them "you havent got a clue"

They are not doing anything wrong, sleep is a huge issue for us all, we all want lots of it lol

But they are tired because their baby or young child with no additional problems isnt sleeping well . Im exuasted beyond belief because my DD is 6 this year and still doesn't sleep well, plus all the added stress of daily life with her

People saying how hard it is potty training their 2 year old etc etc

I often type something then have to delete it as I will make others feel bad!

So is this it? Will I only be able to ever show really sympathy to people who have it much worse than myself?

Please tell me I am not on my own being like this!?

oh annie it's hard,, isn't it? I also find it v. difficult to have much sympathy with sleep issues - dd2 will be 6 on Saturday and still gets up all throughout the night, every night. It bloody rules my life.
The things is though that there is always someone worse off; my best friend's little boy does not just have DS, but autism, profound hearing loss and West syndrome (v. nasty type of epilepsy) too - it kind of puts it all into perspective IYKWIM and she has much sympathy for me and my (pathetically small in comparison) problems, so I try my best to extend this charitable attitude to others (not always successfully I must add ).

Hi Anniebear - I have felt a lot like this in the past. I yearned for the smug stupidity of not knowing what having a child with SN means and felt little tolerance towards others' perceived problems. It has got better with time as I got to know more about DS's future, I feel at peace with my life. We also have a little girl now with no SN. I sometimes think maybe I don't do enough with her (baby classes etc) just because I think in the great scheme of things this doesn't matter, what matters is your child is healthy. I don't think I've hardened myself towards others, I think I feel sympathy for situations that genuinely need it. But many times yes, I feel like saying, "oh, just get on with it".

Its so hard as I dont want people to tip toe around me! and never mention certain things in case they upset me etc

But then some days I dont want to hear that for example, one friend" she wakes at 6 every morning, Im so tired I feel like going to the Dr"

Her only child was 5 at the time!!!!!!!!!

It's the change of perspective. Like geekgrrl I have contact (through ds1) to some very very severely disabled children so I kind of end up feeling things aren't so bad,. Mind you I can never moan when ds2 and ds3 are driving me mad (ds2 by endlessly talking and ds3 by always wanting to be doing exactly what I'm doing and wanting me to play with him) because as soon as I do my Mum says "well you'd be moaning if he wasn't so stop complaining"

yes!!!lol, of course. I moan about Grace! I know everyone is going to find things hard and I am actually a good listener (really lol)

But it just gets hard sometimes, .....its sometimes at the mo!!!

oh I know exactly what you mean. It's one reason why I never went to Mother and toddler groups with ds2 and ds3. Fixed grin hurt my face. As you say you can't say anything about your life as that makes people feel bad, but then because you don't say anything you feel fake (or at least I do).

Gess - do you feel sorry (for want of a better word) for your DS2 and 3 for not doing things with them because you think they are irrelevant or that you might not like them for yourself? I used to do far more outside stuff with my DS, I think I wanted to prove to myself that things are really OK. Now with DD I just think many of the organised activities are just a waste of time and money. Do you think it's more of a second-child thing rather than SN non-SN?

Annie

I know exactly how you feel. My DS is a year old and I find people are just so insensitive. One friend recently was moaning on about her child (a month younger)was late to crawl while my DS isn't even sitting up yet and is so far behind. I've come to the conclusion that a lot of people are just so wrapped up in their own lives they don't even imagine for a minute what it must be like for us, and with life being a constant stream of hospital appts. Its really hard, but I'm told you get hardened to it eventually, although I can't imagine it at the moment!

I think some of it is 1st vs 2nd child. After ds3 was born I did host a coffee morning for bumps and babies, found it intolerable and cancelled my next one , but I think a lot of that was 1st vs 2nd. I did do some stuff with them as well- but made sure it was organised activities iyswim.

I also started both of them at nursery quite young (by 2) because I wanted them to get "normal' peer interactions. DS1 wasn't a good role model. They've both enjoyed that though luckily!

I think I am less tolerant of moaners now.
I count myself very lucky to have my 2 ds's (nt &sn) at my ds2s birthday party there were children & parents from sn playgoup & ms playschool... one of the nt mums sat moaning about the lack of clubs available for 3 & 4 year olds as we are in a rural area & how she was so worried that her ds wasn't being stimulated enough...she really wasn't sleeping at all with all the worry, poor thing!
The sn mums were too busy sharing a bottle of wine & relaxing for a couple of precious hours to even acknowledge her pointless moans.

Gess - thanks for your reply.

Mymatemax - I think the importance of clubs and "stimulation" for very young ones (non-SN) are vastly over-appreciated, especially by first-time parents.

I can totally relate to you annie bear. Sometimes Id give anything to know what it like to have lived the past 17 months with a 'normal' child, without the hospital appointments, the worry ,stress, the list goes on. I sometimes find myself envoius of my friend with a son 4 months younger than mine.

It did get to me when people moan about their kids, at first, but not so much now...! Its still hard but i can somehow npot let myself get bothered by it so much...?! I suppose thiking about it maybe Im finding all esier now that I know my ds is making strides?!

Im sure weve all felt it though as one time or another