Difficulties keeping Live-in help with autistic child

[Vick10]

I have a son who is on the autistic spectrum (high functioning). He is now 18 and still very difficult from time to time. I am a single mum. Over the years I have really struggled with his behaviour which has almost driven me to breaking point on many occasions. I have 2 other children and my 10 year old is showing behavioural signs that are very similar to his older brother so I have fears that life is going to get particularly tough again!

As I work full-time I have had a series of live-in au pairs. It has been a nightmare! Anyone who has lived with us has left in disgust at my son's behaviour. Unfortunately My son hasn't coped at all well with having anyone live in the house. Does anyone know if this is a common trait of autistic children?

The reason I ask is that I find that the help and support of someone living with us is invaluable e.g. to take the other children away from the situation when my autistic son is having a meltdown. I now have a friend living in a log cabin in my garden (classed as ancilliary accomodation) who is helping me with the childcare. This seems to work much better for us as she is not in my autistic son's 'territory' (i.e. The house) and so far he has coped well with her being here. Unfortunately the neighbour's are complaining about me using the log cabin for a non-family member so I'm wondering if there is anyone who might be able to help me explain why this is a really helpful arrangement when autistic children are involved.

Any thoughts, insight, experiences or specialist input would be so appreciated. Thank you

I think you simply have to tell them she is your sons carer and that this is her accommodation. Then try and ignore them as quite frankly you have enough to cope with without giving a shit about them.

Thank you for your support. I wish it were that simple - they've already reported me to the Council I believe! It sounds as though you know what it's like looking after autistic children. My son is very territorial and needs his space. I don't know if that's usual for autistic people. Do You?

Lots of sympathy but I don't think the reasons why she is living there are relevant TBH. I also can't see why it matters whether she is related. What exactly are their objections? Are they simply concerned for her welfare?

Given they are reporting you to the council I wonder if they just want to know that her accommodation is suitable - insulated, warm, watertight, running water, loo etc. Presumably if it were a noise issue or council tax they'd have raised that specifically.

The reasons have nothing to do with anything - she could be a struggling artist or your personal loo seat warmer. Either the accommodation is habitable or it isn't, and if it is, then surely it is reasonable for someone to live there. I would guess the council do have a responsibility to ensure that housing reaches certain standards and people aren't living in garages and sheds, autism or not, but as long as the cabin is suitably habitable and council tax info is up to date then them reporting you shouldn't raise any problems.