If your DC has HF ASD...

[IWillOnlyEatBeans]

...what are their social relationships are like with their peers?

We are waiting for an assessment for DS1 (7). It's in November this year. He is a bright boy, very rule-bound, very well behaved.

Our main concern is that he doesn't seem to have any need/desire for social interactions with his peers. He seems happy enough to be near other children, sort of running around on the very fringes of a group, but not really interacting. The other kids often don't realise he's even there! He will then describe this as 'having a lovely time playing with x and y'.

He does sometimes join in more explicitly, especially with girls as they seem to notice him and assign him a 'role' in their games a bit more (mainly the dad or the pet!) However, he has quite strict rules about when he will and won't join in when asked (not during morning play - the longest one - but he will after the first lunchtime bell when there is only 5 mins left outside). He readily admits that he prefers playing by himself - the other kids aren't excluding him.

His teacher admits that he has 'tendencies' (their exact words), but as he is academically able and well behaved, they don't have much inclination to provide additional help/support for his social difficulties.

So does any of this sound familiar? If your DC has ASD, what are their friendships like? I am sort of trying to second guess whether he may get a diagnosis from the assessment or whether he's just introverted and likes his alone time!

Thanks in advance

My autistic ds didn't really have any real interest in having friends until the end of Y7, it's now 2 years later and he's been in a pretty stable group of friends since then.

If he's happy playing by himself or skirting the fringes of activity I wouldn't worry. Autistic people can be introverts and extroverts.

Sounds very similar to my DS wpuld has HFA. He loves the idea of having friends. He honestly believes he has lots of friends but those children would not name my DS amongst their friends. The children in DS's school all like him but he often plays nearby them rather than with them so they don't really notice him. He interects well if the game is of interest to him or if the children are very outgoing and a bit hyper.

Thanks both.

Polter that's really reassuring to hear, I'm glad your DS has a solid friendship group now.

Imaginosity how old is your DS? He does sound very similar to mine. If you don't mind me asking, what are your DS's other ASD symptoms?

My DS was totally uninterested in other children until about age 5. He then decided he was interested in a select few. He climbed over other children (to the horror of onlooking adults) to get to his preferred friends. He now has a wider circle of friends but he tends to verbally perseverate "at" them. He talks at them about his subjects of interest. If they get really fed up with him and walk off he will compromise for his preferred friends and do some of their game playing but he misses all of the early signs of them being discontented. They are in Y3 so we worry a lot about his peers starting to get fed up with him. In some ways I wish he wasn't interested in the other kids as those ASD children are meant to be happier long term....

"In some ways I wish he wasn't interested in the other kids as those ASD children are meant to be happier long term"

Hmm, not sure that's true!

Being socially motivated can have its advantages as you potentially have more scope to help him learn ways to interpret and engage in the social world around him. A big risk is wanting to interact with the ordinary kids can lead to autistic kids masking and imitating ordinary kids which can be problematic long term, it's exhausting trying to be something you're not, and needs to kept an eye on.

zzzzz but that's the thing! I have no idea if I am describing an introverted child, or one who is one the autistic spectrum. That's why I was asking for others' experiences.

I don't necessarily want him to be more extrovert and social. I want to ensure that of there is an underlying issue, we get support for him if he needs it. He is a very happy child - but he's 7 and his peers are a lovely bunch who allow him to dip in and out as he prefers without any hassle. Will this be the same when he's 11? 14?

And apologies if my terminology is incorrect. I thought aspergers was no longer a diagnosis, and that it now fell under the ASD umbrella? My sister (who is tactless but has a lot of experience of children with SEN) describes him as a 'classic aspie'.

Aspergers is IQ over 70 too (ie no intellectual disability), it's never been over 100 that I'm aware of.

It's becoming more common to get diagnosed with ASD/ASC in the UK in anticipation of the ICD following the DSM5.

Yeah, I think the language generally used is 'no clinically significant delay in cognitive/language function'. IQ of 70 plus is generally used to mean no intellectual/cognitive disability. It's mostly guess work though.

My 11 year old DS has aspergers syndrome. He doesn't really have friends as such although he has started to be more friendly with one of the girls in his class recently. I think she makes a lot more effort with the friendship though.