Holding back a year (not sure it's even possible!) Thoughts?

[lougle]

DD2 is mid-August born, slightly premature, should have been a mid-September born. We've been waiting for CAMHS since December, and finally have our first 'choices' appointment in late July. She is in Year 5, and when she starts back in September, her Secondary choice will have to be submitted almost immediately.

It's been a long road to even get to this stage: I've suspected ASD since she was 3, and she's been at 3 schools and home educated. She's very anxious, her current school are concerned she's not going to cope with secondary and going from class to class, different expectations of various teachers, etc.

She's still trying to take the top number from the bottom number in column subtraction, she's already up at night worrying about year 6 SATS, etc. She's just starting to feel settled with year 5 work and she's having to move on to year 6. She'll leave primary school at 10 years and 11 months.

I was wondering if holding her back for an extra primary year might help her? She doesn't have a friendship group that she would lose, and she would get a year to build her confidence, then go to Secondary as one of the oldest rather than always the youngest.

It would also give us more time to sort out CAMHS, of course!

I do not know much about this, but even if her primary school were willing and able to keep her in year 5 for an extra year, would the secondary school be happy to accept her into year 7? Is there a possibility that the secondary school would insist on her going into year 8? I assume that going from year 6 into year 8 would be even worse for her socially and academically than staying in her current year.

I would love to be able to keep my summer born DS1 who has SN back a year as I think that it could be really helpful for him. However, the fear of being forced to move straight from year 6 in to year 8 has stopped me looking in to it too seriously.

I may be totally wrong about this of course.

Definitely confirm (in writing) what the secondary school's policy is with respect to out-of-age year group. I had the reverse problem of going through primary a year early (mainly to avoid my Mum teaching me) but then had to repeat the last year at primary because the secondary would not accept an out-of-year child and it was disruptive in terms of social stuff. Repeating the year certainly did not increase my social confidence and probably the reverse.

I wouldn't consider it an option if the secondary wouldn't take her out of year for the whole school career. I've casually chatted with her about what it would be like if she did two year 5s or two year 6s and all I got was that two year 6s would be great as long as she didn't have to do SATs twice, because year 6s get to sit on the bench in assembly. I casually said that her one friend and her cousin would then go to Secondary and she wouldn't, but she shrugged her shoulders and said 'they're probably going to different schools from me anyway, because friend wants to go to a school with a dragon logo on the blazer (different catchment) and cousin will go to private school.'

Schools and LA are very anti this. I kept dd back in reception for an extra year and it was a struggle. In the end as she has moved to a special school she is now back in her correct age group. It is probably a v good idea but expect a battle. They will say she should be supported in her current year to make the transition.

Her HT has just said it's 'impossible' and that there's no indication for it, and it's very difficult without LA agreement, EHCP, etc., and that the Secondary wouldn't take her out of year.

I've calmly told her that the Secondary policy states that parents can request out of year placement, which will be considered for each child on an individual basis. So I'm going in to see her tomorrow.

I'm feeling quite deflated

So apart from giving you doom and gloom about the prospects of your dd in secondary is the primary HT actually helping you to put in formalised support for your dd so that the predicted things do not happen?

I am biased because holding back a year was not great for me (or my sister for that matter) but my feeling would be that it might help if the issue was just prematurity and being a summer born baby. Although do be aware that year 6 girls can be somewhat hormonal and find it strange that someone is repeating the year so might not be as welcoming as perhaps they would be be to someone changing school. However, I don't think a year will solve very much if the issues are due to an ASC (certainly my ds's did not mature very much over that twelve month period) UNLESS at the same time an assessment of your dd's needs is carried out and support put in place to help her in those areas (both academically and to reduce anxiety) that she is struggling with.