Getting so frustrated wtih DS

[gracej]

I love DS (26 months developmentaly delayed in all areas), but I am getting so SO frustrated with him. I am feeling angry right now.
Everyday I try to make time to sit with him and practice the games that his ocupational therapists has shown us, I have made an effort to buy the appropriate toys, to invent new games. But most of the time he will just look around the room, and pay no attention. His concentration is tiny. He will not look at his hands. I just feel like I am putting all this energy for nothing, he does improve, but the improvement is so painfully slow.
Honestly, today I just feel like giving up.
Sorry for the rant, but I needed to write about it, or explode. Please tell me that his interest and concentration will improve.

Aw gracej - I'm sure his interest and concentration will improve. You say yourself you can see progress. Think about the times he doesn't look around the room and is engaged with the play - what is it about those times? Is it a specific toy or object that interests him (in which case I'd use that more rather than having lots of different toys). Has he had a good sleep thus more alert? Is there a better time in the day for play than others? Could there be any other factors affecting him - constipation, other discomfort?

I can really empathise with the feelings of frustration you are having. Some days are worse than others and I've had days of thinking "fook it. What a waste of time"

My advice is when your feeling like that - put him somewhere safe, make yourself a nice drink and go and have 5 mins to yourself - sit in another room, on the step .. calm down then go back to him. Don't try and do any therapy type stuff till you're feeling better. Give yourself and him a break.

DS2 was just like this from about 2-3yrs of age. We work on very short periods of concentrated activity and then reward each step with something he really loves - bubbles, noise making toys, tiny bits of crisp, grapes etc. Slowly his concentration and focus have improved so that now, at 4, he can sit at a table for up to 15mins. When he was your son's age he wouldn't sit and do something that I'd chosen at all.

Thanks ejb, thanks for answering.
All I needed were so a few words of wisdom and a little shoulder to cry on. I feel better now.
I think you are absolutely right. Next time I get frustrated I'll just leave it there and take a break.
There are specific toys that interest him, if it were up to him we would play with those few all day. And we do play with them. But unfortunately he also needs to play with other more stimulating toys.
I promise you all he needs is to just look at his hands, and put 5 minutes of attention and I am sure he would improve so much more.
I was thinking of take a table and chair to an empty room and play with him there. At the moment I am doing it in his room which may not help.
If anyone has any ideas on how to improve his concentration I am all ears, I can really do with some help.

Hi sphil.
Thanks for that, really encouraging.
I shall try the rewards. He loves grapes. What a good idea. Did you give him something after every game/task, or after playing for a set of minutes?

re looking at hands - would he be interested if you put finger puppets / sock toys / mittons adapted in some way with interesting bits of ribbon, shiny paper or textures on them on his hands? Just a thought. We did this with dd to encourage her to notice her hands a bit more - we played games where she had to use the one hand to pull it off the other hand. First we had to give her support (prompting from the elbow) to do this but she did get into it for herself

Hi gracej, it is so frustrating when progress is slow, but keep going - as you say he is improving.
When we were trying to get ds2 to reach we had to teach him that he had arms iykwim, to start with we would place the object in/on his hands & gradually over time reduced the amount of physical input from us so eventually just brushing the back of his hand would get him to reach.. might be a bit basic for your ds, sorry if i'm insulting just don't know what level he is at. Also our ds I think just got bored with me but responded much more if I sang things/instructions, I sounded & felt really stupid as I am totally tuneless but I think it held his concentration a little longer or maybe just scared him i'm not sure which!
Good luck

Hi Socci.
Yes he can learn for sure, it just takes FOR EVER. I would say an average of 3 to 6 months to learn one skill, 3 months for very easy things. Maybe the method I am using is wrong, I just wish someone could tell me how to impove it.
He understands almost everything, actually his receptive language is really very good, that has been the biggest improvement.
But speach-wise, he only has about 6 words and all of them are one syllable, for example, ba is used for ball and baby, ca is used for car.
So, if I am playing with him and I ask him to do something, I believe he does understand, he just doesn't try unless it is a skill that he has absolutely mastered.

Mymatemax, thanks for your ideas, if fact DS can hold things. The problem is that when he is doing something with his hands, which does not interest him, he will not look at what he is doing. So for example, placing pegs on a board, he is not interested, so he will take the peg and put it on the board but will not look at what he is doing, therefore he will never put the peg on a hole.

Sorry for such a long explanation!
Goodness, this is hard.

Gracej - DS2 is exactly the same where looking is concerned. So if I get him to do a puzzle or a shapesorter he often picks up the piece and just jabs it at the approximate spot without looking at all! So as you say, there's very little chance of getting it in. What I do is to make sure I've got his attention before I start (by saying his name, or using a silly voice or noise, sometimes I put my hands on his shoulders or face). I also say 'Look' a lot!

In the home programme that we're doing with DS2, one of the earliest targets focuses on looking. What you do is to get something you know he really likes and say 'DS, look'. When he looks, you reward him. Then you try holding it in different positions - above your head or off to the side. Every time he looks, reward him. Take it very slowly, one step at a time. When he's doing this consistently, try moving the object and see if he can track it.
DS2 still has a real problem with looking, even though he's mastered this skill - but it's much better than it was and at least he now knows what 'look' means!

And yes, we reward every little step - especially with something new or something he finds hard. Once he's mastered a task, we spread the rewards out a bit. The idea is that eventually you can reward just at the end of a session - but we're a long long way from there!

Sorry - have gone on and on - hope this is useful.

HI sphil, will defenitely put in practice your ideas for looking, and the reward.
It is so interesting to know that DS is not the only one having this type of problem. I don't know any other families with delayed children like DS so it is hard to know what type of problems are common.
Any other ideas to improve concentration and attention are greatly appreciated... thanks again everyone.