What the hell do I do with ds?

[CloudPerson]

Ds is 16, has undiagnosed asd/PDA (undiagnosed as he won't go anywhere or see anyone), some sort of tic disorder, OCD, social anxiety etc.
He's HE as couldn't cope with school and despite trying to get some sort of support in place it was turned down every time. He school refused, the EWO and school didn't want to help him and were threatening court because we weren't getting him into school.
We (he was on board with it as well) have arranged a part time job through a local farmer who gives chances to people who would otherwise not get a job, she is very respectful, works at their pace, would never get angry or shout (which has been a problem for ds in the past).
He was supposed to go today, for the first time, sounded ok with it, but has barricaded himself into his room and cannot do it.
The lady can't keep a place open for him, and locally, there is no-one else who can give him this chance.
She was an ex HT and really wants to help him. We've visited etc, he's been well prepared and, we thought, was ok with this.
What the hell do we do?
I've explained the situation to him, told him exactly what he would be doing (only things that he is able to do).
We literally can't get him to do anything. Any pushing, no matter how gentle, pushes him the other way.
He needs professional help/therapy, but we can't get him to see anyone, we can't even get him to the GP if he's ill!
I'm completely despairing now, and haven't a clue how to help him.

Can someone come to the house to see him?

Is there a third party (probably you!) he could communicate through so he doesn't have to feel he's being directly confronted? Maybe initially have him in one room and the professional in another until he feels comfortable.

Sounds to me as though he's totally overwhelmed with the thought of going to work on the farm. It's too far outside his comfort zone. The idea of it is appealing, but the reality is too much for him to cope with.

You'll need to put in a lot of baby steps to get him there. Once you do, could he have a staged start, first day say hello then come home.
Second day say hello and do one small task then come home, third day say hello and do two small tasks then come home.

CloudPerson, it's so hard when you try so hard then have to drop everything and start again on a new plan.

I think it did totally overwhelm him, although he's known her to say hello to for years.
He has had a visit to meet her properly and to meet the few other people.
He worked a bit on a farm before and loved it, but it all fell apart as he had a tummy bug and the farmer told him to fuck off as he was useless (he wasn't useless, the farmer took issue with him being ill), so I think he's worried that this might happen again.

I dropped in this afternoon to speak to the farmer, she's happy to take off the pressure completely for now and try and think of a low key way to get him started, baby steps sound like a good idea.

We have had some involvement from prevention services (this seems to be a regional thing, sort of a pre-CAMHS organisation) so I might give them a ring to see if there's anything else can be done to help him.

He's still shut in his room and won't talk to anyone

He's still shut in his room and won't talk to anyone

Aww, poor lad, he's in his safe space, isn't he? Would he prefer email or text or whatever tech way he's comfortable with for any communication rather than face to face right now?

That's a good idea. Will suggest that.
He's had a word with dh about it. He didn't know who to see or where to go when he arrived, I offered to bring him in lunch and dh got the tractor ready for him to drive there, both of these put too much pressure on him.
These are hopefully things we can plan ahead for, writing things down and texting him will probably make it easier still.

I'll keep my fingers crossed for you all