Dd said to me this morning when will my special needs go away?

[Blossomhill]

How on earth do you answer that one?

She is 7.5 and has AS/Adhd.

I just said to her that if she keeps working hard and practicing that will help make things better.

She was also saying "when I was a baby I didn't have special needs".

Not sure how to tackle this at all

oh i so dread the day i start having these conversations, i really wouldnt know either hun, i like luke jacksons view on its cool to be different and i think i'll be taking that view with my ds3 who is as. i really feel for you hun, i suppose the baby thing is that you can say all babies have special needs, but some children just take longer to grow out of them than others, something like that, sorry no help at all, but i do feel for you and am sure someone thats already dealt with this issue will be along very soon to help out, good luck xx

Owwww

Don't know what to add to mum24biys post really, just wanted to acknowledge your post really, xx

Would she enjoy one of the books written by a child with AS. Luke jacksons might be a bit grown up but there was one I read that was written by a 10 year old. I'll see if I can find it.

Its called Asperger's Syndome, the Universe and Everything by Kenneth Hall.

No advice as DS hasn't asked this yet although he did once tell me that he wished he was dead so he couldn't be naughty anymore

Can you say that everyone is different and has things they are good at and not so good at. Some people need glasses, some (like me!) can't play sport, others can't hear very well, but you can do X and Y really well. Special needs is just a way of describing the things you have a bit of trouble with so we can help you - look at how much better you are X and Y because you have tried so hard! We change all the time, and there are lots of people who would like to be able to run as fast as you/read as well as you/have as many friends as you have/do puzzles like you do/sing as beautifully as you (or whatever). You are so special and unique and wonderful and I don't want to change any tiny bit of you. I think you're absolutely beautiful and amazing and perfect just as you are!'

Because that's the sort of thing I will be saying to my ds if he says something like this to me. I have told him he has something called dyspraxia that makes it harder for him to write neatly, so he has to work harder than other children to write as neatly, and he seemed to find this quite useful and comforting tbh

Great post Aloha - i'll remember that for when ds asks me

For the baby thing, you might want to point out how amazingly she's developed since she was a baby - how she learned to walk and talk etc etc so she gets the message that change and development is always happening.

aloha brilliant advice, i have definately taken all that on board for when my ds3 or ds4 ask, really lovely way with words, and i thought i was good at words lol. ammynnixmum, have you read that book yourself, havent looked at that one yet but must look for it, ds3 hasnt seemed to notice he is different yet but i am sure its on the cards now he's at school, and i also have a 13 yr old nt who i am trying to educate with little ones probs so he knows what we have in store, might be good for him too.

Yes mum24boyz. I've read everything i can get my hands on I thought it was good and definitely written in a way which would be easier for a younger child to understand than Luke Jackson's books - although I think they're great too. I liked that he insisted that he has a good imagination and likes fiction books as this is one of the things that stops ds getting a dx.

oh another one that doesnt fit every box, i know that one, mines too sociable, but i'm past caring what they say lol, i will defo look that one out but i have read one of lukes and that was great, i think he's done another one aswell though hasnt he, i havent read as much as i should have, well apart from on net, dont really get much time for reading lol, but thanks for that, i might have to go shopping on amazon tomorrow i think lol.

Thanks everyone Lots of helpful advice as always.
Aloha that is just the sort of thing I was after. Thanks a lot xxx

You are welcome BH

And it is TRUE!

Good luck with this! Im amazed how few of the children I work with have asked this.

They are more physically affected - dyspraxia, CP, DMD etc. What they tend to ask is will they always be how they are? and of course, a lot of them especially with CP, will be.

Ive never had a child take the honest answer badly - but I did have one mother ask me not to discuss it with her child again because of course he was going to walk!

I actually worry more about facing this with parents than with children.

oh thats a hard question.
we have had that conversation.
a couple of years ago dd1 (hemiplegia/asd type symptoms) said to me, when i'm grown up will my arm and leg not be poorly anymore?

because she had asked nana (MIL) first, and it looks like MIL said yes, it will be gone when you're 18 ! cowardly moron MIL!!

so i had to (deep breath) say 'you will always have that poorly arm and leg, but we will work at it and you will get better with it as you get older"

she is always saying things like 'i wish i didn't have hemiplegia' etc. i always just answer straight 'i wish you didnt too because it would be easier for you. but i love you just as you are and because of how you deal with it, i am so proud of you"

this is easy to say because its true by the way.

i always use opportunities to mention things other people cant do, like watching dancers or something on tv, i always say 'i cant do that'

what you said was excellent ...all the work you do now will make life easier....some things she struggles with now will improve with the repeated strategies etc you put in place. and then as she gets older....you adapt slightly these strategies...tweaking them...to 'fit' the 'new' challenges.

whilst its true...Autism is for Life.....my experience is that with my ds1/2 and 3....the strategies themselves have become as much part of their daily routines as are their own funny little (often annoying ) ways....so when crisis strikes...i quickly revert to 'stategy mode'....and think 'aha...so the current issue is.....for eg Food/Clothes/Friends/Winning/Losing etc....'so i mentally build up loads of strategies ready for the next 'moment'

maybe it's easier for me cos i have 3 with ASD....you have an NT son....so it must be hard flitting from NT to ASD....i do feel comfortable always in the ASD ZONE....as though my boys are all different....there are some overlaps...i hope this all makes sense.

ds2 is now 10 and only just understanding how his AS is both a positive and a negative....and DS3 (same age as your DD) is starting to point out others he knows who are 'like him'... so i asked him what he meant...he said 'oh...you know....they chew their buttons and collars....can't sit still....get confused....forget what they are doing.....' So i believe he is starting to have insight too.
DS1 however...AS/ADHD...really still has no intention of ever accepting that he could possibly ever do anything that others may see as 'odd'...he is the class example of being totally in his own bubble....though now he's 13 we're at the stage where 'friends' knock our door at 9/10pm for him...or he gets invites to disco parties etc...and i am all to aware that he is still relying on me to make excuses for him to not leave the safety of his room....so i believe he is in one way aware he is 'different'...but on the other hand....has no intention of changing.