ASD child hurts other children

[peppajay]

My son is 9 and has aspergers. Ever since he was 9 months old he has 'hurt' other children there is rarely any malice in him he just gets very very over excited and 9 times out of 10 he doesn't mean it. At a bbq today where there were about 10 kids he hurt about 6 of them. He pushed one little little girl against the wall when he was trying to get her to dance with him, he then pushed another little girl off the top of the slide and into the paddling pool coz he thought it was funny. He also likes everything to be just so and pushed a little boy coz he had no Sun hat on. I do try to avoid groups and activities where there will be lots of children as I know he will probably do something to someone. It happens at school at playtime too sometimes - never in the classroom or anywhere where play is structured. I obviously make him apologise and usually take away his evening screen time but then it happens again. If everything was structured and we never went or did anything that required free play it wouldn't happen. He knows it is wrong and always says he never means too. How can i teach him to not do it?? It also seems to go in clusters we may have months where there is nothing then we may have 1 incident then a few more then nothing . He has a social stories book for kind hands but it is like he forgets everything when he is allowed to roam free with other children. Any advice would be gratefully appreciated. Many thanks.

I feel for you. I'm guessing what should have been a fun relaxing day was a total nightmare. A bbq with lots of kids sounds exactly the sort of thing i would be terrified of taking DS (also 9 with ASD) to. At the risk of sounding flippant in your shoes I'd be consoling myself at least no awful accidents involving the bbq! Sorry no real advice as it's so hard to get things right. Except perhaps to say I'm not sure punishment works in those circumstances as in their world they are totally justified/in the right. We spent today in much easier option of the water slide leisure centre (enthusiastically requested by both DS and DD). All went swimmingly (sorry) until not enough change to buy both slush puppy and popcorn. Joint meltdown that just raged on ... all the way home.

Its so hard. My DS is 7 and in chaotic environments like parties is much more likely to hit people. I find it upsetting as he loves going to parties and if we avoid them it isolates us. I feel very conscious of what other people think as I don't want them to think less of me and him. I find it helps to be open with the adults and children about his behaviour as many people like to be helpful and to watch out for him. Its a fine balance as I don't want lots of children telling tales on him but I find most children are quite kind and incluisve when they are aware he's not just being 'bad'.

My DS goes to a large afterschool with a big play area - lots of children running around playing unpredictably. DS only rarely hits people there - the people who run the afterschool asked the other children not to chase DS (as he was getting upset thinking they were trying to attack him and lashing out at them).

I know its not ideal but could you bring an ipad or something else he enjoys with you to events like this and let him relax a bit at the side. Then when he wants to join in you could monitor him closely for that smaller period of time.

Hopefully things will ease as he gets older as he won't be running around with unpredictable small children. A lot of teenagers I know seem to sit down looking at phones etc - at least its a more calm and predictable way of being.