Possible ASD

[Bunnyfuller]

Not sure if I'm posting in the right place. My DD12 is a gorgeous, intelligent little girl. She's generally very anxious and catastrophises many situations. She's very 'full on' doesn't seem able to read people including peers if they've had enough. She doesn't seem to be maturing around anticipating consequences of her actions. She is very controlling in regards to her environment and the world around her and even in games with other children she literally scripts them, to the point they've had enough and drift away. She hates change, is very limited on what she'll eat, right down to brand. We've had terrible problems sometimes if the restaurant we had planned is too full or closed etc.

She's now struggling to initiate and maintain friendships - this has always been an issue but hasn't stuck out as much when she was younger. The one thing that possibly doesn't fit is she has a vivid imagination, and is very creative, and enjoys imaginative play. She explains she likes role play/sylvanians because she can completely control the world she creates. She is absolutely rigid in some things, like which bedding she has as an example.

Two questions really - firstly I presume I go to the GP to ask for an assessment - do I take her with me?

Secondly, but more importantly - what do I tell her? She is too old to be hoodwinked, and I know she would completely flip out if I suggested we ask for an ASD assessment.

I have wondered about this for several years, but never felt the need to explore it. However, the differences between her and her peers are becoming much more obvious. I will also admit I'm starting to struggle with some of the knock-on effects of her behaviours. One of the characteristics is once she starts talking about something she's interested in she doesn't pause for breath! Or even have a conversation really, more a monologue!!

Any advice or views please. We're going through some bullying and kids excluding her at school, and while I totally support her and completely hate the bullying (I posted for some advice on that board but not got much of a response) I think the ringleader is instinctively reacting and targeting DD around how she is. I'm following this up with the school (which is proving shit - no witnesses, it didn't happen), I certainly don't want to make things worse for DD but I could really do with help around managing things.

I'm peri-menopauseal and on meds for anxiety myself, so we're a bloody mess!!!

Thanks in advance

Firstly you sound like a lovely Mum and secondly, it does sound as though she'd benefit from an assesment.

There's a better place to post in relation to this though..well two better places actually!

One is Behaviour and Development and the other is SN Kids

In SN kids there are tonnes of parents with children with ASD and girls too...which is a whole world unto itself as I'm sure you're noticing if you've googled much about it.

If you report your own post, MNHQ will move this thread for you.

Thank you Mrs! :-) done x

Ok, so starting from a place of predicting she will struggle with the idea of being autistic (which I can understand considering the popular media representations which rarely show girls like her), I would do the following:

• read up about autistic girls and women, blogs are good for this and it will give you a good insight into the reality. Musings of an Aspie is a good starting place.
• gently introduce her to autism, Rachael Lucas's novel 'The State of Grace' has an autistic main character and the book covers a lot but in a very realistic way (Rachael herself is autistic). You could reason it first and introduce it like 'so and so recommend this and I've just read it and she sounds just like you'. The girls from Limpsfield Grange have written 2 novels 'M in the Middle' and 'M is for Autism'.
• if you can get her thinking about it then show her Rosie King's TED talk. Rosie was about 11 I think when she read a piece about autism in a newspaper and realised it described her!
• I think if you can present and talk about autism as a good thing it will help her.
• waiting times are very long (average 3+ years) so you may want to consider private assessment, which can give you more control over when and where and who, and means you don't have to jump hoops in CAMHS (if you can afford it, I realise not everyone can).

You could read it first...