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Awful meeting at school

13 replies

Nonameisok · 07/06/2017 15:58

New to this and first time posting, though have lurked.
Ds is 6, yr 1 and school called a meeting with me, senco, teacher and specialist TA to discuss strategies to help ds in yr 2. He is struggling with reading, writing and was bit behind in maths. Has speech and Lang difficulties too, mainly speech pronounciation and word finding difficulties . Has been seen by nhs salt since age 2 but no one to one intervention (thresholds very high where I live).
Recently employed private salt, who says ds probably dyslexic as he has significantly reduced phonological awareness, but responds well to visual strategies.
Meeting today had me in tears (after) as i got the impression that they didn't think I did enough with ds at home (maybe paranoid) as first question was what is he like at home/ what does he like to do (no table top stuff, all active stuff - not a lot of sit down things) - that they thought the reason that he was behind lack of stimulation. I suggested it was related to his phonological processing and they said too young to look at dyslexia screening. I felt they were saying that he doesn't meet age related expectations but you should just put up with it and not be over anxious (looking for diagnosis). My point was if we didn't look at alternatives now he would be floundering by year 2/3 and self esteem would suffer.
I feel patronised, labelled as over anxious pushy mum. And blamed.
Is this the usual experience?

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zzzzz · 07/06/2017 19:01

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Nonameisok · 07/06/2017 19:16

Sorry z, not sure I understand your post. Are you being supportive or something else? Don't think it's lazy parenting .... That was said tongue in cheek.

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zzzzz · 07/06/2017 20:00

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Nonameisok · 07/06/2017 20:06

Thanks zzzz for clarifying. It is awful and so demoralising. I'm not blaming anyone, just asking for different methods of teaching to at least be trialled.
I'm usually on the other side (NHS AHP - children's). I can see the process whereby schools label parents as 'difficult ' now. Crap.
Sorry you've had a bad week. I appreciate you taking time to respond.

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dimples76 · 07/06/2017 22:26

Sorry that you had such a stressful time.

I think in these type of meetings it's natural to feel a bit defensive as I imagine most parents second guess ourselves and wonder if there is anything more we could be doing/have done.

As an outsider reading their opening question about your son I wouldn't view it as trying to uncover issues at home - to me it read more about trying to understand your boy better.

zzzzz · 07/06/2017 22:44

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Nonameisok · 07/06/2017 22:47

Thanks dimples, I think you are probably right. I did feel defensive, I admit. Ds has always been reluctant to do 'learning' type play. I have tried - lots - but he's just not receptive.
I don't think that's the reason he's behind though. Kids have a natural desire to explore, learn etc - they'll get there naturally in most instances with parents needing to 'do' very little. It's when you struggle with them that you can inkle there's an organic reason. Sorry - had to spew

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Shybutnotretiring · 07/06/2017 22:49

That was my experience. I reckon there are three strands to it: delegation (they want you to put the extra effort in, not them); deflection (the longer they talk about what you should or shouldn't be doing the less time/opportunity there is for you to query what they should or shouldn't be doing); insurance (if the child doesn't make progress well, what could they be expected to do when he has been so thoroughly messed up by his terrible mother). I think it would've helped if I'd realised that although it feels like a personal attack it is actually an impersonal approach from the school's point of view. I never get though how they fail to see the contradiction between complaining that you didn't put hours into hothousing him after school (how much can you get out of an exhausted child after the bulk of the day is over anyway?) and complaining about him not getting enough sleep to function the next day. Right off to find my anti-bitterness serum...

Nonameisok · 07/06/2017 22:49

Thanks zzzzz, doing lots of self-doubting here. Did I overreact etc etc? School fail to realise what an impact walking into a room of 3 of them has.... They're quite imposing

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Nonameisok · 07/06/2017 22:52

Also shy, what help is it to your child to cram more of the stuff that makes them feel crap down their throats in a place (home) they should feel secure and competent.

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zzzzz · 08/06/2017 06:44

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The1andonlyFrusso · 08/06/2017 11:27

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Nonameisok · 08/06/2017 16:56

Thanks both, that's an empowering attitude to take. I'm sorry you've both struggled with it - I imagine it makes you feel very isolated.

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