Finding it difficult to cope

[Rizzledizzle]

ASD DS aged 12 refuses to do anything he's asked. We have tried so many strategies with him and having very little success in getting him to comply.
DH and I are arguing more and more as we feel so drained and every time we talk to one another DS accuses us of arguing. He has said that we have argued 32 times in the past 14 days and as a result doesn't want any more playdates to come to the house.
Our poor DD is suffering as her brother constantly hits her is says mean things.
I don't feel I can go on for much longer like this. I have put in so much energy into getting DS into the right special school and making life as good as possible for him, yet he treats me with so little love. I dread holidays and weekends as I know that he will refuse everything that is asked of him. I am sleeping so little as I feel I have been punched left right and centre by him. Having always been a very positive person, I now cry frequently. I don't know what to do to make things better.

Hi Rizzledizzle, I am replying just to let you know that someone has read this and I am so sorry things are difficult at the moment.
I know that the strain on all family members when a child with ASD is refusing to do things and is dominating the house with teir behaviour can be awful.
My DD is 8 and when she is anxious becomes very controlling and lashes out at the rest of us, but in particular her brother. It is so frustrating and both my husband and I agree that it can at times feel like we are being abused my her. She seems to have no care for our feelings and that is so difficult to bear day after day.
Of course after the bad times I know that it is her anxiety and not her fault but it does wear you down.

What strategies do you use? I know for us we find PDA strategies work well. She also needs time by herself when she is stressed (for her sake as much as ours) and we are helping her to recognise how to manage her own moods.

Sometimes it's about recharging batteries to tackle things again. When you are exhausted it seems impossible.

If you're getting anxious or depressed it might be worth talking to your GP - maybe take some anti- depressants or do counselling - it won't fix things but might take the edge off. Anxiety medication helped me to be a bit stronger and made things seem less bleak