Just having one of those 'I-can't-do-this-anymore' days!

[Cakescakescakes]

Nothing in particular just a million little things. Terrible sleep this past week (last night DS1(6, ASD) awake till 11pm then up again between 3am-6am then slept for an hour till 7am). DS2 was up at 6am though so I got about 2hrs sleep between the two of them.

DS1 has also just been on edge for last two days. Shouting and screaming at the simplest thing eg me setting a drink down in front of him. Obsessively demanding you tube on the iPad (trying to limit this as it definitely makes him worse). Constantly fighting and hitting his brother (who is only 3 and is a whole other handful of energy').

I've no family nearby enough (or interested/willing enough 😞 to help) and OH works mega long hours as I can't work as I am a carer for DS1.

Today he came or of school and ran over and head butted me. I know this is because he wanted to see me and couldn't cope with those feelings or express it to me verbally but it still hurts. He is in special education (wonderful ASD unit) so I know he is well supported there.

I guess sometimes you think you have your head around parenting a child with ASD and then every so often it just piles up on you again.

Ah well. Good to write it down for people who understand. I don't really have any friends who have kids with SN. Glass of wine and early bed time for me tonight if I can get DS1 settled and hopefully a good sleep will help!

Big hugs. I get it completely. My 7 and 4 year old both have asd and ADHD and it's a nightmare. Like you my dh works long hours and sometimes I want to shout "it's bloody simple" to whatever small thing is upsetting them.

Enjoy your wine x

I hope you feel better today! My youngest is as yet undiagnosed, but has many developmental issues. She just isn't happy unless clinging from your neck and either scratching at you, poking at you, pulling at you, whacking you etc... And some days I just want to scream 'leave me alone!'. It's very wearing. You have my sympathies, but wine does help some evenings so I hope you enjoyed. Here's to a better day today hopefully x

Thank you both! We all slept well last night so I feel much more on top of things today. Ds1 was asleep by 9pm which is virtually unheard of so I think he must have been overtired too which was making him less able to cope with stuff.

I think it's just the relentlessness of it all that is so wearing. Friends with kids are all talking at the minute about what holiday clubs etc they are booking their kids onto this summer. None of that is an option for DS1 and I can see the social gap between him and other kids just getting wider and wider. Also I can just see 9 weeks (we are in NI) looming ahead of me where I have them both to entertain in the fabulous Northern Irish weather. It's too stressful for DS1 to have other people in our house (except one friend of mine who thankfully has a child the same age as toddler DS2 so they amuse each other) and there are limited places I can take them both on my own as DS1 is a bolter and everywhere is so busy in school holidays. DH has one week off but not till the end of August.

But I guess most of us are in the same boat there! I have found a local(ish) charity who do summer activity days for autistic children so I'm going to contact them to see if we can even attend one of those.

It's good just to write it all down and get it out of my head sometimes so thanks for reading!

And sometimes I try to remember happy and positive moments too. The best moment of my life was one day when dS2 was a tiny baby and I was really struggling. dS1 was just turned 4 and virtually non verbal at that stage (few single words but very limited). We were all in the front garden and he pointed and said 'look a red car'. I remember sobbing my heart out because it was the first time he had ever spontaneously spoken to me or put so many words together. It was the first chink of light in the progress that he would make.

Right - now I'm crying again thinking about it :)) It was honestly the most joyous moment of my life.

I am glad you got some sleep! It does wonders doesn't it?! Definitely keep trying to focus on the positive. It can be very hard at times I know. I often find myself tearing my hair out with my little one then she falls asleep in my arms, looks so angelic, and I feel guilty for feeling so negative about her earlier!

It is very relentless. When I see people complaining about a tiring day out and it's with their NT kids I feel the rage. It's very hard. We're normally at home. We went to the park with my parents the other day and my youngest (4) with asd hid in the climbing tower chewing her fingers. It was heartbreaking. I'm dreading the six week holidays. Especially as we are approaching school for my youngest and the school in question don't want her.

Be kind to yourself 🍷

My daughter has started getting up about 4:30, she is 19 with SLD. We are away and she has just pulled all the buttons off the duvet cover whilst 'helping'. I think lack of sleep definitely has a cumulative effect on my tolerance.

If you are in NI do the FAI do summer camps there? In I'm Ireland and was impressed that the FAI were able to offer an SNA for DS at the standard footie camp....Might be worth looking into.

Thanks sophie I'll check that out. They have coaches from NI FA who come in to do 'football' skills with all the pupils in his school so will investigate as he enjoys that (mostly just running around laughing and occasionally glancing near the ball...!)