Toilet training 3.5yr old with speech delay and maybe ASD

[susie40]

We're going to have a stab at training DS over the Easter weekend. He's 3.5 and hyperlexic - with a speech delay and possible ASD. He knows what the toilet is for but usually says he doesn't want to use it. He knows when he has done a poo in his nappy but couldn't care less. Sometimes if I have to change his nappy towards the end of the day I just put him in pants. The other day he wet himself with just pants on and said "oh no, wee". So there's some hope there. There have been a couple of times he's taken his nappy off and we've tried just pants - both times he just kept weeing himself. The first time he asked for a nappy and the second time I persuaded him to have a nappy (it was the day before we were moving house!). He used to sit on the toilet (on a trainer seat) and look at books for a while before his bath and a couple of times had a wee, but unfortunately one day he pooed in the bath and was hoiked out and put on the toilet and the next night he didn't want to sit on it. He's too big for a potty, I reckon.

I've had a look at some of the past threads already. I was planning to put him in pants and take him to the toilet every half hour (assuming I can persuade him to sit on it) and see what happens, and give up after a couple of days if there is no progress whatsoever (and try again later in the year). Bribery rarely works with DS but I thought I could say he can have some Pringles afterwards if he sits on the toilet. I also told him today, when he pointed out a big Hot Wheels set that he wants, that he could have it when he had done a poo on the loo.

Any thoughts from anyone who's already gone through it? Am I on the right track?

I would get a potty and bring it downstairs, and let him wander around bare bottomed.

Then, when he is confident he can get to the potty to do his stuff, try boxer shorts. I believe they are very good ffor late training boys (as mine was - also with speech delay - wonder if the two are linked?) as they leave a breeze around the nethers reminding him he hasn't got a nappy. let him get confident pulling his boxers up and down, then put him in jogging bottoms!

Good luck. It took a LONG TIME for my now nearly 4 year old to stop pooing in his pants. bu he hasn't pooed himself for a long time now, and don't think he ever will again.+

Hi Susie, we are still working on toilet training with ds2 age 4. He knows when he wants to go & has good control but has huge toilet/potty fears.
When we first started he didn't seem to distinguish between a nappy & pants so we left him with nothing on & I think this helped him learn the sensation of wanting a wee..then we put him just in pants, but if he had trousers on as well he just didn't seem to be able to tell when he needed to go IYKWIM although he is OK with trousers on as well now but it took a while.
Our ds will only wee standing up & only in familiar toilets & won't ask, so will only go if he can take himself so has to have loose trousers on. He won't sit on anything that resembles a loo or potty so still has a pull up for much of the time & obviously if he needs a poo.
Good luck I hope all goes well, but don't worry too much he is still young just try to be as laid back as possible.

Bribery worked well with ds1. I went through his social story with him first a few times and then gave it a try. His big motivators at the time were stickers. He got a sticker every time he produced anything, even if it was just a couple of drops. Pringles and Hot Wheels sound like the kind of combination that would definitely appeal to my ds2 (4 and still in nappies) so it may well work for your ds).

Good luck.

my DS1 (3 yrs, ASD) has been in pants for 3 months now and we still have accidents every day (yes, I do despair... ) I only started seeing real progress when my ABA people stepped in. I think the key with our kids is consistency and successfully pairing a reinforcer with doing a wee or a poo in the potty. We started putting DS1 on the potty every 15 mins, and then IMMEDIATELY reinforcing with choccy buttons (don't give too many treats as by the end of the day they start being less effective...). Then once he can do 15 mins without an accidents for a day or two, increase this to 30 mins, then 45 etc. They explained to me that we have to give DS1 opportunities to succeed, and that unfortunately means getting him to sit on the potty A LOT as there are more chances that something ends up in there. Bribing verbally beforehand ('you'll get x if you do a wee in the potty') didn't really work here because of the language delay. Action followed by reward, done with consistency, really does work.

Also reserve a treat that is only used for potty training, eg. a bag of toys in the loo that he gets to play with if he succees. Lots and lots of praise, and - this was my mistake - keep reinforcing it, keep praising and giving the treats even when you think he's got it. I just stopped and he obviously thought that there was no point weeing in the potty as there is no reward (the social side of potty training ie. being motivated by 'being like daddy' etc does not work you see...) and started weeing in his pants again. If he refuses to sit on the potty, start with small steps: first, get him to sit on it for just 2 seconds and make a big fuss about counting to two, then take him off, and reward. Then, increase it to 3, 4, 5 seconds etc.

If you have another child, this obviously is impossible . Then you do like me, muddle through and hope that by the time he is 10 you will not have to mop any more wee... . good luck!

Thanks everyone for your ideas. We're going to give it a go in a relaxed way and go back to nappies for a while if he clearly isn't getting it at all. Luckily he has an October birthday so I have a whole year and a half before he starts school.

Colditz - there have been some studies done in the States linking late training and late talking - have you read either of Thomas Sowell's books? (Someone on here, can't remember who, pointed me at them).

Report from the toilet training front - it's going far better than I ever thought it could. We've gone from getting through 12 pairs of pants and 8 pairs of trousers on Friday, to only two minor accidents today (one of which was because DH and I were both out of the room when he realised he wanted to go). DH has been an absolute star, so patient, and I could not have done it without him.

We have a special book in the loo for him to look at while he is in there (a bumper book of Richard Scarry, his favourite) and that seems to work very well. Plus he gets a small prize every time he does something in the loo (toy cars etc) - this has concentrated the mind hugely. I didn't tell him he would be getting a prize until the first (almost accidental) success.

I'm also finding the Bright Bots training pants very useful as DS was getting in a situation where he would have a small dribble accident and be so self-conscious and stressed about it that he would be unable to do anything when I put him on the loo immediately afterwards, but would instead have another small dribble accident 20 minutes later...and so it would go on. The Bright Bots pants will hold a smallish dribble and I found if I put him in them after having one of those accidents that he would calm down and then be able to go properly a bit later.

Well done! sounds like a good weekends work.