I have 2 kids a 6yo girl and a 2 nearly 3yo boy.
Obviously parenting them hasn't always been a breeze, we've had tantrums and sleepless nights and I'm no stranger to the sigh of relief as you shut the bedroom doors and poor a well earned glass of wine.
Overall though, they've been relatively easy and mostly delightful kids and I've always felt 'in control' and capable as a parent. We live abroad and ive been back and forth with them to England plenty of times alone, never thought anything of it (as long as I had the iPad ;-)
Anyway a few months ago we came to realise that my son is ASD, no official diagnosis yet but there is no doubt in my mind.
Obviously he hasn't changed overnight but what's 'normal' for a 2yo is a fairly wide bracket, now that he's nearly 3 and looks much older his differences suddenly seem very obvious; not speaking, or understanding much, ignoring instructions/his name (not always but it seems to be increasing), separation anxiety, nappies etc.
Anyway, suddenly I feel completely out of my depth and have no confidence in my parenting skills. We do various therapies and playgroups and If it's fine I take him
For walks in the Forrest but if when we're at home all he wants is the iPad (which obliviously isn't going to help him) and I am rubbish at 'playing' anyway. It was never a problem before, my daughter played by herself or isn't her little craft projects to do and she watched a fair bit of TV but she was an early talker so I didn't feel too bad about that (it was the only to shut her up!)
When my son came along my daughter has started school. We'd take her to school spend the morning out (playgroup/forest/play date) have lunch, he'd play for a bit independently and then have a nap. We'd play till 5pm then. Put the TV while I cooked dinner. Eat at 6 then bath stories and bed. Easy... (mostly)
He has also recently dropped his nap which makes the day so much longer.
I just don't what to do with them all day anymore... my son spends the day pulling me round screaming for the iPad, it's easier if we go out whcih we do in the week but at the weekend my daughter wants to stay at home and play.
She is getting more willfull and exerting her independence, plus she's probably picked on the worry about her brother. He is hitting the terrible twos.
Suddenly I'm totally overwhelmed and feel like a terrible mother. I've never thought anything of taking them anywhere before... planes trains holidays restaurants etc. Now everything seems overwhelming.
When he was a baby he seemed easy and we could use Pram's and high chairs to keep him in one place plus I admit to using peppa pig on my phone to keep him quiet him in cafes etc.
Now I feel like I should be helping him all day everyday. We're researching alsorts of therapies and forking out 100s on appointments. But when I get home I just don't have the energy and I find it all so depressing. I still haven't come to terms with the ASD to be honest and can't handle the battle to get him to do stuff he'd rather not when I'm on my own.
I feel completely out of my depth and for the first time ever I miss my life before kids.
My husband is a star but he is picking up a lot of slack and we can't go on like this forever.
An afternoon of used to revive me but now I spend it sleeping or feeling guilty or dreading the next day. I overload our schedule and then wear myself out so I'm a wreck....
help