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SN children

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Original poster

Interaction - ASD/ Aspergers?

22 replies

Blossom4538 · 05/05/2017 23:18

So my DD has some significant interaction struggles. But it's not like she doesn't want to see certain people - she'll get v excited if someone is popping over and be keen to see them, when they are here, she'll fall silent, avoid eye contact, behave a little erratically or become "busy" and arrange blankets and cushions etc! She wants us to show them things she's made or achieved at school but cannot even look or speak when we do.

It's not like a complete phobia of social interaction, she does want to see certain friends family but then struggles with it. However, there are also people she's anxious around, but this is usually related to noise - loud voice, blown nose in past (hates that!)

Does this sound similar or familiar to anyone or their little ones?

OP posts:

Apparentlychilled · 08/05/2017 13:09

Bumping for you.

V similar to my 8 year old.How old is your DD? I'm afraid I'm dashing but will pop back later.

sunshine99789 · 08/05/2017 14:08

Wow, this sounds like my dd, she is 7 and loves the 'idea' of people coming round but has no idea what to do while they are here so she goea up to her room :( If I ask her to come down then she gets really emotional and starts crying/screaming at me. She is better with immediate family and will tolerate being in the same room but more often that not , she will ignore them when they try and speak to her.

Does your DD have a diagnosis?

Original poster

Blossom4538 · 08/05/2017 14:12

No, she's under assessment currently. Do your little ones?

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sunshine99789 · 08/05/2017 14:19

She will also be under assessment, she was accepted by camhs last month. I know something is 'off' as her siblings arent anything like her and its not a case of 'every child is different' I dont think she will get a diagnosis of anything...I just want her to have access to the support she needs :(

Apparentlychilled · 08/05/2017 19:13

My DD is the similar. Likes the idea of having friends over but if it doesn't go EXACTLY as she wants, she can freak out. She has been known to climb a tree with a book during playdates.

I'm so tired of her meltdowns. And it feels really mean to say that, as I realise she doesn't have them to wind me up or to be a brat (which is what it feels like).

Apparentlychilled · 08/05/2017 19:14

My DD had her first appointment with the paediatrician over the Easter hols so we're just starting the process. It feels like as soon as I have other things on my plate and can't devote lots of attention to her, she has more meltdowns and is much harder work.

sunshine99789 · 08/05/2017 19:18

I feel like im constantly walking on egg shells with DD. The thing I struggle with is the not knowing. If it is ASD then I could be more.sympathetic and try to understand her a little better....but if its just that she is purposely doing these things then I need to come down harder on her. Feel like im stuck with no idea what to do

Apparentlychilled · 08/05/2017 19:21

Oh, I hear you, sunshine99789. And sometimes I just CBA to charm my DD just to have a bearable existence. Everyone I've spoken to so far agrees she's probably high functioning ASD (so won't get a statement, even if we get a diagnosis) and just needs help with her moods and emotions, esp as ED and self harm are so rife amongst teenage girls who aren't diagnosed early (or so I understand).

Apparentlychilled · 08/05/2017 19:24

Blossom I'm sorry. I feel like I'm derailing your thread with my rant.

sunshine99789 · 08/05/2017 19:26

My apologies too! sometimes just need to vent to someone who 'gets it' x

Apparentlychilled · 08/05/2017 19:38

How old is your DD, Blossom?

Original poster

Blossom4538 · 08/05/2017 19:48

No, no problem at all. I sympathise and am going through similar. DD is almost 6 and has been referred since the age of 3.

I'm exhausted and we're all quite up and down at the moment.

Do you not get statement (ehcp) for high functioning Autism? I think you can or it depends on needs of individual child? Not sure.
I know a girl who has been given full time 1-1 at school since her diagnosis (hfa). Perhaps no statement though as I believe School have been funding.

I am basically treating DD as though it is asd - she def has some sensory problems and anxiety. Hard to always keep our patience though.

At moment, we've had the odd morning where it has been a challenge to get her into school - usually once or twice a week. It's awful.

OP posts:

Apparentlychilled · 08/05/2017 22:59

the paediatrician said it was unlikely, so I'm assuming not, but we'll see. She's always been a hard work child- dramatic and volatile. It's just that she hasn't been growing out of her tantrums which started to worry me this year, and she's socially gauche (to put it mildly) which as one of the oldest in her year, I'd expect her to be clued up on.

I don't know but I think EHCP/statement is if they're not coping at school. She is, so no help. She's good as gold at school but a bloody nightmare a lot of the time at home. I know I need to implement the stuff that'll help. I've loads of stuff on in other parts of my life and have let one on one with her slip a bit. Which is crap of me, because it makes everything worse.

Apparentlychilled · 08/05/2017 23:03

I would never have anticipated I'd be here. She spoke early and clearly and is good with eye contact. She appears to be very sociable but really it's just on her terms and when she feels in control. And mainly with older children/adults or with little ones (though not too much as they're unpredictable).

But there's stuff that wasn't typical and a friend with an ASD daughter flagged it. Sensory stuff (loud noises esp hand dryers). Society anxiety/overwhelm. Meltdowns (not age appropriate as she's Y3)- tantrums and also upset sometimes. We had lots of school refusal in the past and as soon there's ANY deviation from our morning routine, it results in meltdown. I've dragged her to school by her arm before and told her she has to go to school because otherwise parents go to jail (I know, I know... but it was a line that slipped out when she was in Reception before I thought through these things....)

Original poster

Blossom4538 · 08/05/2017 23:30

She sounds very similar to our DD! It is so draining for us and tough for them.
We do have a diagnosis of Selective Mutism and Anxiety, but inconclusive on ASD currently. She def has sensory issues (yep, hates hand dryers also!) and poss motor and processing delays.

I have periods where we all cope really well and others where it all feels too much and I feel quite down and emotional.

OP posts:

sunshine99789 · 09/05/2017 06:32

Honestly, this is so much like my DD. In regards to noise she is the same with hand dryers/tannoys when shopping or pretty much any loud sudden noise.

She talks to who SHE wants to talk to and only when she wants. She is petrified of bugs, people in costumes (mascots, disneyland etc) and big (when i say big...i mean anything bigger than a king charles) dogs to the point where she is blinded so much by her fear she would think nothing of running into the road.
Her temperement could only be described as explosive. On a good day she is so lovely and it breaks my heart.

readyornot2011 · 09/05/2017 08:53

My daughter had some of these issues, play dates she'd plan out and then explode when they didn't go to plan. Hand dryers/toilets. Only talking to people when she felt like it... etc. I'm only in the SN section as my 2yo son is Likely ASD.... but I have wondered about some of my daughters behaviours since reading more about ASD. The good news is she has grown out of most of it (with a little help- sign posting and manageing expectations). We've still yet to get through one of her bday parties without any tears and she can come across as a little 'aloof' if she's not in a sociable mood. Mostly she's a loving thoughtful intelligent capable and sweet girl though and I suspect some of her issues come from us sticking her in french school at 2.5yo when she had no french, which meant she's was always a bit on the sidelines socially.
Sign posting helped a lot e.g. This is going to happen in so many minutes and i expect this from you....

Apparentlychilled · 09/05/2017 09:20

It's such a comfort to hear your DDs are similar to mine. For such a long time I thought her meltdowns and hard-work-ness was because I'm crap at this parenting lark.

I know all our children have their own paths, and this is just hers. And I know I can't change it so I need to accept it. But I feel so sad for her. And worried about whether she'll ever have friends (without trauma and angst). And I feel guilty because I think this comes from my side.

Apparentlychilled · 09/05/2017 09:22

Oh ready just seen your post. That does give me some comfort! How old is your DD?

readyornot2011 · 09/05/2017 11:57

She's 6...

readyornot2011 · 09/05/2017 12:18

She still has her moments but nothing outside the range of normal I don't think.... there are times when she won't talk to certain people... but increasingly I think this is a language issue... her french is good now but she's embarrassed when I speak!

youarenotkiddingme · 09/05/2017 17:59

You can get an EHCP for what they narratively call high functioning autism.
My ds was ds under dsm V so has the asc dx. My la tried to say he wouldn't get an EHCP because its at level 1. But all that means is he has the capacity to learn and retain the skills taught.

He still gets 20 hours a week!

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