DD and school misery

[JeffVaderneedsatray]

Just venting really.
I used to post a while back under a different name and had loads of good advice. I know if I post here people will understand.

DD is 9. She has a dx of ASC and ADHD. The ed psych who we saw said many many PDA traits but he wasn't going to dx as our county don't dx it....

She hates school. She cannot say why she hates school but she does. Up until half way through last year she masked beautifully so nobody believed me (hence our dx was private as we were not prepared to let her get in the state needed to actually get a referal and since the dx and school putting recommendations in place she has been a bit better). Now she lets her true self be seen and spends much time under tables growling at people, refusing to do work and melting down over the weeniest of things.
For the past few days we have been late for school. Not just a little bit late but upwards of 30 minutes. Yesterday it was because all her pants were 'wrong'. Today it was socks.
Luckily I don't work but I am at my wits end. Normally we make it by the skin of our teeth but she is ramping up her refusal.
Currently she is in a mixed y4/5 class and because she is bright she is in the y5 groups for maths. She's y4. I can see that she has massive gaps in her understanding and she is finding the pressure of moving on in maths very stressful but whenever I mention the gaps and the stress I get told she scored 85% on the last test and that they can't see the gaps. They currently have a student in the class so some lessons are taught by him and some by her class teacher. The tables have just been moved around and she is near a boy she cannot deal with because he won't shut up. They've changed from indoor PE to outdoor and she loves dance and gymnastics so she's gutted and they're doing a project with the Royal Opera Company that involves being videoed.
She is a ball of stress.
I have asked that she be moved away from her nemesis but was told that X has to sit somewhere and every other table is full.
I have jsut spent a fortune on seam free socks even though I know it isn't ACTUALLY the socks.....
I keep mentioning HE to DH but he is resistant. I don't know why he's resistant. I used to be ateacher so it isn't as if I am totally incompetent but he is a bit rigis in his thinking so I wonder if that is the block? I need to raise it again.

I know there are no answerw but I wanted to offload.

I had pretty much decided not to do cajoling anymore. I ahve ordered seam free sock so hopefully we cantryn those when they arrive.
My plan for Monday is to present the socks and then go and do something else.

I really don't understand the objection to moving X. He's a pain in the arse. I've done some supply in her school and taught him when he was in a different class to DD last year and he was a pain in the arse who beleived sanctions didn't apply to him.

In many ways school are actually OK but her teacher just seems to have decided that moving X is her line in the sand.

We have a referral in with our Working Together Team (was Autism Outreach) but they have said they are coming in to do a 'Sensory Walk' around school at the end of May. I don't understand why at all. DD needs observing in class not taken off to wander around school. Once she susses the woman is from the WTT she will mask up and just not engage.... she refused to fill in the pupil part of the referal as she didn't want 'those people knowing all my secrets'

I dearly want the WTT woman to see her in full on under the table mode.
And now I had better get off my arse and stop feeling sorry for myself as my mother is coming tomorrow, the house is a tip as I ahve had an evil lurgy that has rendered me incapable of much and we ahve no food.
Thank you!