Could DS have OCD and if so what do we do?

[AliMonkey]

DS(10) has suffered from anxiety all his life, with the biggest issue being his selective mutism. Through help from school and the ed psych, this is probably at only 10% of the level it was before so, whilst we keep an eye on it, it is no longer ruling his life.

But over the last few weeks, he has got obsessive about clean cutlery at home, to the point where he will normally only use a straight from the packet plastic knife and fork. Yes, some of our cutlery is a bit scratched or watermarked but it is clean - I've even offered our "best" cutlery which is hardly used and kept in a posh box so very shiny and new looking! Until we offered him the plastic cutlery option, he would sometimes sit in front of one of his favourite meals and just not eat. He tells us he is OK at school "as their cutlery is always clean" but I suspect that is because his fear of looking silly to his friends is greater than his fear of dirty cutlery.

It only seems to be around eating (eg if he dropped a piece of pasta on the tablecloth, he'd never pick it up and eat it, and will the whole packet of apples to find one without any marks) but doesn't have a problem with dirt in general, eg happily plays football in the mud, draws on his hands, ...

So do you think this is OCD and if so what do we do? The answer seems to be "go to your GP" but his anxiety is such that I don't think I could get him there. (He hasn't been to the GP for about 8 years and has built it up into this fearful thing.)

So what can I do to help at home? Reading around, it looks like I should be direct about it, "What is it you are worried about? Do you think you will get ill, or ...?" but what then?

Any books you could recommend either for me or for me to work through with him? Or perhaps fiction books that would help him understand it indirectly?

And should we continue to "pander to him" by letting him use the plastic cutlery, or it this making it worse?

Hi there, my son was diagnosed with OCD a few years ago and what your son is experiencing does sound like it could possibly be OCD. I went to my Gp who then referred my son so CAMHS. My son is now really well although he still has to take medication. I can highly recommend this book for your son to read.

Touch and Go Joe: An Adolescent's Experience of OCD www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1843103915/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_x9gczbHS4873E?tag=mumsnetforum-21

Thanks for the recommendation, looks like it could be really helpful.

How long did you have to wait to see CAMHS? Part of my reluctance in going to GP is that I suspect the effort of persuading DS to go would be a waste of time because CAMHS wouldn't be able to see him - he was referred by school for his selective mutism and they basically said "in an ideal world we would see him but we have so many more severe cases to deal with that we can't".

Its difficult and your not 'pandering' to him, I do think that you are probably helping to reinforce his anxieties by providing plastic cutlery and not going to the GP but I understand your his mum and just want him to be ok, to eat and not upset him. It might be worth asking the school to keep an eye at lunch times as he could well be lying about using their cutlery. does he seem to be loosing weight or eating other things instead? If he had friends round toe tea would he eat with your cutlery?
He needs to be encouraged to face his fears in a controlled way so his self belief in his ability to cope will be built up, CAMHS would be ideal to do this and the sooner the better. If not available and you can afford to have a private assessment this might be worth considering aswell.