Aspergers - EHCP

[Fairlawn]

DS(10) has Asperger's. Academically he is above average in his subjects, so superficially no problem at school with learning.

However he has a diagnosis of General Anxiety Disorder, and has meltdowns on average 4 out of every 5 school nights, usually about homework. These are typically... he thinks he's done it wrong/he will have actually forgotten the homework and left it at school/ he thinks he has some but can't remember. Also the instructions aren't 100% clear (verbally told at end of lesson) so he's not sure what he actually has to do.

I'm feeling at a loss here. He is at a school that prepares kids for 11+ but has a reputation for being more gentle than others. This means that there is a lot of talk of working hard and so on, and for him he takes it all to heart. He has no filter.

Long term I know he is bright and can learn independently so really don't care at all about any of the selective senior schools as I can see he'll crumble under the pressure of assessments. However, the thought of what Senior school would be right for him to just let him learn without undue pressure is a whole other thread for another day!

Right now, my worry is that daily he is struggling with stress and anxiety. Daily it is about homework. What can I actually expect from the school? I don't know what is actually reasonable to expect them to do differently?

For example, if I was thinking of starting EHCP process for him, what would I actually hope for...he has no problem accessing the curriculum in terms of his academic achievement. Emotionally he is so fragile, so anxious and it feels like walking on egg shells around him as anything can set him off.

Or should I be putting my thoughts about trying to get a CAMHS referral? (Which I'm doing anyway)

I think that any changes that need to take place at school will need to be thought up by me, as really they don't see any of the problems (other than a child who cries at school about twice a week...they don't have to cope with evenings spent trying to find out what the problem is).

He says he likes his school as he knows it is a good school where he can learn a lot (his words) and that is what he wants to do. I just wish he didn't take the stress to heart, but the more I read the more I understand that is the nature of Aspergers and something he will likely always struggle with.

Sorry for waffling on...feel really sad for him as he is so stressed and scared of life it seems.

Basically what could I ask the school to do differently? What is reasonable? What have people found that can work to make a difference?

Thank you

If he is academically above his peers then I don't think he will get an EHCP but I'm not an expert. Might be better to research strategies that will help him to be more organised coupled together with home school communication of some description so you can support him at home. Try Autism Initiatives as they may be able to suggest things. Also, look into what IT the school uses - online planners / homework etc and if this can be accessed by you so you can help him to plan.

Thanks...I haven't come across Autism Initiatives so will do.

Sadly hw isn't on the portal or that would basically solve this problem entirely!!

Thanks

Thanks...yes he's at an independent school. Our local state primary does now have a place in Y5 and I know they have a much more relaxed approach to hw, however he doesn't want to move schools as we have spoken about it.

I would just love some guides as to how to help before the meltdown. After meltdown we talk about what I could have done to help, but I'm not really getting any signs before a meltdown, if that makes sense.

Why do you think Senior School was better than primary for your son? What was it that worked better for him?

Thank you

My experience of independent primary/prep is that there is quite a bit more homework in Y4/Y5 than in state, but Y6 in state can often be a nightmare of pressure due to SATS.

It sounds like the school could be be doing a lot more to clearly communicate homework. If it's just being rattled off verbally by the teacher at the end of the lesson, I'm sure he's not the only child who isn't getting the message.

Ask them if they can introduce homework diaries - good practice for secondary where ever they go - or print out homework. Well planned lessons should have the homework component included at the planning stage - dishing it out ad hoc at the end is sloppy teaching. So the teacher should know at the start of the lesson what the homework will be - a helpful strategy is to write it in the corner of the board at the beginning of the lesson and leave it there until the end. It gives the class time to process and ask questions.

If strategies to improve clarity of the task don't help, is there a homework club or prep session he could attend? My DD hates school impacting on home life and has always done her best to get all hw done at school. Homework club was helpful for this, it also meant a teacher was on hand to answer questions, nipping some of the anxiety in the bud.

I think tbh you're selling yourself short. You have identified the issues around homework and understanding.

I'd start by emailing school and explaining ds is struggling and could they suggest another alternative for ds to be sure what he has to do so you can support him.

EHCP can be for any child who's needs cannot be met with what's normally available in mainstream school. I don't know how this works with indi schools because afaik they don't get the initial Sen funding amount?

Thanks for these. I think I was feeling very alone with it all...because on the surface he looks fine.
He's recently diagnosed, although I've always known he was different, but until recently different was fine as we were coping. The anxiety is what made me get a diagnosis. It feels like since the diagnosis he's worse.
I find myself looking at home ed stuff at 1am, but that would be a last option as for him he would then have no socialisation beyond siblings (he's told me that would be fine).
Thanks for the replies.

Ask for all homework to be set in writing and in the same place by every teacher who sets homework. On a portal? On email? (not in a book that can be lost and therefore cause more anxiety) It will give him e the reassurance in the evening to go check it and he cn see what is/isn't due. This will help the school because it will improve his academic performance (even though it doesn't sound as if it neds improving), and it will help your DS find some peace in being sure he hasn't forgotten something.

If you don't get any joy, take him to an educational psychologist who can give you a report on any special needs he has (including but not limited to how they might set/communicate homework)

Hi there

I've been watching your thread as we just applied for an ehcp for my son who has aspergers and is pretty high functioning but suffers from extreme social anxiety. Anyway we found out this afternoon that we have been awarded one. So I just wanted to say do apply! There's loads of help out there to help you complete the application from the charity Kids and also a place called Family Action (think they may just be London based though). If I can help in any way let me know. Good luck, sounds like you're doing everything you can to help your son xx

Thank you so much for these replies that I've just seen. We had (well so far) a meltdown free evening tonight, and just reading these has added to my feeling of optimism.

I know you'll all know what it's like, but it felt like we'd had days and days of meltdowns and to have a happy evening makes such a difference as he is happy humming away now and his siblings have all had a good evening.

I'm on my phone so can't read the posts to remember names while typing but please if it is ok to message the poster who has had an EHCP success?

Also the final message about getting support in Y7...how did the School know to do that? He was diagnosed by a Clinical Psychologist, but the recommendations aren't specific...more general ideas like a buddying system for Y7, but nothing specific.

Getting an EP report as an addition is something I could do, I'm assuming I'd need to do that privately?

Thank you again, so good to have the benefit of others experience as I don't know anyone in RL who is in a similar situation.

Hi there

It was me who had the EHCP success. Please do PM me and I can give you my number to chat if that would help? My son is younger than yours but sounds similar in terms of profile

Me also! Well - I've just received draft!
Also willing to chat if you want. Let me know if you pm as i use app on phone so wouldn't know and need to log in via safari to get pm!

Thank you. The power of the internet for lifting spirits!

Yes I will pm the EHCP posters and will post when I've done that just in case it goes missing!

And Polter(I think!)... I think this is the problem with being out of the system in the independent sector as those connections aren't there. It is so good to hear though that the net worked for you and you had a good link between the two.

Yes another one here with a Draft Plan - a friend advised me not to mention DS was average or above academically in our application. The EP pointed it out as an area of strength. We are getting top up funding for the school to provide support. In due course we will be able to choose a secondary school which is ASD friendly rather than choosing on distance. I'm hoping this will make life easier as in a non-ASD-friendly environment the whole family has suffered! Go for it - apply!

Just to say I've sent the EHCP success stories a PM so hopefully should be in your folder. Thank you

I have been following this thread, and would be grateful if anyone who has successfully applied for an EHCP for their academically able child, could PM me. DS1 is in in Y1 and school are applying for top-up funding, but I feel as though an EHCP will be more secure in the long-term. I'm not sure what happens if the LA refuse the top-up funding, as I understand there's no mechanism to appeal such a refusal. Any thoughts welcome.

My iPad is dead but I'll charge it and look at PM later

Could I be cheeky and also ask those who've been awarded an EHCP in these circumstances to PM me too please?
I've just put in request for assessment and am feeling very nervous.

No worries x

PolterGoose could you expand on what level of top up funding your son receives and what support this translates as? Is it enough to fund a 1:1? OT recommendations etc? Presumably you have felt secure enough not to apply for an EHCP, or did it not seem to offer any additional benefits over the top up funding?

I think too much money is spent on 1-1s for children like my ds who need flexibility and adjustments but because so many schools are inflexible and unbending those 1-1s are needed to pick up the pieces.

Totally agree.
My ds has 15.5 hours in juniors but this was the basic support package and included some 1:1, lunchtime social skills support group, literacy support in groups and 1:1 and nurture group. He then got additional 1:1 of and when he needed it.

It was because the school he started at were so unbelievably inflexible and repeatedly stated they were experts in asd and this was what they did that he fell apart. It was too much to have all that and then just have a laptop and access to student service for break/lunch (which only totalled 40mins total a day.

Despite the fact he now has an EHCP for 20 hours of support he's doing so much better - because his current school give him what he needs. That is why despite everyone saying I must make the EHCP specific down to the last second I'm actually allowing the school to use the funding as they see fit. They need to help ds meet his outcomes and have to justify if he doesn't. And I totally believe things like ds joining year 9/10's on stem trips with a 1:1 have been far more useful for him than having someone say with him 1:1 in maths for example because he's fine there.