The day goes from bad to worse

[Jimjams]

And I haven't got the energy to even talk about it.

How long do SS spend in meetings anyway. They were meant to be ringing me back. Can someone tell me how to get hold of these people before I lose it totally?

Sorry to hear that JimJams.

BTW - if you discover the secret of getting through will you let me know please.

Jimjams can you not ask your gp or HV to do it for you. I am sure they will get back to you then. If not then have you thought of contacting your local mp. I rang my mp when the tax credits people were mucking about and it was over 2 months late. Funnily enough the money, and backdate, was in my bank ac the next day. This was after 6 months of an engaged tone. So I know how frustrating it can be (I know it's not the same thing though).
I just really feel for you, it must be so hard what with being pregnant as well. You could really do without this hassle right now.

jimjams ((((((()))))))) hugs from me. I would get your HV to phone for you like blossomhill says, if thats possible?

HV - good idea. And again she's right you don't need the stress of all this especially at the moment.

Oh, sit, pss and coruption Jimjams this is insane!

Is there any point in going to your gp? Tell him that if something isn't sorted you are going to colapse under the strain of this, and then 'they' will have to support you, ds1 ds2 and the baby!

I know that provision is crap, but there has to be something that can be done ffs!

Feeling inadequate beyond words but hugs to you.

You sound so, so fed-up at the moment, and I really can see why.
I wish I could transmogrify myself at your elbow and hang on the phone while you have a cup of tea with the paper. And if I lived nearer, (and didn't work ft)I'd gladly volunteer as a respite holiday carer, too.
Come and live in S London!
(Bet that's scared you - can't be bad enough for you to that, can it? )

Think hmb's idea re your own gp sounds good. You really do sound as if you have had enough....

jimjams, having just finished Charlotte Moore's book I think I got a small glimpse of what sort of summer parents of children with autism face... can't believe the crap you've got to put up with from the 'support' (yeah right) services. Do you have a carers' charity nearby that you can ask for advice? Carers' Resource maybe? God I don't know what else to suggest. Other than what others have already said - see your GP & midwife, tell them a nervous breakdown is imminent.

Good book isn't it geekgrrl - it was like reading about my life- especially as ds1 is very like Sam (right down to the washing machines) and she is using the same interventions as us. Part time ABA, diet, AIT etc.

Am just shattered today. Picked ds1 up from school and the LSA looked like I felt. DS1 has had no concentration today- and she's not getting the support she needs. We talked about the problems when a succesful activity lasts 3 minutes max- how do you fill the day up? She is so wonderful though and said she'll visit us during the holidays.

The school hasn't managed to find another LSA they are putting pressure on his current one to do it full time- but she says its too much (she's always told them she wouldn't be available full time). Why on earth they made me take him out of nursery before having something lined up? Then we wouldn't have the mess of the summer either.

SS didn't ring back. I've only just finished dealing with my MP and local councillors over the lack of SALT being provided - and his statement therefore not being met. (Last letter to them went off 2 weeks ago). Just haven't got the energy to do it all again over SS. Just want someone to sort it out for me. Think I will write - letters often seem to get a faster response. Should be doing PECS tonight ready for SALTs visit on Thursday but have no energy. Need to get to Sainsbury's to get more gluten free flour, but have something on tomorrow morning and ds1 and ds2 at home tomorrow afternoon- so no chance.
Very very very fed up. Not sure my GP will believe me- I have a reputation as a coper. I was fairly insane on the phone to SS this morning, but just got some bored "yeah, yeah?" from the woman on the other end- I could almost see her filing her nails.....

Go to your GP and be honest with him/her. Tell them that you are falling apart and that you are not cpoing.......lay it on with a trowel and then they might just help you out. I think that you have to do this, even though you are a cope, for the good of everyone concerned. Jimjams you are pregnant and you have way to much to cope with.

Please go and see your gp and cry like a maniac if that is what it needs.

Hugs

oh no I couldn't (seriously!). I did end up in tears with the LSA this afternoon- but I can't do it with the GP.

TBH these people are crap anyway. My friend ended up in tears during her SS assessment and the SW suggested she went for counselling - she needed another pair of hands ffs not couselling!. (She has a 7 year old auti dd, a 3 year old son a dh who works away- dd destroys the house- wrote on the walls when I was on the phone to her today- runs away when they go out- has some language but is far from conversational- and all they can suggest is couselling). The stupid thing is part of the reason I've avoided SS for so long is because I knew it would be more stressful dealing with them than just getting on with it.

Anyway private SALT is trying to find us some volunteers tomorrow- is going to push the great work experience angle.

The sad thing is ds1 is lovely. If you have the right support he is absolutely adorable (the LSA thinks so as well), spent about an hour cuddling up in bed this evening. But for one person is incredibly hard work- because its so hard to get and keep attention- he's not naughty - just has no attention- whether at home or school.

Oh ffs jimjams, this is awful, I'm sorry stuff is so overwhelming atm. Hey, however much of a coper you are this is all bound to be hard, especially dealing with people like SS when they don't seem to care or be interested. On the summer holiday front, I know you think your house is like a building site but still, do you think it might be worth seeing if you can get someone interested in helping with ds1 in exchange for staying with you? Would you like me to try placing some ads for you? I mean I'll write an ad, you edit and OK it, I find places to put it and get responses emailed to me, sift out any crap and send you anyone who looks OK. I'll email you off site if you think this might be a go-er as an idea.

Also I know the woman my sister works for has a lot of help and they definitely don't fund it all themselves. Do you want me to find out more? I know it's a different council etc etc but you never know.

Please Jimjams, you have to let 'them' know how bad things are. Otherwise they will just let you carry on houldering the burden on your own for most of the time. I know that they still might not be able to get anything done but they might, but that will only happen if you are honest with them about how hard things are at the moment.

And above all this is for your ds1! He is wonderful and you will be able to enjoy more wonderful cuddles together if you get the support that you need.

Please take the greatest care of yourself

Jimjams, there's no realistic way you could come and stay with us is there? I would so gladly help out, I just can't leave the children to come to you. I know there could be all sorts of added problems if he didn't like our house, but we have lots of stairs and a washing machine. Hell, I'll even put up a washing line for him. I really mean it.
xxx

I don't know www - I thought it was a really good idea the other day - and I looked on the gum tree website recommended by Davros. There were people there worth contacting, and a trained ABA tutor would be a complete godsend- but I'm not sure about having someone in our house iykwim. It could be great, but could also be a disaster and I wouldn't know which until they arrived! I'm going to see if the SALT gets anywhere will volunteers. Also now his LSA has said that she'll come round and work with him if I look after her baby I feel at least he'll be having something. She is fantastic. I'm sure she should be having a break this summer. I would definitely be interested in knowing how your sister's employers help is funded. All our money (not even spare cash- it's overdraft!) goes on our Saturday ABA tutor and the private SALT- I suspect they receive direct payments- it's what I'm hoping to get eventually- at least during holidays and that would then give me the money to pay for regular help- and I could get them to do some ABA etc with ds1.

The SW assistant who visited a few weeks ago (and then promptly disappeared) did seem to think that we should be getting something (she was good actually- really understood the issues- although I dropped ds2 headfirst off a chair whilst she weas here!!!!!), but basically she said we're not going to get it this summer. The problem I have is that I don't know the system for SS- I know the LEA really well, know who is important, who to complain to, what legal rights ds1 has and what can happen if they're not met- but with SS I really don't have a clue. I think tomorrow when I have more energy I will write to the head of children's services (the person who was meant to ring me back today) - maybe things will start to get moving. I have a feeling if I request a care assessment then they have a stautory duty to do it within 7 days.

The problem is SS is in crisis down here- they can't even protect children- a number of babies and toddler have been killed this year- it is a deprived area, so if your children aren't in immediate danger you are bottom of a very long list.

You are very kind tamum- would have to be a rotary line though

Anyway I am very tired this evening- which I'm sure hasn't helped with today so am going to go to bed. I suspect with a good night's sleep tomorrow will be better. Thank you for all your messages though- it does help. May go via another cuddle with ds1- he's not asleep yet. He's very cute- he has a cabin bed with a tent underneath- I've put a pile of pillows and duvets and books in there and he's taken to crawling in there to go to sleep.

Jimjams, I'll have a think AGAIN about the specialist press. It may just help: nothing like a journalist on the phone...

Hey, no pressure Jimjams, just let me know if you want me to do anything. If I was still in Devon I'd offer to take 'em off your hands if they turned out to not be what you wanted, but hey, we're not. OK, I'll see if I can find out more about the funding my sister's employer gets and I'll email you off board. I hope a good nights sleep helps.

Jimjams, you almost certainly do know of these people but might someone at Peach be able to help because they've been in the same position? MI, I think a journalist on the 'phone might well be a good thing.

Need to scramble my brain back into gear about it all. Jimjams, would you mind terribly emailing me just setting out the main facts - I know they're on here, but honestly my brain is not working very well at the moment...

jimjams, you have so much on your plate and I really feel for you. Agree 100% with what hmb says about making sure they know how bad things are - if you come across as a coper, then scarce resources mean they will assume you always are a coper and will leave you to get on with it. Agree again with hmb - go to your GP/HV or someone who knows you well and knows you are not messing, and make sure they know how serious this is. You are pregnant fgs!

Lots of hugs.

Jimjams - hope you're safely asleep by now. Lots of good ideas here. WHY can't you cry on your GP? I'm sure I would (and have done) - if he/she's any good there will be a box of tissues on the desk in constant use.
Will do what I can when we're down - not sure what though..
Hope things look a bit brighter in the morning - hugs.

I don't have any other suggestions but just wanted to say sorry that you've had such a sh*tty day and hope that tomorrow will be better.

And I hope SS get their backsides out of their so-called meetings and offer some help!

Was on my way up to bed and thought of you jimjams, thought I'd see if you were around and see how you wer feeling but guess you've probably crashed, hope you're ok.

Jimjams - just wanted to say hope today is better for you and you get some joy from SS... You need more help - and as jmb said if your GP is worth his/her salt (no pun...) then they should be well used to people - even copers! - having a good old sob over their desk. But in any case - you were so helpful to me last week and I just wanted to say I really really hope today is a brighter day for you. ((((()))))