Anyone else with a 5 year old excluded from school?

[reliantrobin]

I've posted here a few times before with concerns about my DS(5).

To cut a long story short he has been unhappy at school since September. He is unable to cope I think with the whole set up - the large number of children, constantly being told what to do etc. The pressure to conform becomes too much for him and leads to meltdowns (he becomes angry and will throw things), which in the past have led to him being restrained .

I think the restraining was the last straw for him - he tried to run away and made it through the security gates and onto the main road before being manhandled back to the class.

He has now been out of school for 6 weeks.

DS has been seen recently by a developmental paed - she is pretty sure that DS is not ASD (Aspergers was considered a possibility). The paed says that he is v bright and "a difficult strong minded personality" - basically his behaviour is oppositional.

Although DS is now less anxious, he will not talk about school, refuses to even look at photos of the classroom, and says that he is scared about being "dragged" (ie restrained) if he goes back.

Frankly, I feel very despondent about the whole situation. We are being visited by some lovely specialist teachers who are getting to know DS at the moment, with a view to going back into school with him and trying to integrate him successfully.

I'm happy to try this - great if it works - but I suspect DS now has such negative feelings about the school that it may now be too late.

Has anyone been in this situation before? Any ideas about what will happen if the re-integration is unsuccessful?

Thanks.

Hi reliantrobin

First of all {{{hugs}}} This is really horrible for you. When Ds started school in 2004 he was only just 4 and he had very similar problems. Our school were really useless and made things much worse. In the end I pulled him out of school and put him back in preschool at the end of jan 2005. We got him statemented and the LEA agreed to backyear him and he started another school again from the beginning in sept 2005.

I know that the options are different for you as your ds is already 5 but i wanted to reassure you that with the right support reintergration can work. Ds is doing really well and school now and they are planning to move him into his real year group in sept He has f/t 1:1 at school which has made all the difference to him and these days most people wouldn't pick him out of the class as different.

He doesn't have a dx and is unlikely to get one but I am sure he is on the autistic spectrum and the paed is inclined to agree with me.

Ds had very negative feeling about school and I was extremely worried when he started school again but because he was somewhere new and had such good support he was ok.

Ds hates being restrained too

Awww, poor him, what a terrible thing to happen, no wonder it put him off.
Did the teachers not just lead the other chn away from ds rather than manhandle him, imo, this is what they should be doing, remove his audience/distractions before any "restraining". (It's happened to me in a classroom btw, a child throwing chairs, I led the others out ofhis way. Thought this was accepted good practise)What training have they had? did you know that this was stheir policy before it happened? and what did you think of it?

Don't know the rest of your situ, but from what you said I would be keen to move him and start afresh. A smaller school perhaps? (easier said than done I know) He is going to find it incredibly hard to trust them ever I think.(and I don't blame him)

Hope someone isalong with more advice soon

Have you asked the LEA to assess him?

Hi Amynnixmum and Yellowvan,

I think the school realise that they have not really dealt with DS very well - they have been told by the inclusion service not to restrain DS again unless absolutely necessary and there is no alternative.

They have arranged for "de-esclation" training for the school - but as you say Yellovan I'm not sure that DS will ever trust them again.

Amynnixmum - an application has been made for a statement but I'm not really confident about our prospects of success. It seems so difficult to actually get a statement these days that I wonder if we will really get one for DS when he has no particular diagnosis?

If we do get the statement is it portable? ie if we do move DS to a different school would we have to do the whole thing again?

Thanks ladies.

I don't have any experience, but just wanted to add that i think your ds is always going to associate going back to the school with being "dragged", which will in turn remind him of how he behaved and can't be a good thing if the memory is so negative. Its difficult to imagine your ds settling back in, expecially after the long break. I think that the fact he has been unhappy since September tells you anyway that maybe it isn't the right school for him, apart from the incident. It is difficult when they can't tell you why, but I think us parents know our kids best and can tell when something needs to change. Good luck

The statement is completely portable as it is for your child and not the school. It is hard to get one but you just have to fight for it - and don't let them tell you he can't get one without a dx because he can. Ds has one and will probably never get a formal dx as he is now doing so well but his problems when he first started school were so extreme that the LEA agreed he needed the help. DS is a prime example of how important good support is. 2 years ago i had to take him out of school as it was obvious that the head was building a case to permanently exclude him but now he is doing really really well