Sometimes I blame myself...

[Airen]

DS is 4 years old and has an ASD. I had Pre-natal depression during my pregnancy with him and was prescribed AD's, which I didn't take (didn't want to admit to myself that I really needed them and was afraid that they might affect DS, even though my GP told me they were safe). Pre-natal depression turned into PND and eventually average depression.

I often wonder if DS isn't autistic, but just odd due to me being so depressed during pregnancy and the first few years of his life. I've had a few raised eye-brows from teachers and health professionals when I've mentioned his DX but they all agree that there is something different about him.

Most of the time I tick along ok, get on with what needs to be done, get upset when I think about how things might have been etc..., but occasionally I wonder if I did this. Tonight is one of those nights and I'm choked up and want to get it out in the open. Does anyone else have this guilty feeling?

(Have name-changed)

Hi

to you

What tou're experiencing is perfectly normal, its part of the mourning / bereavement process we all have to go through when a child is DX with SN, and although we all experience it differently, guilt and @did I do this?' is a common factor. Please know that it is a normal feeling. Its something I have experienced with both of my SN children.

If he ahs a formal DX, these aren't handed out on a palte you know, and theya re reliable. Obviously if you have real doubts about it you can ask for a second opinion, but dont base that on a few raised eyebrows- they're the norm I'm afraid, so many people havethis stereotyped image of the ASD childas at the very most severe end of the spectrum and don't understand the whole concept of a spectrum at all.

I am wonering if you would get benefit from attending a support group, or perhaps making contact with the NAS if you haven't done so, as they run courses and have regionsal workers who can visit the famillies fo children with a dx.

I had the same feelings about ds2 at first - that it was all my fault - now the same with dd. I know it's not true but I think that thought does enter your head. I don't think depression in you can cause special needs in your child hun.