feeling so low today

[lourobert]

This could probably go in the relationship or depression thread but thought Id post it here. I dont feel like Im copng at the moment, I feel so uptight and just as I think im coming to terms with my son and his special neds I get a set back. I cant handle the constant worry about him and I dont see how that can will ever change.

I feel trapped, lonely and isolated. My partner and I are good friends but nothing more but I really need him right now- cant cope with everything on my own. DOnt want to worry my mum wih all this and my friends dont do 'heavy things'

I love my son dearly and I cant cope with seeing him poorly all the time. I just feel so so low

So sorry that you are feeling so low. It's a horrible feeling isn't it when everything seems so black and heavy.

I can understand you not wanting to worry your mum but your friends should be there for you, whatever. Thats what friends are for and they might surprise you in wanting to help if you ask them.

Someone with more experience in special needs will be along for you soon I'm sure.

You won't be alone for long on here.

Sorry you are feeling so bad. Is your partner not wanting to be supportive or does he not realise how low you are feeling? Can you talk to him about it - even if you are just good friends , he should be there for you. Sorry not much useful to say but wanted to let you know I'd read it, and I wish I could be of more use.

lourobert, have you been to your gp? your little boy is still very young, of course it will be diffciult to come to terms with

All i can say is it does get easier, but that takes time (and also a bit of counselling in my case)

Of course you love him xx (I am FioFio xx)

I have been to my GP but ti think it might be time to go and have a chat again tbh.

my partner is very supportive with my ds and he triesd ot be with me but I know he feels the pressue too so dont want to burden him further.

I think a really selfish part of me misses feeling special as me and my partner have neglected eachother for too long and my son cant hug me or anything like I hoped he would be able to by now....does that make any sense?

of courseit makes sense we all had a picture in our heads of how things should be. It is so hard to come to terms with the fact that things are so uncertain and not how you imagined.

You must talk to your partner though. You most probably both need each other, afterall you are the only people who really know what each other is going through. Go to your gp aswell. Would you consider counselling or do you feel its too early?

When my daughter was your ds's age I used to think it should have all happened to someone else, that I couldnt cope and everyone else could cope much better. I even used to think about walking out the door and never coming back I wish I had gone to my gp. I really needed to tbh!

I think its hard aswell because when they are so young you really do not have that much contact with other parents who have children with similar needs. Which makes you feel so alone and as if it is only YOU it is happening to.

I think i could walk out right now and that makes me feel so guilty!!! I did 6 weeks of counselling and it was crap- didnt help whatsoever- I ve heard you get more out of it if you actually pay for it???!? WOuldnt rule it out again.

I dont really think 'why me' so much anymore- guess this is the crying stage of greif im going through. It feels like i have nothing to look forward to and I know thats not really true.

I just dont see how people go through this and come out the other end?

You need some one to talk to

to be able to offload without them interuppting or saying sily things!

I often can't talk to my DH about things as I don't want to upset him (I am a lot more negative than him) When Ellie was so ill we couldn't support each other as we were both hurting so much

If you still have my e mail ad, feel free to e mail away, its good sometimes be able to 'chat' and just let it all out and instead of getting the response of "Oh things will get better " "Oh he will be ok" you just want some one to recognise how blummin hard it is

You really sound like me when I first joined here (sorry lol lol) Please do e mail me and sound off.

Annie bear. I will definatly take you up on that offer. I still have your email addy at work.

thanks (((hugs)))

My DH and me also struggle with our relationship, we love each other

But are just too tired all the time and I am either stressed or depressed so its hard going

I hate saying this to you, as you can't imagine it at the moment, but hopefully it will get easier

It has for me, although it is still hard.

But I used to go and check on the girls at night and cry every single night looking at Ellie asleep. Every night. Just cry as I felt bad she had got Meningitis (even though I know its not my fault) I cried because I felt so sorry for her, because I felt sorry for me, etc etc

I just wanted the Ellie that should have been although I loved this one also"

But then gradually one night I realised I hadn't cried every night that week, maybe I had cried 3 times, then only once

I still do it sometimes but thats normal

sorry for waffling, trying to help but not much good at it!!

I do really mean it about e mailing me

you won't upset me at all, everything you are thinking about and are worrying about I wil have thought of and worried about also!!!

Sometimes I have e mailed an on line friend and you can really just tell them everything
I think knowing you can cry and type and you are not going to bump into them next week helps!!!!

anniebear- Just got out of the bath feeling refreshed and started again reading your post. I know itll get easier. I think back to the day of Louis dx and its got easier since then. He was in hospital sat night and we were in the same room we were in when we got Louis dx and our world came crashing in, it brought all that raw emotion back.

I love it when Louis is asleep as I look at him and hes 'normal' just a 'normal' little boy asleep and hes perfect.

It will hepl to email you and I certainly will like you say cant embarrass myself infront of somone Ive never met.....thanks

And Annie bear you do help....honestly. I think I would have cracked by now if people like you werent there to answer my posts so dont think you dont help!!!

you wouldnt embarrass yourself anyway! Its just nice being able to type away to some one you are not going to meet and also has probably had all the thoughts and feelings you have

Lourobert
Sorry you feel so low at the moment.
DH & I deal with things very differently, I want to know every detail about ds2 & he wants to know the basics but is better at just playing with ds than me, so I do all his appnts. It does mean we tend not to talk about ds2 disabilities too deeply together.
I have found our local sn opportunity group very helpful, they are there more as support for the parents than the children.
I've often turned up just to have a coffee & pour my heart out to the staff.
My HV put me in touch, do you have anything similar you can try. It is sometimes easier to talk to someone not too close to home.

we had a fantastic special needs toy library near us

It was such a support to me in Ellies pre school days

Is there nothing similar near you?

There is a to library that are meant to be fab and i just havent had the time to go, i actaully think they are near us one the days I work. my son goes to a special needs nursery and there was a coffee morning recently which i was excited about but there was only me and Louis and another lady with her daughter who turned up.

Maybe ill contact my hv or speak wioth people see if theres any other support groups out there. Actually portage, SALT and OT are coming round home today so ill see if they know of anything.