Need help, not sure what to do

[SocksBoatsAndQats]

So ds1 has been referred for an autism assessment. To be honest, ever since he started year one his behaviour has become more and more erratic and almost manic.

Examples include random squealing, being unpredictable in public, sense of personal space and boundaries is getting worse as well. I literally flinch when he comes near me as he has a really manic squealing flailing thing he does when he's excited, it's quite overwhelming. Most distressingly he's started to punch himself and headbutt the sofa. He has always been excitable but nothing like this.

At school on Friday there was an incident which I felt was really blown out of proportion. The ins and outs of the incident (can't say as it's outing) were never really communicated to me, and I had the school ringing me going off on one saying that I needed to keep an eye on my child better for his own protection. I was speaking to another Mum whilst he was playing with other children in the corner of my eye line when the incident took place. The parent of the other child spoke to me in the playground but didn't even relate to me the ins and outs of it all. Just told me a watered down version of events before going to the school. I only got the full story when I spoke to my child at the end of the school day.

I'm so upset, I feel like the school went behind my back and basically had me on the backfoot without allowing me to advocate or even have a say in how they handled things with regards to ds.

I've sent an email complaining about the handling of the situation. But what do I do? I feel like the school have basically painted me as this no good parent and my child as some sort of issue to be handled like a bomb.

I don't trust them, they treated me like a pariah during that phone call. I feel like they robbed me and disempowered me as a parent. Whilst I kind of understand why they acted as such, it has enraged and upset me in a way that's left me reeling and raw.

This is kind of my straw moment I feel, I suppose I'm not even sure what I need to do. I've asked for a referral through the GP after he started lashing out, the school have a referral in. Where do I go from here?

The key thing is to regard the school as your ally rather than your enemy. So you acknowledge the behaviour is unacceptable, tell them the steps you have made to help e.g. the GP referral but then firmly put in back in their court and ask what support they can give to prevent the incident happening again.

So the school needs to be identifying triggers and then putting in support to help avoid these e.g. placement in the classroom, extra adult support at problem times. You could ask for an OT assessment (sensory needs), EP assessment (behavioural or academic issues) or several areas have outreach support services for children with an ASC to help advise schools on strategies. Our breakthrough moment was understanding the behaviour is down to anxiety rather than naughtiness.

I think maybe your anger is unreasonable and displaced.

You are upset and angry at the possible diagnosis of your DC and you're finding his behaviour distressing.

Without knowing exactly what happened it's difficult to comment but I'm assuming it involved him lashing out at another child, which is never acceptable, no matter what SNs your DC has.

As the previous poster said, don't make enemies of the staff, they are the people who will be able to help you most, going forward.