Settling back into school after a half term

[TeeCee]

Anyone else find they go back a few steps after a half term in terms of them re-testing boudaries at school?

DD1 spent most of the week at a playscheme while I worked. She loves it there. She loves anything where she is allowed to do what she wants, no rules to abikde by, no structe to the day really, she can just play with what she wants when she wants.

This week at school she has been really difficult when she's been asked to work on an acheivable task. She's stuck her heels in and she's shouted and just really not cooperated at all. It didn't get better as the week went on or anything.

Feel exhausted with her and her teacher feels worn down and fristrated and as she put it it's holding DD1 back and drawing attention to herself with the other kids.

I just feel so sad about it all.
Why does she make it so difficult for herself, why is she this way and will it ever end, will she ever become sweet and obident, I can't see it.

Oh, my love

She is hugely sweet, but obedience might not come naturally to her because you are her mum and she is as fab and feisty as you.

I'm sorry you've had a tough week - I think that it's hard to settle back for any child - heck, I find it hard going back to work after I've had time off even now!

Loads of love - and see you soon x x x

Hmm tricky one TC- sweet and obedient might not be on the cards unfortunately. How do the school deal with challenging behaviours? It's essential that they know what they're doing or they can unintentionally escalate situations- that went on a lot when ds1 was in ms as they just didn't have the training/understanding to cope. Unfortunately I had no idea until my spy (ds1's private SALT) went in and eventually plucked up the courage to tell me that I had to do something or we were going to have real problems on our hands. Shouting and not cooperating isn't reallly naughty, it just goes with learning difficulties, but it needs to be repsonded to carefully to ensure it doesn't become a learned response iyswim.

You sound like you have good communication going on, which is essential. Do they have any one else they can call on to come in and advise, usually there are behavioural teams etc, or outreach of some sort. Some Ed Psychs can be good, and clinical Pyschs should be able to be called on as well.

Thanks hunker.

JimJams, ohhhhhh you're so great, do you know that.

Say here in floods of tears and I don't eally know why but can't stop!

I have utter faith in her NEB, she's young (early 30's) but very experienced and patient and kind and firm. However the advice re the Ed Psychs is a really good one and I'll suggest this to her on Mon.
She really does seem to know what she is doing but if she's feeling fristrated some advice and support would be great for her. She said to me she lay in bed last night thinking what she could do It has been a really bad week. she was lovely and told me not to worry and that it would be ok etc but said she didn't want to hide anything from me and wanted always to totally unfront anf truthful at all times. Maybe she could see my face get greyer and more drained than it already was?!

DP on his way to get fish n chips, can't face cooking, maybe that will cheer me up.

aww don't cry. Her LSA does sound good! There will be lots she can do, it's just getting access to the good advice. I do know how you feel. I used to dread picking ds1 up every day. I remember one morning walking away and seeing him climbing up on the table and all the class laughing at him. I got to the car and bawled (was pregnant with ds3 as well!). Knowing now that when I send him to school there is nothing he can do that will faze them or that they can't cope with was like a huge weight off my shoulders. So many people said to me when he switched that I no longer looked ill, and it was down to all the worry about his behaviour going. I used t get told how badly behaved he'd been, now I get told how good he is, and how smiley. His behaviour is just as hideous (ahem challenging) as its always been it's just there's space for it now iyswim, room for him to be who he is.

My friend's dd is in mainstream (primary) - and she has some challenging behaviours (shouting/screaming etc- usual sort of stuff) and it has worked well for them because the LSA is very good and can deal with it (not sure the rest of the school can!), so it can work even with only one person on the ball so to speak. She's coming up to secondary age now and will transfer to special school soon, but her primary years have gone well- despite her general feistyness, with a good LSA she's had room to be who she is without any problems. But LSA's do need some support- it can be an isolated job, courses, and outside input can really help.

Hormones arfe buggers!

Fish n chips arrived so will come back in a bit, x

So sorry for you over this - it's horrid with difficulties at school because you can have so little influence over it.

On the positive side, I think it's really good that her NEB (not sure what that stands for but get the gist of what she is!)is upfront and honest with you and that she lies awake in bed thinking about it. It's much better for you to know exactly what's going on even if it's not good and at least you know she is really committed to trying to find solutions. I agree with JJ that good communication is key and you seem to have that well in place.

I hope you find that your DD1 settles down once she gets back into the swing of things and things don't look so bleak next week.

Enjoy the fish and chips .

Fish n chips great

Well I'm going to have another chat Monday with her teacher and suggest the she spk to the Ed Psych and then see how we go. Maybe if things don't improve I'll have to rethink things altoghether????? Hope it doesn't come to that, I love the school, th kids and the teachers and think that if she can just learn to do as she is asked a bit more and not shout then it'll be the best thing for her. God I hope she realises that her life is so much easier if she just toes the line a bit.

I said to her that I was sad becasue she had shouted at school today and that now she wouldn't be able to watch a DVD and then all the way home in the car she was tellign Eve "Charlotte naughty, Charlotte shout, no shout, cross, sad, sad, no shout, shout finish now Eve, Charlotte naughty' and then she laughed!

Oh that's so frustrating - Ds2 does that all the time - he'll do something minor and then I'll say stop and he'll follow me round the house saying "That was naughty wasn't it Mummy, that was naughty" like it's a great achievement.

And all night last night and all this morning we practised saying 'yes Miss X' when she was asked to do anything and I talked to her calmly and nicely about how little girls don't shout and it made miss X sad when she shouted and that if Miss X was happy then Charlotte was happy. And she kept sayign 'no shout, Miss X happy'. We do this everytime we have a bad day. Fat lot of good it does.

Do you think social type stories would work at all - maybe actually taking photos at school and telling a story about when DD1 was good at school, emphasising nice behaviour and how pleased the teacher was etc? Ds2 laps up photo stories about himself although I'm not sure they influence him much in real life .

The other approach may be not to mention it at all, so as not to reinforce the idea in her head that she could shout. Sometimes we find with Ds2 it is better to ignore it completely because he can't seem to help himself if the idea gets into his head.

It will probably get better now TC, although you can't guarantee it, but when we think things are soooo bad they suddently improve I find.
It is great that the NEB/LSA is so honest with you and you have such a good relationship. Just think if no-one told you or trusted you. I agree that support for her would be great, even though she doesn't need it all the time everyone needs it now and then. How are the strategies for Lottie's communication and do they need a refresher?
I was wondering, as Lottie goes to m/s school, whether the holiday scheme is one for SN? Maybe that would be worth looking into if not, it could help with the deterioriation in behaviours during holidays and she's getting the m/s exposure the rest of the time.
Please the F&C went down well, just had a top Chinese!

I like that idea Saker and am definately going to suggest that on Mom. Visual things work well with DD1.

You may have a point re not talking about it with her as well actually, worth thinking about.

Thanks

Hi Davros. Mmmmmmmm Chinese, YUM.

The payscheme is mixed and has a large no of children with various SN's.

I'm hoping this week is a really bad just beacuse it's settling back in week and retesting boundaries again and we'll have a better week next week.

Here's hoping

Well I hope she settles down more next week, I expect she will as she gets back into the swing of things.

I'm sure its just that our kids often "react" more to having "too much" free time! Although DS has calmed down a lot and we can hang around the house, he was AWFUL on the Sunday at the end of half term and then a few days after. Coincidence? Hmmm, I don't think so. He was so bad I had to take him home from a mixed sn/ms sports session we go to regularly. He is fine now I'm pleased to say but you always think its going to last, no matter how many times you've seen it before. Let us know how next week goes.

Todaqy was a better day. She still shouted but her teacher has devised a new way of doing a reward chart.

Basically she starts with her rewards and gets 4 chances, if she keeps shouting she is shown that a reward is then removed from the chart. It really seemed to click with her unlike the previous way of rewarding good behaviour.

It makes sense. Good behaviour should be the norm so not rewarded but shouting / bad behaviour is something that happens and then she can see a reward being taken away.

Hopefully it'll really start sinking in and help improve things, for a while anyway.

I'm glad it went a bit better. I hope the new system helps as well. I am impressed with her teachers, that they are thinking up different ways to try and help her rather than just being negative or expecting you to magic up a solution.

Thanks Saker. Her teacher is really, truly wonderful.

She lay awake thinking of things and spent her Sunday making this new chart where Lottie loses rewards for bad behaviour rather than gains stars for good behaviour.

She's an angel; the teacher that is!