Selective mutism?

[wevecomeonholidaybymistake]

DS has AS. He's very chatty with us, well he talks at us about his interests and asks constant questions.
He rarely speaks to people he doesn't know or doesn't know well. He won't speak in front of the class but chats to his friends quite happily.
He had a supply teacher he'd never seen before and wouldn't answer his name at registration and he only speaks to the teachers if they ask him a question in the lesson.
I've witnessed him totally ignoring the senco in meetings, even when asked questions he just nodded his head. Everyday she says good morning to him and he ignores her.
Is this selective mutism? My FIL thinks it's rudeness but I disagree.

Is he shy in general? With new people?

He ignores new people. He has no interest in interacting with other children other than his handful of friends. If another child approaches him he just walks off.

Dd3 was diagnosed with SM last week. The Speech and language therapist asked her if she is able to tell people that she is unwell or hurt or needs help. She isnt and never has been. She was able to be honest with the therapist and along with some other stuff that she had written about feeling like she has a barrier in between thinking what she wants to say and actually being able to say it there was enough evidence to diagnose her.

She is 14 and also has Asd and has been out of school for 18 months.

How old is he? Does he get lots of additional support in school? I wouldn't worry too much if he is verbal when he needs to be.. for example you say he will answer a direct question from a teacher he knows. I wouldn't think he was being consciously 'rude' or selectively mute... he may grow to be chattier if in a safe environment like school with new people...he obviously needs time to build up trust?

He's 10. He has some things in place at school but they don't really help. He misses school some days as he's too anxious to go in.
If he hurts himself at break he won't tell anyone, he's come home with cuts and bruises and when I've asked why they weren't sorted he just says he didn't want to go to first aid or tell anyone.

Personally, I think if he is struggling now in primary, things could get a whole lot worse in secondary.

When they are moving around from class to class soetimes they will only see some teachers for an hour a week or even a fortnight if the school runs a two week timetable! Kids who are struggling to build relationships with staff can flounder and things can go wrong.

Can you self refer to Speech and language in your area, in my area the NHS salts wont diagnose SM, they kept telling us we needed a clinical psych (and they are like gold dust), we went private in the end.

I'm dreading secondary to be honest.
We're in the middle of 2 terms of a support plan so we can apply for an EHCP after Easter. I know he won't cope at secondary, he can barely cope now.
Will look into speech and language, am willing to go private if necessary.

my son is 10 and exactly the same, many times he has hurt himself at school and not told anybody. He was badly bullied because he did not speak or tell anybody about it. i found out when he had a big meltdown and ripped his clothes off and into pieces in the headmasters office.my son has ASD aspergers social anxiety ,eating disorder and selective mutism, He has a couple of teachers at school now that he feels he can talk to and school will ring me if he seems upset. i am dreading senior school. He also had school refusals but seems ok at the moment. he is never good after half term though as his anxiety is on a high level. we cope day by day its not easy . i hope that you can get support . the ot was good and wrote a plan for us for the school to follow to ease his anxiety but some days he is more anxious than others not sure always of the triggers although i try to work it out

zzzzz they say we need to have evidence of 2 terms of support not working or the LA will refuse to assess.
He has massive anxiety around school, we're waiting on camhs to do some support strategies with him.

The legal test for whether a child should be assessed is

The child has or may have special educational needs
And/or
The child needs provision over and above that which is normally provided in schools (or words to that effect)

The 2 terms thing is local policy and that law always trumps policy.

Check out the IPSEA website for clear guidance.

Good luck

I think they'll apply after Easter, if not I definitely will.
I don't really know what else they can do tbh. He masks very well there.
He's allowed to work outside the classroom when needed and eat his lunch in a quiet room. They're looking into to getting him a special desk to block out other people/noise.
The trouble is he finds the whole environment very stressful. He "copes" as in he doesn't cause them any bother, but his refusal to attend is picking up.
He's very bright too which means the Ed Psych won't see him.

He's Year 5.

There are no suitable special schools in our county. All require a child to have learning difficulties, which he doesn't.
There is a school in a neighbouring county which does GCSEs etc. One mainstream near us has a "nurture unit" that may help but it's a Catholic school and oversubscribed.

I'm trying to keep school on side after a rocky few months. They're being very understanding about his attendance so I'm scared to rock the boat.

I've not spoken to the secondary schools yet. Tbh I feel very lost with it all.

I'm not confident we'll get the EHCP but I'm willing to fight it.

Things were very rocky with the school but recently have improved so definitely trying to be nice and just the right amount of arsey!

Thanks for your help zzzz will get on with it after half term.

Sounds just like my DD - almost 6. She has Selective Mutism which is an anxiety and often sensory related too. She is being assessed for ASD (poss aspergers traits).
Not rudeness. The SMIRA group on Facebook is good and recommend the SMRM (selective Mutism resource manual).

Also, I believe SM can commonly co exist with Aspergers.