Am I kidding myself?

[monica2]

Feel really guilty posting here, as I used to be a regular on SN, but things have been going so well for a while, I haven't needed the fantastic support I have needed in the past!
I have recently returned to my original career after a 5 year break since dd now 11, was dx with AS, and I am enjoying being back in the real working world far more than I anticipated. As expected it has effected dd who has made huge progress during the last 12 months/so. (During the last 5 years I have fought to get her lots of different interventions: OT, sensory integration, Physio, playground intervention, social stories, 1-1 in mainstream!, bio medical stuff,ongoing ASD outreach support, speech and language, as well as RDI which is a homebased programme with a USA consultant) DD has progressed far more than we could ever have dreamed of, but her change of routine etc are now having an impact. Half of me wants to continue to pursue something "for me" yet half of me thinks I should be grateful for her huge progress and I am mad do be doing anything that impacts negatively on this. Some of her behaviours recently, are her old autistic behaviours we have worked so hard to help her with, and I am now asking myself why am I doing something that is "undoing" all this?
Sorry this is so long but she had a major meltdown on Sunday (usually only down to about 1 per month) she is whistling constantly (her latest stim) and I have just walked into her room to find 65 different pictures lined up all made from hundreds of tiny beads!!
Am I kidding myself that I can have a career AND a SN child/or do I carry on and pursue in hope that things will settle down? How and do other career mums of SN children make it work?

Hi Monica

You sound like you have worked really hard and your dd has made fantastic progress.

I am a salt with people with learning disabilities and whilst it is a gross generalisation,in the main,the families that seem happiest are the ones where the needs of the child with sn are not always the most important thing. Everyone else in a family deserves to have a life and goals and dreams.

I have also seen families operate very succesfully where they have periods of intense intervention and work with a child and then periods of relative relaxation.
Don't be too hard on yourself. You cant and shouldn't live your entire life for and around your child's needs.

I agree with moondog.

I've started preparing (over the last 2 years) to work outside the home from this autumn. I couldn't work F/T, but P/T helps keep me sane. Go for it- she'll settle down, and I'm pleased to hear she's doing so well.

Agree with moondog...particularly that last sentence
Your dd sounds like she is doing brilliantly . Maybe this phase would have come on anyway...perhaps it's not down to your change in routine?

Another thing (which we were discussing today at work) is that often it seems that kids with special needs aren't allowed 'off' days or funny moods and phases.

It is so easy to pathologise every little thing.

There's a lot to be said for just letting people be sometimes.

Moondog, thank you for putting things in perspective for me, I think also going back to work has enabled me to do this too (which I needed but hadn't anticipated) I think I have certainly been guilty of being too intense over dd, although we do allow her time to be who she is, however, it sometimes feels worse if we know it's down to my actions IFYWIM.

JJ good to hear from you, I have taken a part time postion, but have had to do 3 weeks full time training initially, which hasn't helped, however my intention is to go full time within 6 months, as it is the only way to progress in my field. We are interviewing a part time nanny tomorrow (dh is off atm) so I anticipate things may get worse before/if they improve.
How did Floor time pan out btw (still really interested in that!)

ds1 had gone a bit past floortime (he;s kind of good at relating- his main problems are in non existent speech and a severe language disorder). Decided therefore that he needed more structure. We're running a part time Growing Minds (cross between Lovaas and VB) programme now focussing on imitation (which finally after all these years has clicked perfectly) and now working on oral imitation and attempting speech sounds. Also working on communication receptive language skills etc. Now he has imitation I feel for the first time speech is a possibility, so giving it a big push alongside the other stuff, if it comes it comes, if it doesn't- well at least we tried.

Good luck with the nanny etc- I've just taken on some after school people in the hope that it'll provide some flexibility for me to be able to stay out past 3.30pm!\

I'd definitely persue something for you. I'm far nicer when i get out and have my own time.

Good luck with your job Monica, I definitely think you should pursue it. I think this is something that can be hard for all children at first if they have been used to having their mother at home all the time, but in a way it's part of them growing up and getting a bit more independent too. I hope it works out well.