My husband needs some counselling

[doesmybumlookbiginthis]

Hi Can anyone give me some advice. I have a 6 yr old son with DS. My husband is struggling just now accepting this and seems to be a liitle depressed. I think he needs to talk to someone about this but we dont know who would be best. Any ideas? Apart from this he is a fantastic dad and nobody else would suspect that he is struggling.
Thanks

Hi! I'm sure a lot of dads (and mums) get depressed when a child has problems. My dh certainly did, and it got quite severe before he realised what was going on. He is having counselling now, and it is working really well, he is learning how to accept having a disabled child (ds is nearly 8yo with cerebral palsy).

Firstly he went to the GP, they have a counsellor on site, but the waiting list is quite long, but at least there's no fee. My dh decided not to wait, and found a counsellor by searching on the net, he wanted someone who understands the subject of disability. He found someone in the area quickly, and talked to her on the phone first to establish what kind of counselling it would be (there's different types, and a good type is cognitive behaviour therapy). It does cost a lot, but he finds it is worth it.

I think that fewer mums get severely depressed because we talk to each other whereas men "bottle it up" and that leads to trouble. I thinks men could form a mens group (pub visit for example) to specifically do talking therapy and learn that loads of other parents struggle with disabled children too. I do believe there are such groups around the country. Not sure how to find one though unfortunately.

Hope this helps, I'll talk some more if you wish.

Hello.

Agree with what twoisplenty has written re men bottling things up. I also think a lot more attention is given to the mother in the first instance - I had midwives, HV, GP etc all looking out for me after DD's diagnosis. He didn't get much of a look in - was trying to be strong and supportive for me AND still working his cacky stressful job ... he cracked after a year or so. Counselling worked for him. Would your husband go and talk to the gp? You could go with him for support. Anti - depressants may also help but I think combination of talking therapies / medicine works best.

Also, are you in touch with any other families in similar circumstances? So that yr dh could talk to other dads in the same boat? He might not feel up to it straight away but I also think that's a good way of coping with the more negative thoughts and not feeling so alone. I got chatting to a mom with a child with similar diagnosis / probs to my dd and we arranged to meet at a pub with our dh's. OK, they're not on the phone to each over all the time (like we girlies are - lol) but they can talk to each other / support each other as needed.

Hi again. That's a really good idea imo to get dads together to talk, especially if its a good friend in a similar situation. We girls from the special school occasionally get together for a natter and it is so refreshing. I once suggested to the school to get dads together at the pub to do the same, but no response - that's the problem with men, they just don't like to be seen to be emotional or showing a "weakness" whereas of course we women know it isn't weak, talking therapy is the best!