I have been reading the SN posts here for a couple of weeks and think you are all marvellously helpful and knowledgable...and I need some support, please.
Background: DS1 is 13. HFA/Aspergers DX (DX at age 4). Mainstream primary; very good with him as it was small and had family feel and they were good at using their common sense in their approach to any difficulties. Unfortunately this means that he was never even assessed for a statement. He has gone on to the local mainstream secondary school. Transition was ok. Some support in Year 7 (Key Worker, daily homework club, could and often did spend free time in the SEN area). Year 8; key worker removed without notice or discussion, can but won't access homework club, can but won't access SEN dept, more and more absences from 'feeling poorly' and now we are entering proper school refusal - it's only been refusal this last week, but faking illness surely has to be a similar thing..?
We have had limited support up until now as resources, services, funding etc is poor, waiting lists are soul destroying and DS 'copes' where I guess others don't.
Well I've properly had enough.' Coping is not good enough!! He ought to be thriving, that's what every child deserves!! I feel as though I have failed DS for leaving it until now to really push for what he ought to have, but I can't go back in time so it is what it is.
What I really want for him is to be at a school where he will learn about his ASD and learn how to live positively with it. This is NEVER going to happen in a mainstream school; it's not about setting up a social skills group that he can go to (which he won't), he needs immersing in a culture where ASD is as much of a focus as a traditional curriculum.
So I want him to go to an HFA specific school that has amazing pastoral care, not too big or too small and has a 'traditional' curriculum (he is bright and keen, but underachieving). Boys school would be ok, mixed might be better. Needs to be a day school, but occasional boarding option would be great for building independence in a less scary way. His behaviour at school has always been impeccable, but behaviour at home has always been fairly appalling, so i'm thinking that a school with a significant number of children with behaviour issues would not be a good idea (I feel like a right cowbag saying that...)
We are in Warwickshire. A move for a really great school is not out of the question (but we also have DS2 who is pretty settled here). I have searched and found Swalcliffe Park, Alderwasley Hall, Bredon School...others too but I feel like i'm sinking and can't focus on the important bits.
I know I need to start with an EHCP assessment, but then I start thinking that I am being stupid because everybody knows that LAs stand in the way of even the most desperately struggling children and we don't stand a chance.
Am I being ridiculous???