Feeling isolated due to ds's Aspergers. What, if anything, can I do?

[Aloha]

Am finding the whole school thing a bit hard atm. His teacher and the learning support staff have been great recently - really taken stuff on board and are helping him and recognising his many talents as well as his difficulties etc and he is doing well.
However, I feel really out of the loop because of his Aspergers and I feel really raw and hurt because of it.
For example, he went to a party on Sunday. That was great, he enjoyed it a lot because there was an magician, which he loves, so it was very structured. I was delighted he was invited, though I suspect a lot of it is because he has a September birthday and I had a party at my house right at the beginning of reception to which I invited all the children in his class at the time, so ensuring reciprocal invitations. However, there is a very active going back for tea/to play circuit in his class from which ds is emphatically not included. As all the other parents arrived to pick up from the party there was a big flurry of 'Oh, we must get Sam and Joe together this week!' 'Yes, great, Friday?' etc and I just stood there blinking away tears! Ds never gets invited and when I pluck up courage to ask someone (three times so far) and said, 'I know ds would love it if X could come and play one day, maybe next weeek?' I have got, 'Oh, yes, lovely. It would be nice to arrange something sometime', but nothing else is ever said or arranged. I don't want to force some poor unwilling kid or even an unwilling parent to pitch up at our house, so I don't know what to do. I feel under HUGE pressure because the paed who diagnosed ds said to me something like, 'It will be your job to create a social life for your ds'.
SO please, parents of other children who are dyspraxic, aspergers etc in mainstream, how do you cope? Does it get better as they get older, or - heaven help me - worse? Or do I just need a rhino hide?

I really do feel for you Aloha, as I feel similar. I have hardly told anyone except family, headteacher and one or two very, very close friends about DS.
I would be terrified that another child would say something to DS if I started telling other parents and that makes me feel physically sick.
I know what you mean about "peeled". I always think of myself as "taut" with regard to DS, like an elastic band pulled very "taut". As in pull me much more & I'll snap.

It's comforting to know there are people out there who feel as I do. Yes, Bugsy, it makes me feel sick too
I do appreciate all the comments, even if I don't feel hugely further forward. Thank you all.

Aloha

So sorry you are feeling this way. How long ago was it that ds got his dx? My dd got hers last June and it has hit me more than I thought it would. Like your ds for so long it was a language disorder with AS "traits" and when the AS became a final dx it did hurt loads. On the other hand I was relieved as I knew what I was dealing with.
For me now with dd at 7.5 I am so happy that she does now have a social life.
As my dd is in a unit her 2 best friends are boys with similar difficulties to her and she has been to play there. I actually feel anxious about dd playing at other people's house, infact terrified. Thankfully with her friend's the mums do understand.
Nowadays dd does do quite a bit. On Wednesdays she goes to the sn swimming with my dh and ds and have made friends there. She also goes to a special needs Beavers and then on Saturday a ms dance/drama club that is fab for children with sn.
I have had friends over for dd and at the same age as your own ds it was too much for dd. She couldn't handle the constant having to make the effort to socialise but is getting better with age. She even managed a disco a week ago in the ms part of the school and to see her doing the cha cha slide with her girly friends did bring a tear to my eye. I think children do genuinally like dd and accept her for who she is.
I know I am rambling but just wanted to give you an insight in how my dd at 7.5 has come on.
I know she will always be different but I also think what's so wrong with that?
Try and look for sn type activities. You can ring and talk to contact a family who have sent me loads of great things for dd to do.
It's knowing your ds's limitations.
I know my dd won't get loads of invites to play at her friends but at the same time I try and compensate in other ways and surrond myself with other parents whose dc are similar to mine!
Blossomhill xxxxxx

My ds was diagnosed last September and even though it only confirmed what I already knew it did hit me hard.

Like BH, I would be very worried about ds going round to someone else's house unless I was there. Even if I was there my nerves would be on edge all the time. However I have made friends with a couple of other mums in the area whose sons have AS and dispraxia. This has made a real difference to me and its brilliant pooling information about what is going on locally regarding provision for SN and having a bit of a moan if you feel like it. I guess what I am saying is that I have mentally retreated from the rest of the mainstream mums in the class.

It might be worth asking the SENCo if she knows of any other families locally who have kids with AS or perhaps the Earlybirds (?) or the Parent/Partnership might be able to give you some contacts. The sooner you make contact with others in the same position the easier you will probably find things.

Yes, the only people I know with children like ds are through MN - Dinosaur has been fab. Wish we lived closer - not just because her wonderful ds1 is autistic (and really inspirational with it) but because she understands and so does her ds2.
I actually often wish ds had another sibling because family is so comfortable for him.

Do you have any local support groups Aloha? We have one which has been great (I live in London) and as well as meetings for the parents, they do trips and activities for the children. My DS5 goes trampolining every week with a couple of other boys who have AS and he loves it.

I don't know anything about local support groups tbh. I am in London as well.

I think if you look on the NAS website, the PARIS section has information on local groups. Mine is called Signal and is in Lewisham, but I know Bromley has a good one, and I think Lambeth has something similar as well.

Contact a Family, Southwark should be able to put you in touch with other families with children with Aspergers. They also run holiday activity programmes.